


00:00 (Zero o'Clock)

by shadowdreams



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Andrew Minyard and Aaron Minyard, Andrew is very gay, Awkward Flirting, Cussing, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neil Josten & Katelyn - Freeform, Neil is in love, No Smut, POV Andrew Minyard, POV Multiple, POV Neil Josten, POV Outsider, Past Andrew Minyard/Roland, Wholesome Twinyards, significantly less violence than canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29246700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowdreams/pseuds/shadowdreams
Summary: His too quick and unsteady breaths were the only sound in the quiet room.Staring into the darkness, he bit down on his bottom lip to stop the sobs threatening to rip out of him.He must’ve looked so stupid to Andrew.Or, Neil and the fail-safe 10-step plan to get the man of your dreams to fall in love with you!
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 88
Kudos: 390





	1. Roland and the Fight (Roland POV)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Please gather around and get comfortable for this 45k word story that should've been 7k max.
> 
> A couple quick housekeeping notes:  
> I researched all the college stuff and used the same university as blueprint that Nora used for the books but if you find any glaring mistakes, please let me know in the comments. Same goes for any missed tags.  
> Typos or plot holes, however, shall please be graciously ignored.  
> The title is from the song zero o’clock by BTS.
> 
> Lastly, a quick heads-up, the story is divided into chapters based on POV, so chapter lengths vary wildly with the (much) longer ones toward the end. 
> 
> And now, let's bid reality and canon a dramatic and tearful goodbye and have some fun!

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Sophomore student at Palmetto State University, vice-captain of Roland’s lacrosse team
  2. Crazy asshole



* * *

**Late April**

The sunset sky was a sight to behold. Purples and pinks were scattered across the darkening blue, bidding the day a last goodbye. The bright orange sun had already dropped behind the campus buildings, leaving only minutes before the last glimpses of daylight would fade.

Unfortunately, there was no way Roland could lift his head to enjoy the view.

Instead, he was leaning heavily on his lacrosse stick to keep himself upright, his left hand pressed against his chest as if that would help him to catch his breath.

The view of the old, trampled grass of the lacrosse field under his feet, Roland decided, would have to do for now.

The heavy breathing coming from his teammates around him, interrupted only by the sounds of dry coughing and low curses, was testament to another grueling practice session.

Or, as Roland liked to call it, two hours of pure and relentless torture.

Across the field, the last couple team members were carrying cones and spare balls to the equipment baskets on the side of the field before joining their loose circle near the team bench. As soon as they reached the others, they dropped to the ground groaning loudly, their sticks lying forgotten next to them.

At the back of the group, Roland could see the two assholes responsible for the lack of feeling in his legs, Kevin Day and Neil Hatford.

On a good day, he could admit they were their best players. On rare occasion, he might even understand why coach Wymack had made them captain and vice-captain – Roland had heard that both were on a full lacrosse scholarship and, watching them play, he could see why.

But did their coach have to feed their already too big egos by handing over Thursday practice?

Practice should be managed by _normal_ people. Not two maniacs ignorant to the fact that others might have a life outside of lacrosse.

“Bar later? When we can breathe again?” Ed asked in between puffs of short breaths, sitting on the grass to Roland’s right and leaning back on his hands.

“Nah, I can’t,” Roland said, wiping off sweat from his forehead and shifting his weight from one foot to the other to get rid of the cramps in his legs.

“You’re ditching us?”

Next to Ed, Brian was trying to sit up but, halfway up, decided to lie back down. “Lame, what’s more important than a night out with us?”

“I’m taking out my boy.” Once the round of halfhearted catcalls had subsided, Roland added, “It’s our anniversary.”

“Anniversary? Didn’t you just get together?” James asked, stopping next to Ed and leaning on his stick while trying to catch his breath.

“Uh, yeah, two months.” Roland shrugged, abashed. “Felix wanted to celebrate and who am I to disagree.”

“Ah, young love,” Nicky, one of the few seniors on their team, said dreamily. “Where are you taking him?”

“McDonalds or something.” Roland grinned. “He’s easy like that.”

That made the guys around him laugh, probably remembering how stressed he had been about cooking the perfect dinner for Felix back in February before their first date.

“Don’t call him that.”

The cold voice cut through the scattered laughter of the team, shutting everyone up immediately.

Surprised, Roland looked over to Neil who was already stepping around the others and walking toward him.

“It was a joke, Neil.” Roland rolled his eyes.

“Why would you think that's funny?” Neil’s voice was sharp, making the loose circle of team members stand up straighter. Even those still lying down quickly sat up, watching Neil take another step forward.

Sighing, Roland looked around to the other guys. He was not in the mood for an argument. In fact, the only thing he wanted was to regain the ability to walk, go home, and get ready for his date with Felix.

“Chill, man, it’s not as if it’s any of your business.”

Roland only had a split second to register the rage sparking in Neil’s eyes before a fist was flying toward his face. Immediately, pain exploded, knocking him out momentarily.

Next thing he knew, he was on the ground looking up at the dark sky, void of any colors. Blinking slowly, he distantly heard shouting as if the sound was muted by the throbbing pain on the side of his face.

_What the fuck?_


	2. Nicky and the Homophobe (Nicky POV)

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Sophomore student at PSU like Nicky’s cousins Aaron and Andrew, engineering student like Andrew, vice-captain of Nicky’s lacrosse team, shameless flirt and frequent object of campus gossip
  2. Gorgeous specimen



* * *

** Early March **

The living room was quiet.

There was only the faint ticking of the kitchen clock, the sound carrying through the open doors of the small apartment, their cat’s satisfied purring from where King was lying on Andrew’s lap at the other end of the couch, and Erik’s sporadic typing on the computer keyboard in the corner of the room.

Too quiet, Nicky thought as he looked from the comfy couch with its piles of blankets thrown over the back to the low couch table covered by Nicky’s gossip magazines and Aaron’s psychology journals. Across the room, the workstation where his boyfriend was sitting took up most of the wall with a desk housing a computer and large monitor and, next to it, a huge drawing board for Erik and Andrew’s engineering drawings. In the other corner stood a bookshelf, overflowing with a mix of books from all family members and spanning a range of genres from British poetry to gay vampire romances to Nelson Mandela’s autobiography.

The waning sunlight shining through the large windows gave the room a somber atmosphere. Nicky supposed, it matched the exhausting week that was behind them.

Andrew was reading on his phone, sporadically petting King but otherwise ignoring the world around him. Erik, similarly, had not looked away from the screen for at least half an hour.

It was a tradition in their household that afternoons and evenings should be spent together in the living room, not separately in their bedrooms. Aunt Bee had suggested it back when the cousins had just started high school and it had quickly become a habit. Even now, years after Nicky, Aaron and Andrew had moved out from Aunt Bee’s house and into a shared apartment together with Erik, they still tried to spend their free time together.

Nicky wasn’t sure how much good it did if everybody ended up ignoring each other, though. Especially Andrew tended to get lost in his head.

Tilting his head at his cousin, Nicky interrupted the quiet. “Hey Andrew, what are you reading?”

After a beat of silence, Andrew looked up, blinking slowly at Nicky. “The most common type of cruise control is the one where the vehicle maintains the speed by pulling the throttle cable with a solenoid.”

Andrew’s voice had been the familiar monotone drawl that tended to leave Nicky wondering whether Andrew was making a joke, sharing something he genuinely cared about or, most likely, was saying something made-up to get Nicky to leave him alone.

“Uh.” Nicky figured Andrew was messing with him, but he would be damned if he missed a chance to be supportive. “That’s really interesting.”

Sighing, Andrew looked around them for a moment before his eyes settled back on Nicky. “Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?”

Blinking at this non sequitur – or was there a connection between dinosaurs and cars? – Nicky scratched his head, confused. “Why?”

“Because the ‘p’ is silent.”

Staring at Andrew, once again unsure how to react, he was painfully aware of the seconds ticking by thanks to the kitchen clock.

After Nicky had opened and closed his mouth several times with nothing coming out, Andrew narrowed his eyes at him. “It’s a joke.”

Erik must have listened to the exchange from his spot at the computer because he quickly jumped in. “That’s a good joke, Andrew.”

“Yeah,” Nicky nodded vigorously, finally waking up from his stupor, “it was very funny.”

After another awkward moment, Andrew went back to his phone with a mumbled “I know.”

With the low light in the room, Nicky couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw Andrew roll his eyes.

Well. At least he had tried, Nicky thought to himself as he picked up one of his magazines from the couch table.

* * *

“Andrew?” Nicky yelled on his way from the front door to Andrew’s room. “Andrew, are you home?”

Not pausing to knock on Andrew’s open door, he walked in and over to where Andrew was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard and playing on his phone.

The glare his cousin was directing at Nicky might have stopped others but after knowing him for so long, Nicky barely even noticed it anymore.

Holding up his phone for Andrew to see, he pointed at the spiderweb crack in his screen.

“I dropped my phone.”

“Not my problem.”

Rolling his eyes, Nicky went on, “I think it’s just the screen guard. I bought a new one.”

“Congratulations. Still not my problem.”

Sitting down on the bed, leaving several inches between them, Nicky continued to ignore Andrew’s intensifying glare. “Can you put the new one on it?”

“No.”

Tilting his head, Nicky sighed deeply and just looked at Andrew imploringly.

This was a battle of patience and Nicky studied to become a teacher for special education. Andrew stood no chance.

Nicky was proven right several beats later.

“Why can’t you do it yourself.”

“Because you’re the engineer.” Nicky furrowed his brows, confused. “It’s your thing.”

“Putting screen guards on phones?”

If Nicky didn’t know better, he would say Andrew sounded incredulous.

“Yes?”

What was Andrew’s problem? He knew how to remove the old guard without scratching the actual screen, his hands were super steady so Nicky knew the new guard wouldn’t end up being crooked, and somehow there were never any bubbles or dust particles stuck under the guard layer when Andrew did it.

After a beat of them simply looking at each other, Andrew groaned quietly and let his head fall back against the headboard.

Taking Nicky’s phone and newly bought screen guard without further comment, Andrew moved to the windowsill on the other side of his bed and started working.

Not even two minutes later, Andrew handed the phone back to Nicky. As expected, the screen guard was perfectly aligned with the edges, no bubbles in sight and the screen was shinier than it had been in months.

“Thanks, Andrew!” Nicky said, happily looking up at his cousin. “You’re really great at this! You’ll be the best engineer. Well, next to Erik, of course.”

“Goodbye Nicky.”

Shaking his head, Nicky chuckled at Andrew’s not so subtle hint and, after ruffling Andrew’s hair when his cousin didn’t dodge his hand fast enough, quickly got up and left the room.

* * *

**Late March**

> _Baby cousin: I’m outside_

After quickly texting Andrew back that he’ll need five more minutes, Nicky looked around the classroom and took in the chaotic state of tables pushed against walls and chairs standing in small groups. They had just finished their weekly PRISM meeting, their university’s Christian LGBTQ+ student organization and a home to Nicky since his first semester, and most members had already left, leaving the clean-up to the last handful of strays.

“You coming to Eden’s?” John asked from across the room, in the middle of carrying chairs to their respective tables.

“Ah, no, my cousin is waiting for me to drive us home.” Nicky pushed a table to its original spot, causing it to make loud screeching noises as it was dragged across the floor. “It’s Scrabbles night.”

“How domestic,” Tom scoffed from where he was trying to align a table with Nicky’s.

Used to his friends’ teasing, Nicky just smiled, preferring a night with his boyfriend and cousins over Eden any day, and started dragging the next table around the classroom.

“Is he single?”

“Huh?” Pausing in his movements, Nicky looked back to John. “Who?”

“Your cousin.”

“Which one?” Nicky asked distractedly, already looking for something to clean the blackboard while pushing his table the last couple inches into place.

“The gay one, obviously.”

“Uh, I think so?” Nicky hesitated. His cousin had been acting weird lately, but surely Nicky would know if Andrew was dating anyone. “He’s been kind of quiet lately, so I don’t know for sure.”

“I thought being quiet was part of his personality,” John said with a wink at Nicky.

“I mean,” Nicky laughed, thinking about a grumbling Andrew sitting at his desk and not talking to anyone unless prompted, “you’re not wrong. So, if you’re into that, go for it, I guess.”

You’re welcome, Andrew, Nicky thought to himself, internally scoffing at everyone who had ever called him a useless wingman.

Looking across the room, Nicky watched for a moment as John was rearranging tables. Tilting his head to the side, Nicky decided that he was nice enough. If he and Andrew started dating, they’d actually be kind of cute together. Well, as cute as Andrew could be.

“You kidding? Broody, mysterious and looks like he could benchpress me? Sign me up.” John finally looked up after successfully clearing out the back of the classroom and wiggled his eyebrows at Nicky.

“Who can benchpress you?” Stephen asked from next to the door, just coming back after locking up the portable projector in the equipment room and trying to find the right light switch to turn off the overhead spotlights.

“Nicky’s cousin.”

“Oh, you meant that literally,” Stephen looked from John to Nicky, “that guy is nuts, sorry Nicky.”

“Uhm,” Nicky hummed, not sure if he should be flattered or insulted on Andrew’s behalf.

“You know who’s _really_ hot and apparently slept with Brian?” Tom looked at the others expectantly, putting on his backpack after finishing his part of the room.

“Which Brian?” Nicky asked at the same time as John said, “I thought Brian was with that Psych Junior?”

“Ah, that Brian,” Nicky mumbled to himself, the others talking over him. “He’s cute.”

“No, they broke up or something,” Tom said to John, “anyway. Neil Hatford.”

“Ugh, that guy.” Stephen rolled his eyes, still hitting the light switches, turning different spotlights on and off.

“I mean,” John said as he started pushing chairs into place, “I wouldn’t say no if he asked me to hook up.”

“Well, obviously me neither,” Stephen admitted, “but come on.”

“Where did you hear that?” Nicky asked, ignoring Stephen. “I thought Jared from Education went out with him last weekend?”

“Who, Brian?”

“No, Neil.”

“Jesus, that guy is busy,” John laughed, shaking his head.

“Well, he’s also insanely hot.” Tom shrugged, standing around uselessly and watching as James started cleaning the blackboard.

“And if both parties are consenting, then why not,” Nicky added. He didn’t really know Neil outside of lacrosse practice but based on his reputation, he certainly got around. “Good for him to enjoy his life, I guess.”

“Well yes, of course.” Stephen huffed and, after a pause, added, “I talked to him the other day.”

“Jared?”

“No, Neil.”

“Why?” Nicky raised his eyebrows at his friend, unable to imagine a situation where Neil and Stephen would have a conversation.

“I saw him near the library the other day and asked him to join PRISM,” Stephen explained. “But he just shrugged and walked off, acting all stressed. As if. So yeah, fuck him.”

“Maybe he was stressed because he’s failing his classes. I heard he’s not the smartest.”

“Who needs to be smart when you have an ass like that,” Tom mumbled, still watching James.

“Or maybe,” Nicky cut in, shaking his head at Tom’s comment, “he was simply in a hurry to get to a study group.”

“Sure, he has time to sleep with half the student body but doesn’t have time to support his own community?” Stephen dismissed. “What a prick.”

“Maybe he isn’t religious?” Nicky wasn’t sure if Neil and PRISM would be a good fit. Based on the few interactions he had with Neil, Nicky would expect him to constantly rile everyone up and instigate arguments by asking provoking questions.

“It’s not as if he’s in any other student organization. Privileged dick.”

Well, Nicky thought, Stephen did have a point. Neil would be a great representative for their community. At least to the outside.

And with how unfairly attractive that guy was, convincing new people to join their organization would be a non-issue.

> _Baby cousin: ?_

“Sorry guys, gotta hurry.” Nicky quickly picked up his backpack and rushed out of the room. “Have fun tonight!”

* * *

Nicky watched the title credits fly across their TV screen while he was wriggling around absently, still trying to get comfortable on the packed couch.

Erik next to him, had draped his arm around Nicky, patiently waiting for him to settle down for the movie. On Erik’s other side, Aaron was trying to keep King from jumping headfirst into his popcorn bowl. And to Nicky’s left, Andrew was leaning against the arm of the couch, sitting cross-legged and eyes focused on his phone.

Nicky expected Andrew to close whatever game he was playing when the storyline in the movie picked up, but 15 minutes in, Andrew was still not paying attention to what was happening on the TV screen.

Hesitant to interrupt his cousin when he looked so content, Nicky internally debated between leaving Andrew alone with his mobile games and prompting him to join in their movie night.

In the end, his urge for family activities won out and he carefully tapped Andrew's shin to get his attention.

When Andrew looked up, eyebrows raised in question, Nicky quietly said, "It's movie night, Andrew. Maybe you can play your game later?"

"It's not...," Andrew trailed off for a moment and, after looking past Nicky to Erik and Aaron, just nodded. "Yeah, ok."

After a couple more taps on his phone, Andrew finally put it down and turned to the TV screen. And when he joined their running commentary with his signature deadpan remarks, pointing out physical impossibilities, Nicky smiled happily.

He was so focused on the movie and his family, especially Erik next to him, that he didn’t even notice Andrew's phone vibrating several times next to him. Or Andrew's twitching fingers that wanted to pick up the device.

* * *

**Mid-April**

“Nicky!”

Nicky looked up at the new voice, surprised to see Neil jogging toward him across the lacrosse field.

“I totally missed your birthday last month.”

“Oh,” Nicky paused, surprised. He hadn’t expected Neil to know when his birthday was. “Thank you, Neil, that’s really sweet of you.”

Reaching Nicky’s side, Neil pointed at the lacrosse stick Nicky had been fiddling with. “Everything all right?”

“Oh, uh, not sure.” Nicky gladly handed over his stick when Neil reached for it. “The mesh is kind of loose?”

“Looks like the topstring ripped.” Neil gave the stick back after a single glance. “You got some at home? Otherwise, there might be some in the equipment room.”

“Oh, uhm, thanks Neil,” Nicky said, but waved off Neil’s offer. “I should have some at home.”

“Cool.” Neil nodded, tapping his stick lightly against the grass, looking around them.

“Cool,” Nicky parroted, wondering why Neil had come over. After all, it was unusual for him to start a conversation unless it was game related.

Not that Nicky was complaining about getting a close-up view of Neil.

The guy really was insanely pretty.

“So.” Neil sounded reluctant, looking back at Nicky. “What did you get?”

“Huh?”

“For your birthday?”

“Oh! My family and I played video games all weekend, and Erik and Aaron, that’s my boyfriend and cousin, cooked for us, which is usually up to me, so that was nice. And my other cousin, Andrew, baked cupcakes. 23, can you imagine?” Nicky laughed, remembering Andrew’s glare when Nicky hadn’t understood the meaning behind the number of cupcakes fast enough. “Because I turned 23, you know?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s cool.” Neil looked around them again. “I don’t think I ever baked anything.”

Neil was bouncing on his feet and tapping his stick against the ground, as if unable to stand still for a single minute. Nicky wondered if their coach had put Neil up to socializing more with the team – that definitely sounded like something Wymack would do.

Good thing Nicky was great at small talk.

“Oh yeah, me neither. I’m completely useless when it comes to cakes. All I can do is eat it.” Nicky laughed, happy when he saw Neil relaxing into a small smile. Blessed with two anti-social cousins, making people feel comfortable around him was Nicky’s specialty. “Andrew is amazing at it, though, always trying new recipes. So, we’re never without something fresh out of the oven at home.”

“Cool,” Neil said again, rolling his shoulders a couple times and looking across the field. With another deep breath, as if stealing himself for something, Neil turned back to Nicky. “So, uhm, what did he bake for your birthday?”

“Oh, you know that little bakery over on Palmetto boulevard?” Nicky asked but only got a blank look from Neil. “Well, anyway, Andrew loves their stuff but it’s really expensive, so he always tries to copy their recipes.

“He actually baked his own favorite cupcakes for my birthday – a bit selfish but I mean, it’s Andrew, right?” Nicky grinned at Neil but, again, got no reaction. “Anyway, honestly they’re _so_ good that I didn’t even mind. They’re these chocolate cupcakes with, hm, I think chili? Or maybe ginger? I’m not sure. But they have sugar frosting. Or maybe lemon? Is that a thing? I don’t know.” Nicky paused, laughing at himself. “Like I said, I’m absolutely useless.”

Neil didn’t seem to mind, though, nodding along and looking content with listening to Nicky ramble about his family.

Since there was nothing Nicky enjoyed more than talking about his family, it took less than ten minutes to catch Neil up on everything from their new plants in the living room because Erik decided that they needed something green in their apartment, to the pipe burst in their apartment building last winter that caused their kitchen to flood, and to Nicky’s thoughts on continuing as a grad student after his graduation because Erik had decided on getting a masters degree in civil engineering and Nicky didn’t think he was ready to start working in the real world yet.

“You know?”

“Uh, yeah, I can’t imagine going to work somewhere, either.”

“See,” Nicky exclaimed, walking next to Neil to the changing rooms, “you get it.”

“Yeah, totally.” Neil looked over to where Kevin was talking to their coach. “Anyway, I got to go over to Wymack.”

“Sure thing,” Nicky said but Neil had already turned away and was jogging toward the other two.

Shrugging, Nicky walked over to the other team members, easily joining their conversation and catching up on the latest campus gossip.

* * *

**Late April**

“Ugh,” Nicky groaned loudly, slowly rolling over on the couch and throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the bright light coming through the living room window. “What is wrong with the sun, why does it have to be so bright.”

He was greeted by silence, the occasional tapping on a calculator and subsequent scratching on paper the only signs that Andrew was still in the room.

“Ugh, Andrew, it’s not fair.”

More silence.

“The party wasn’t even good. The music was shit, it was super crowded, and everyone was drunk.”

“Unlike you?” The sarcasm was nothing but a distant hint in Andrew’s monotone voice.

“You should’ve come,” Nicky mumbled, turning onto his side, burying his face in one of the pillows. “You need to get out more.”

“No,” Andrew said distractedly, clearly still focused on his notebook. They always looked pretty random with all the numbers and foreign letters. But that might just be in Nicky’s admittedly unqualified opinion.

“My friend John was there. I think you might like him.”

“No.” Tap tap tap.

“I’m just saying, he’s pretty cute. Which is important, Andrew, you know that. And kind. Hm, I suppose he’s not very funny.” Nicky took a moment to take deep breaths, willing the couch to stop moving. “I guess you’re right. You can do better.”

Scratch scratch scratch.

“Or you know, just find any hot guy and have some fun.” Nicky tried to laugh but immediately regretted it, feeling slightly nauseated. Maybe breakfast hadn’t been a good idea. “You should have more fun.”

Nicky listened to Andrew quietly studying. He could hear pages in a textbook being turned, more scratching on paper.

“What about that guy you told me about?”

Nicky thought there was a short pause in Andrew’s writing but couldn’t be sure. Maybe his pounding head had merely blocked out any sound for a hot second. He should probably take an aspirin. Or ten.

Already having forgotten what he’d said, Nicky went on, whining, “I didn’t even get to talk to everyone.”

When the room was quiet for too long, Nicky dared another quick glance at Andrew despite the too bright light. He was looking at his calculator, brows furrowed and very clearly still ignoring Nicky. Eventually, the tapping resumed.

“I think Jeremy was throwing up somewhere. But I can get his phone number if you want. He’s definitely a cutie. When he’s not drunk, I mean. And kind, he’s very kind, Andrew. He’s also funny but he might talk a bit too much for you. Hm, what do you think?” Nicky didn’t expect a comment from his cousin, so he rambled on, “Tom left at like, 11. Didn’t even say bye.” Rolling onto his other side, he buried his face in the back of the couch. “Neil just disappeared, but I mean, he does that a lot, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Kevin just kept talking about lacrosse. As if I want to talk about lacrosse at a party.”

Silence.

“Andrew?”

“Go to bed Nicky. You’re annoying.”

“Rude,” Nicky mumbled. “You’re just upset because you’re so lame. I guess it’s on me to be the interesting gay one in this family.”

* * *

“And then Neil just punched him,” Nicky told his family, standing at the stove, carefully stirring the chicken curry, and still in disbelieve at what had happened during today’s lacrosse practice. “No one saw it coming and then out of nowhere, he just went off.”

“Is Roland okay?” Erik asked, wrapping his arms around Nicky’s waist from behind him. King was impatiently winding her way through Nicky’s legs, hoping for scraps to fall to the floor.

“I think so. Someone got Abby, so she could take a look at him,” Nicky said, still shaking his head at tonight’s events. “Roland said he was just feeling really dizzy and his face hurt like a bitch, so we called his boyfriend to come to pick him up. Abby said that nothing was broken, like his nose or something. But Roland will probably get to sit out next week’s practice. Kind of not fair but I guess running around for two hours is better than getting punched in the face.”

Erik just hummed, tightening his embrace.

“I swear Neil was about to go at him again if Kevin and Jean hadn’t grabbed him.” Nicky shuddered at the memory. “It was kind of scary.”

“And what about Neil?”

Surprised, Nicky looked over his shoulder at his cousins. They were sitting at the set table, waiting for the food to be ready. Aaron had put his phone down and looked questioningly at Nicky while Andrew was staring down at the table, twirling a fork absently between his fingers.

“He just walked off. Wymack was yelling at him for a bit but then sent him off. Not sure if he’ll get, like, suspended or something.”

“Why would he punch him though? Something must’ve set him off.” Brows furrowed, Aaron looked from Nicky to Andrew and, after predictably not getting a response, back to Nicky and Erik.

“I don’t know. One minute Roland was talking about his date with Felix and suddenly Neil walked right up to him, telling him to stop talking or something. I didn’t really get it.” Nicky turned to the stove, leaning back against Erik’s chest. “It happened really quickly.”

“I’m glad you’re safe,” Erik said quietly, leaning his chin on Nicky’s shoulder.

“Hm, what do you mean?”

“Well, it seems that it was a reaction to Roland having a boyfriend. I’m just glad he didn’t go after you.”

“Oh, I don’t think…,” Nicky trailed off. Somehow the thought of Neil punching Roland because he was gay didn’t seem right. “I don’t think that was it? I mean, Neil hooks up with guys all the time, so.”

„Still.“ Erik kissed Nicky’s temple, hugging him a bit tighter.

Behind them, Nicky could hear a chair scraping across the kitchen floor, followed by steps leaving the kitchen.

He turned up the heat of the stove a bit. Clearly his cousins were losing patience waiting for dinner.

Nicky could relate. Today had seemed endless.

What a weird day.


	3. Aaron and the Fuckboy (Aaron POV)

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Fellow sophomore student at PSU, Computer Engineering major like Aaron’s girlfriend Katelyn and, unfortunately, her friend, vice-captain of Nicky’s lacrosse team and typical jock, apparently on a sports scholarship, probably leeches off Katelyn’s intelligence
  2. Fuckboy



* * *

**Mid-February**

What the fuck was Hatford doing near the North Green?

Aaron watched as Hatford disappeared around a corner of the psych building just as he reached the bottom of the stairs where he usually met up with Andrew to drive home together.

Keeping his eyes on the corner, waiting to see if Hatford would return, Aaron thought back to the many instances over the last week where they had crossed paths with the guy even though the engineering building was in a completely different part of campus.

Unlike his brother and cousin, however, Aaron wasn’t stupid. While they had chalked it up to coincidence (Andrew) or hook-ups (Nicky), Aaron knew that the explanation was much more simple: Hatford was stalking Andrew.

The question was, why.

Either Neil was trying to take advantage of Andrew’s knowledge when it came to his studies. After all, they were both engineering majors and it wasn’t hard to imagine that, after using Katelyn for her brilliance, Hatford had now also identified Andrew to be of use in some way.

Or, Hatford wanted to get his hands on Andrew. Literally.

Aaron didn’t really get the concept of one-night-stands or friends with benefits, but he usually wouldn’t say anything against it. After all, it wasn’t any of his business. Plus, he was well-aware of Andrew’s hook-ups, rare as they may be, thanks to a very unfortunate walk-in during their second semester.

But Hatford was on a whole other level. Today alone, Aaron had overheard two students talking about sleeping with Hatford since the weekend.

Today was _Tuesday_.

Either way, Aaron really hoped that his brother would see through Hatford’s shady efforts and tell him to fuck off.

Not in the mood to play into Hatford’s plans if he could at all help it, Aaron took out his phone and dialed Andrew’s number.

“I’m on my way.”

“Hey baby bro.” Aaron started walking in the direction of the engineering building, still keeping an eye out for Hatford.

“Don’t call me that,” Andrew grumbled predictably. “What do you want?”

“You know, refusing to accept a verifiable reality is an act of irrationality,” Aaron said, passing one of the many science buildings to his right. “It’s also called denialism, we just talked about it in one of my classes the other day.”

“You know, I’m sure there’s also a fancy name for someone studying psychology just because their mom’s a therapist.”

The familiar jab made Aaron laugh, remembering Andrew’s incredulous look when Aaron had first told him what he wanted to study. “Ah, don’t be jealous. I would say, if you tried really hard, you might be mom’s favorite one day, but alas. Reality.”

“Fuck off. I was her son long before you came along. I’ll always be her favorite.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re younger, now does it.”

“Nine minutes.”

“So?” Aaron grinned into his phone.

“What do you want? I just left class, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Don’t hurry, I’m walking your way.”

“Why.”

“No reason, baby bro.”

“Fuck you.”

* * *

**Late February**

Aaron heard the quiet ping of Andrew’s phone from where he was lounging on their couch in the living room, reading one of his psych textbooks. Next to him, King was rolled into a donut and dozing while Andrew sat at their family’s workstation, tinkering with something that looked like a clunky circuit board.

When the clicking of the mouse and Andrew’s low curses didn’t pick up again – very few things could hold his brother’s attention when he was working on something – Aaron looked up from his book only to see Andrew staring wide-eyed at his phone.

“What happened? You look like you saw a ghost,” Aaron said, tilting his head to the side. “Did you go back to one of those porn sites and now they’re sending you weird emails again?”

“No, fuck you, and that was one time,” came Andrew’s grumbled response, his attempted glare falling flat.

Aaron may not have grown up with Andrew from their birth but after his biological mother had overdosed when Aaron had only been eight years old, he had been put into the system and luckily ended up with his brother’s adoptive mom, Betsy Dobson.

She had adopted Andrew, who had been put up for adoption right after their birth, two years earlier. Their mom had taken the unexpected additions to their family in stride, also welcoming Nicky five years later after a fall-out with his parents.

Unable to let go of each other after graduating from high school, Aaron and Andrew had followed Nicky to Palmetto State University, with their mom only an hour away by car.

Therefore, thanks to years of living together, Aaron knew his brother inside out and Andrew’s grumbling and staring and whatnot had virtually no effect on him.

Grinning at his brother, Aaron asked, “Then what?”

“Neil liked one of my photos on Instagram.”

Ugh. Fucking Hatford again.

Usually, Aaron would make fun of Andrew’s pathetic ass – did he seriously just try to look nonchalant while squeaking out a sentence? – but the name ‘Neil’ had become a trigger over the last couple weeks.

As if stalking Andrew around campus wasn’t enough, now that creep was also going after him on social media?

Andrew really needed to wake up and see Hatford for who he really was – a freeloader and a fuckboy who was probably just messing with Andrew for his own personal amusement.

“What do you think it means?” Came Andrew’s quiet voice, still busy staring at his phone as if Hatford would jump out of it any minute.

“It probably means that _Neil_ liked your photo.”

“Yeah thanks, asshole. I can see that.” Andrew rolled his eyes. “But what does it _mean_.”

Running a hand through his hair, Aaron tried for the umpteenth time to decide whether he should be supportive – because a hook-up wasn’t the end of the world – or protective – because Hatford was a self-serving dick and not nearly good enough for Andrew.

Shaking his head at his brother, Aaron got up, King following along, and clapped Andrew on the shoulder before walking off to his own room. “It means that you’re an idiot.”

He would have to keep an eye on his brother.

Neil Hatford was bad news.

* * *

**Early March**

"Yeah mom, don't worry about it. We're taking a break right now. Nicky and Erik are asleep on the couch and Andrew went to his room." Aaron yawned, trying to reassure his mother they wouldn’t actually play video games non-stop through the weekend as per Nicky's birthday wish.

They had kicked off the gaming marathon at midnight on Friday night and only taken the first break at around four o'clock in the morning when they could barely keep their eyes open and finally gone to bed.

After a late breakfast, they had continued working their way through their game collection before Nicky had thankfully decided on another short break until it would be time for dinner.

Aaron and Andrew tried to call their mom at least once a week and Aaron hadn't been sure if he would get another chance this weekend. So, he had quickly called her 15 minutes ago to tell her about his classes and the birthday celebrations last night.

"Is he awake?" His mom asked gently, the quiet sound of creaking wood audible in the background. She was probably sitting in the rocking chair Andrew had built for her a couple years ago during summer break. Aaron had tried to sew a matching seat cushion, but it had ended up more a lumpy mess than anything else. (His mom still used it, though.)

"Uh, not sure, let me check." Aaron got up from his desk chair and went next door to Andrew's room.

The door stood ajar, an unspoken invitation for their family to come inside. It was something Andrew had started doing as a teenager after going through increasingly long periods of time spent hiding in his room and not talking to anyone.

The older Aaron got, though, the more he suspected his mom behind the open door thing.

Knocking on the doorframe, he stepped inside right away, still holding his phone to his ear.

Andrew’s head snapped to Aaron from where he was lying on his bed. His hands fumbled with the phone in his hands, just barely catching it before it could hit him in the face.

Grinning at the scene – startling Andrew out of his apathetic demeanor was one of Aaron’s favorite things to do – he told his mom, "He's up, you can call him."

"Maybe you could give your brother your phone? I won't take long."

"Sure," Aaron sighed, figuring there was no use in explaining the point of personal mobile phones. Walking over to Andrew, he said a quick goodbye to his mother and held out his phone. "Mom wants to say hi."

Andrew had propped himself up on his elbow, rubbing sleep from his eyes before taking the phone.

"Hey mom."

Aaron turned away and looked around his brother's room. Since his computer and drawing board were in the living room, Andrew had decided against a desk in his room, making the space feel bigger compared to Aaron's.

Behind him, Andrew was sporadically humming into the phone, not actually contributing to a conversation in any helpful manner.

After about five minutes of folding Andrew's clothes that had been thrown over the lone armchair that stood shoved into the corner, Aaron heard Andrew ending the phone call and turned back around.

His brother had lied back down, right arm thrown over his eyes, holding out the phone blindly in the direction of Aaron.

Taking his phone and pocketing it, he rolled his eyes at his brother's dramatic behavior.

"Mom told me to let you know,” Andrew said in a quiet voice, making Aaron look up expectantly, “that I'm her favorite son."

Aaron merely scoffed, spontaneously moving to lie down next to Andrew.

"What are you doing."

Fluffing up one of the pillows, Aaron exaggeratedly shifted around on the bed to get comfortable before settling down, looking over at Andrew to his right. "I'm bored. Nicky and Erik are still asleep in the living room."

"So? Not my problem." Andrew glared at Aaron.

"You know, it's perfectly normal for the youngest child in a family to struggle with low self-esteem and feel the constant need to prove their worth to the people around them. It's one of the few characteristics of the Youngest Child Syndrome that have been proven by verifiable research."

"Fuck off."

Andrew clearly expected Aaron to leave but the bed was surprisingly comfortable, so he stayed where he was, enjoying the quiet of the room and cold breeze coming through the open window to Andrew's right.

"Aaron, go away and annoy your girlfriend or something."

"Can't. She's with Hatford." Aaron grinned when he saw Andrew's fingers twitch where they had been tapping a continuous rhythm on the back of his phone that was laying on his chest, his left hand resting on his stomach.

Aaron didn’t get why people always tried to avoid his brother when riling him up was not only easy, but also _so_ entertaining.

Reaching out, Aaron poked Andrew's waist. "Did you gain weight?"

"What?" Andrew immediately pushed Aaron's hand away, glaring at him and pulling his shirt further down. "No?"

"Have you thought about picking up a sport? What with Hatford being an athlete."

"Fuck you, I exercise. And I didn't gain weight."

"Sure, sure," Aaron said placatingly, rolling onto his side and watching Andrew's fingers continuing their tapping motion.

Thinking back to Andrew fumbling with his phone when Aaron had barged into the room, he couldn’t keep the grin from spreading on his face. In one quick move, Aaron snatched the phone off Andrew's chest and rolled away before Andrew could close his hand around it or block Aaron. Holding the phone out of reach but pointed at his own face, Andrew was too slow to stop the face recognition from unlocking the phone for Aaron.

What greeted him was even better than he had hoped for—a full screen photo of Hatford, smirking into the camera.

Andrew was reaching past Aaron, huffing and quietly cursing up a storm and almost crushing Aaron under his weight.

Unable to control his laughter, Aaron finally let Andrew grab his phone, thankful when Andrew rolled off him again.

"Fuck you." Andrew sat up, fixing his clothes, and placing the phone behind himself, all while glaring at Aaron.

Sitting up as well, Aaron took a deep breath. "Fuck, you're heavy."

Not expecting the kick against his thigh, Aaron was pushed off the bed and landed on his tailbone, groaning at the impact.

Rubbing his back, Aaron looked at Andrew, tilting his head to the side. "You know, that photo perfectly captures the pretentiousness of Hatford. I can't believe he posts shit like that to social media." Shaking his head, Aaron finally got up off the floor. "What a dick."

"Well, it's not from social media." Andrew pulled his blanket over his legs and stomach and up to his chest, not looking at Aaron. "He sent it to me."

"He sent you that photo." Aaron stared disbelievingly at Andrew.

"Yeah. So?" Andrew glared back, challenging.

Pinching his nose, Aaron didn't want to know to how many people that dick had sent that photo. Opening his eyes, Andrew was still glaring at him, now leaning against the headboard of the bed, phone back in his hands and fingers swiping continuously over the black screen as if removing non-existent smudges.

"Just don't get too invested, okay Andrew? I don't think the guy is a good idea."

"You don't know him."

"And you do?"

Andrew rubbed his eyes again, running a hand through his hair. "What do you want, Aaron?"

"For you to be happy, obviously." Aaron rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Then leave."

The answer made Aaron laugh, raising his arms in surrender. "I'll get you when it's time for dinner."

Andrew just shrugged, so Aaron walked back to his own room, leaving Andrew's door slightly ajar.

* * *

**Mid-March**

“Wow.”

Aaron watched his brother looking in the direction where Hatford had just left the library after what was by far the oddest moment of flirting Aaron had ever witnessed.

Both Andrew and Aaron worked at the university library to earn some extra money since their scholarships only paid for tuition and, in Andrew’s case, also books and study material. While Aaron had shifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Andrew’s turn was on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Usually, he had a study group to bridge the time until Andrew could drive them both home but today his idiot group members had canceled in favor of pre-gaming. Hence, he was sitting in a stuffy library on a Friday afternoon and reading through one of his textbooks while Andrew worked his shift.

“I know,” Andrew said, barely above a whisper, still staring pathetically at the library doors. “That was _so_ hot.”

“Eh no,” Aaron corrected, “I meant ‘wow, you are such a loser.’”

Andrew managed to tear his eyes away from the doors and glared at Aaron. With his blushing cheeks and pink ears, the glare missed the mark by a mile.

“What?” Aaron asked, grinning. Since he had been sitting next to Andrew, he had been forced to watch the entire thing unfold. “You can’t honestly think that you handled that well.”

“Well, no.” For a moment Aaron thought Andrew had some self-awareness but was quickly taught otherwise when he went on, eyes drawn back to the empty library doors. “Smooth fucker, how am I supposed to react to _that_.”

‘That’ had been Hatford waltzing into the library as if he owned it and hitting on Andrew with what was likely the cheapest line Aaron had ever heard anyone utter. The fact that it had clearly worked on his brother just made the whole situation worse.

Aaron still wasn’t sure what to do about the Hatford situation. On the one hand, he knew that Andrew and Hatford had started texting each other. A _lot_. And Andrew seemed happy enough. Which was good. But then Hatford pulled stunts like the one just minutes ago, looking like the fuckboy everybody said he was.

If Aaron was honest, Hatford _had been_ smooth as fuck what with the weirdly intense eye contact and low voice and what not. Of course, overall, the exchange had been really awkward, but that was largely on Andrew.

“Maybe try being less pathetic. Honestly, baby brother, why are you so lame.”

Rather than glaring at Aaron or grumbling a weak insult, however, Aaron watched Andrew’s shoulders slump in defeat as if genuinely disappointed at how the moment with Hatford had played out.

He had expected Andrew to be annoyed, maybe even going so far as to be upset after embarrassing himself in front of a guy he clearly thought was attractive.

But being disappointed?

Aaron stared at his brother, amusement and horror warring inside of him.

Did Andrew have actual _feelings_ for this guy?

Oh, Andrew.

“Either be helpful or shut up,” Andrew grumbled, restlessly pushing a handful of pens into a straight line and checking the stamps to make sure they were perfectly aligned.

“No, thanks,” Aaron said, too shaken by his realization to come up with something more sensible to say. “I still think Hatford is a prick. Hopefully, he’ll be turned off by your awkward ass.”

With a deep sigh, Andrew turned back to the library doors and groaned. “Let’s just go home.”

* * *

**Mid-April**

“I think Andrew is into Hatford.”

“Hm?” Katelyn mumbled sleepily.

“I think,” Aaron repeated, fingers running through Katelyn’s soft locks, her head resting on his chest as they were lounging on his bed, “my brother is into Hatford.”

Katelyn suddenly lifted her head, dislodging his hand in the process, and looked at Aaron excitedly. “You think? What makes you think so?”

Okay, that reaction had been a lot more enthusiastic than Aaron had anticipated.

“They’ve been texting for a couple weeks.” Aaron shrugged into the pillow. “And Andrew is even more useless than usual. You should see him when Hatford is around. Pathetic.”

“As useless as you were when we first started dating?” Katelyn grinned and earned herself a poke in the side that made her let out a cute squeak and squirm away.

“Worse.”

“Nah, I think you’re on the same level.” Katelyn winked knowingly at Aaron, placing her chin on top of her folded hands on his chest.

Huh?

“What do you mean?”

“Neil and Andrew are sitting next to each other in our math class, so I get the live experience twice a week.” Katelyn wiggled her eyebrows, giggling.

“I didn’t know that.” Aaron furrowed his brows. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Neil asked me not to.” Judging on the look Katelyn was giving him, the ‘duh’ was heavily implied.

“So? I’m your boyfriend.”

“And he’s my friend.” Katelyn rolled her eyes at him, pushing herself up on her elbows on his chest. It was actually a bit uncomfortable, but it was Katelyn, so he didn’t say anything. “You know how it is, bros before hoes.”

“Bros before… You’re kidding.” Groaning, Aaron pushed his head back into his pillow to look at the ceiling. “If anyone here is a hoe, it’s fucking Hatford.”

At the silence – he had expected Katelyn to have some kind of funny comeback – Aaron looked back down at Katelyn and saw her watching him seriously.

Propping up his head on his forearm, Aaron furrowed his brows. “What?”

“You don’t seriously believe those rumors about Neil, do you?”

“I mean.” Aaron shrugged, not sure what he should say. “Pretty sure those aren’t just rumors. I could count off more than ten people on the spot who dated him, or slept with him, or whatever, in the last month alone. And either way, he clearly doesn’t mind the reputation. Probably likes it.”

“Oh Aaron, come on.” Katelyn groaned letting her head fall forward, forehead bumping against his chest.

“What.”

“Neil doesn’t care what people say.” Katelyn lifted her head again, looking at Aaron imploringly. “And he’s good-looking and people figured out that they could just make up shit – to make people jealous, or make themselves look better, or whatever reason – and he wouldn’t deny it.

“And think about it, how would he even go about it? Deny every stupid rumor? There are so many every single week, one more ridiculous than the other.”

Aaron had never really questioned the rumors, didn’t really care whether they were true or not.

Unless it affected his brother.

“Well, I still don’t want some idiot like him anywhere near Andrew. It’s enough that he’s already taking advantage of you in your classes, I don’t want my brother to be added to that list.”

“Huh?” Katelyn blinked at him, eyebrows drawn together. “What are you even talking about?”

“Oh, come on,” Aaron rolled his eyes, “I get that you are friends or whatever, but don’t tell me he would’ve made it through a single one of your classes without your help.”

“Aaron,” Katelyn sat up straighter, not a hint of sarcasm or joking in her voice, “Neil is the most intelligent person I know.”

Scoffing, he went up on his elbows. “Bullshit. And even if he isn’t dumb as a rock, there is _no way_ Hatford is more intelligent than Andrew.”

When a grin slowly spread on Katelyn’s face, Aaron furrowed his brows, confused. “What? Were you joking?”

“No, it’s just,” Katelyn paused, trying to rein in her grin and failing miserably, “so, you think Andrew is more intelligent than you?”

Blinking, Aaron quickly glanced at his closed bedroom door before narrowing his eyes at Katelyn. “Obviously. Just don’t tell Andrew.”

Giggling, Katelyn merely nodded, settling down again more comfortably.

“And Hatford is still a dick.”

“He’s also my friend. And he is really nice. And quiet. Yes, sometimes he has a temper,” Katelyn added quickly when Aaron was about to make a comment, “but he just likes to rile people up for entertainment. He doesn’t mean anything by it.” Katelyn paused for a moment, playing with Aaron’s shirt. “And I think he really likes Andrew. He means it. I think they’re cute together.”

Aaron groaned, letting his head fall back against his pillow, dragging a hand down his face. “My brother and Hatford. Fucking hell. You think they’re actually going to be… a _thing_?”

“Yep.” Katelyn giggled again. “So how about you start calling him Neil, hm?”

Aaron just groaned louder.

* * *

**Late April**

“I swear Neil was about to go at him again if Kevin and Jean hadn’t grabbed him,” Nicky said, clearly still shaken by Neil punching one of the members of his lacrosse team during practice. “It was kind of scary.”

“And what about Neil?” Aaron looked across the kitchen table to Andrew. He had been quietly staring at his plate and playing around with a fork while listening to Nicky. His shoulders were tense, but his expression was unreadable.

Aaron wanted to know what Andrew was thinking but knew better than to ask.

“He just walked off.” Nicky looked over at Aaron. “Wymack was yelling at him for a bit but then sent him off. Not sure if he’ll get, like, suspended or something.”

The fork halted in Andrew’s fingers for a beat before it started twirling again, faster.

“Why would he punch him though? Something must’ve set him off,” Aaron wondered, eyes moving between Nicky and Andrew. Katelyn had said Neil wasn’t violent, and he trusted her judgment implicitly.

“I don’t know. One minute Roland was talking about his date with Felix and suddenly Neil walked right up to him, telling him to stop talking or something. I didn’t really get it.” Nicky turned back to the stove. “It happened really quickly.”

“I’m glad you’re safe.” Erik’s voice was quiet but still audible in the small kitchen.

Watching Andrew, Aaron saw the twitch in his eyebrows, the narrowing in his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Nicky asked.

“Well, it seems that it was a reaction to Roland having a boyfriend. I’m just glad he didn’t go after you.”

With his focus on Andrew, Aaron could tell the exact moment when Erik’s words hit him. His brother seemed to stop breathing, fork held still in his hand.

While Nicky and Erik were talking in the background, Andrew suddenly pushed back his chair and, without a word or even a look, left the kitchen.

Worried – because of something Neil fucking Hatford had done, Aaron thought disbelievingly – he followed Andrew to his room but was left standing outside a closed door without a response.


	4. Dan and the Threesome (Dan POV)

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Sophomore at PSU, engineering major like Dan and Matt, vice-captain of the PSU lacrosse team, always hungry, smartass, loner, Dan and Matt’s adoptive son (basically), probably has tragic family backstory but doesn’t talk about it
  2. Human disaster



* * *

**Mid-January**

A key turning in the lock of their apartment door was quickly followed by the familiar noises of a backpack and shoes thunking to the floor and the rustling of a jacket being hung up.

Sitting on the couch in the living room of their shared apartment, Dan listened to her boyfriend Matt arriving home after a long day on campus and smiled at the prospect of a lazy evening together on the couch.

After several more minutes of shuffling, Matt finally stepped into the living room. Instead of his usual open smile, however, there was a confused look on his face.

“Everything all right?” Dan raised an eyebrow at him.

Matt hummed distractedly and slowly sat down next to her, lifting her legs and placing them back down across his lap.

“Did something happen? You look… bewildered.”

“I think,” Matt started but halted halfway through his sentence, furrowing his brows as he looked at the empty air in front of him. “I think, Neil hit on me.”

Dan snorted with laughter, quickly setting her cup of tea down on their couch table before she could spill some of it on herself or the couch.

Noticing the serious look in Matt’s eyes, she asked disbelievingly, “What on earth makes you think that Neil would hit on you?”

Shrugging, Matt looked down at Dan’s legs, playing with the hem of her pajama bottoms. “Maybe he thinks I’m cute.”

Dan couldn’t help the second burst of laughter. This time, Matt grinned at her, clearly joking.

When they had calmed down, Matt said, “Honestly though, he kept giving me these long, considering looks and asked me if I would like it if he brought me food or something.”

Dan tilted her head to the side and leaned against the back of the couch, trying to imagine Neil hitting on Matt.

She and Matt had known Neil for over a year and a half now. He had been in her group for a campus tour and had seemed both lost and prickly and looked barely old enough to be allowed on campus, leaving her so endeared that she couldn’t _not_ take him under her wing.

Her friend Allison tended to say that she and Matt had adopted Neil. And why not, it wasn’t as if Neil had any family to speak of with an absentee father – Neil never talked about him, but something was off, Dan had a _feeling_ – and a mother who had fucked off to England as soon as Neil had finished high school.

But Neil hitting on Matt?

That was absurd.

“What did you respond?”

“Well,” Matt caged, “that I love him?”

That just made Dan laugh again. “Way to discourage him, you hoe.”

* * *

**Late January**

“I can’t make it,” Allison said, straight to the point.

“Why?” Dan looked up from a pile of old bikinis she had just been going through in search of a somewhat decent one to wear to the spa, phone wedged between ear and shoulder. “We’ve planned our wellness weekend over a week ago.”

“Sorry.” There was shuffling on Allison’s end of the phone. “I’m taking Neil shopping.”

“You what?”

“You heard right,” Allison said, voice triumphant. “The gremlin will get new clothes, and nothing will stop me.”

“How did you manage to convince him?” Dan didn’t even bother to hide her surprise. Neil going shopping was unheard of.

He _hated_ it.

“I didn’t. He asked for a favor.”

“And in return you get to take him shopping. Nice.” Dan nodded approvingly even though Allison wasn’t there to see it.

“No, even better. The shopping trip _is_ the favor.”

“What?”

“Yep.”

Dan had to sit down to process this new information, the bikini mountain toppling over as she bounced on the mattress. Why would Neil voluntarily go shopping with Allison? That didn’t seem like him.

“Why?”

“Maybe he finally realized that the homeless look isn’t doing it for him? Or maybe he’s trying to impress someone and not, you know, scare them off? I don’t know and, to be honest, I don’t care.”

“That’s so absurd.”

“I know. And he’ll definitely regret it.” Allison laughed gleefully. “Anyway, I got to go, I’ll see you Monday?”

“Uh, yes, have fun, I guess.”

“Oh, _I_ will.”

* * *

“So,” Dan started but wasn’t sure how to continue, “apparently Allison took Neil shopping today.”

“Huh?” Matt looked up from where he was bent over the stove and about to try a spoonful of tomato sauce. “What did she offer him to get him to agree?”

“Apparently,” Dan paused for effect, leaning her hip against the kitchen counter, “nothing. Neil asked her.”

Matt raised his eyebrows in surprise just like Dan had expected. “Why would he? He hates going to the mall.”

“I _know_.” Dan looked at Matt imploringly. “Allison said, she thinks he might be trying to impress someone.”

“Huh.” Matt nodded absently, trying another spoon full of sauce. The sauce had come out of a jar, but Matt insisted that testing it for the right taste made the cooking experience more special. Dan didn’t have the heart to disagree with him.

“Matt. Think.”

Matt blinked at her, probably realizing that she was expecting him to understand something.

“Didn’t you say he hit on you the other day? What if you got it right?”

“Oh wow, you think so?”

“I don’t know! You started it with your nonsense of Neil flirting with you.”

Matt finally set down the spoon, fully turning to Dan and mirroring her stance against the counter.

“So, Neil was trying to hit on me and now he got new clothes to impress me with his good looks.”

“That sounds completely absurd.” Dan shook her head. “But yeah.”

“Do you think, he might try something tonight?”

“I don’t know?” Dan threw up her hands.

What even was this crazy world.

“I mean,” Matt looked around them for a moment before letting his eyes settle on her again, “what would we do if he, you know?”

“Say ‘no thanks’?”

“Oh yeah, no, totally.”

“I mean…,” Dan trailed off for a moment, “right?”

“Yeah, yes. We would say ‘no.’”

“Yeah.” Dan was unable to decipher the weird energy in the room. “We would say ‘no.’”

After another moment, Matt turned to the stove and went back to stirring the sauce.

“I mean, Neil is practically our child.” After a pause, she added, “and I mean, we don’t do… _that_. With other people? Right?”

“Yeah, no, totally.” Matt shook his head vigorously. “You’re right, I just wanted to be sure.”

“Yeah.”

They both fell into another awkward silence, watching the bubbling sauce.

* * *

Climbing into bed next to Matt, Dan turned off the lights and lied down.

Neil had left less than half an hour ago, dressed as horribly as always and no flirting in sight.

“Are you disappointed?” Dan asked into the quiet of the room.

“No.” Matt’s answer had been immediate. After a beat of silence, “You?”

“No,” Dan said just as quickly.

* * *

**Mid-February**

“I swear to God, I’m going to kill him before the semester ends,” Dan seethed as she sat down in the armchair in her apartment, Allison and Renee lounging on the couch.

Allison just laughed, earning her a death glare from Dan.

“What happened? I thought your group project was going well.”

“Well, Renee, between the short asshole who contributes nothing other than sarcastic and increasingly condescending comments to point out our inadequacies, a workaholic who doesn’t know what a fucking break is, and lovely Miss Reynolds here, it’s going _great_. Couldn’t be better.”

“Aw, come on, Dan,” Allison drawled, “you got to admit it’s entertaining.”

“It’s really not, Allison.”

“You just have to take a step back from the situation. I promise, you’ll enjoy life way more.”

Matt quietly joined the three of them in the living room, not wanting to disturb their girl chat even though he had long been made an honorary member.

“Who are asshole and workaholic?” Matt finally asked, probably realizing that they wouldn’t clarify without being prompted.

“Andrew and Kevin, I told you about them.”

“Ah, the lab project, got it.”

“Yeah. And the thing is, Andrew’s comments would be really fucking useful, if he wouldn’t wait until we’ve already tried literally everything else.”

And it hadn’t just happened once. He did it all the time, watching them going in circles for up to half an hour in one instance, only to drop the solution on their heads with this frustratingly bored tone of voice as if it had been obvious.

“You’re all juniors, while he is a sophomore, maybe he wants to hear your thoughts first,” Renee quietly suggested, as always trying to keep the peace.

“Aw, Renee, that’s sweet of you that you are trying to protect your friend,” Allison said, “but that’s not the reason and we all know it. He just likes to watch other people fail and then make fun of them.”

“You shouldn’t speak of him like that,” Renee gently chastised.

“I heard he once stabbed someone,” Matt threw out randomly.

Allison looked over to him. “I heard the same rumor and honestly? I can see it. Wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to stab Kevin, either. And not going to lie, I wouldn’t stop him.”

“That rumor is actually true. It’s a story his brother likes to tell.” Renee took another sip of her coffee, lips twitching up in amusement.

“Wait, what?” Dan sat up straight, staring at Renee.

“Oh great, we’re in a group with a murderer,” Allison sighed, looking at Dan and spreading out her arms in a ‘what more can you ask for’ gesture. “And you thought this group project wasn’t entertaining, Dan. Are you still not entertained?”

Renee just rolled her eyes at Allison. “He poked a fellow student in elementary school with a pencil. Apparently said student had tried to steal his lunch.” Renee shrugged, taking another dainty sip of her coffee.

“Seriously?” Matt asked, sounding both confused and disappointed.

“Mhm,” Renee hummed, “ask Aaron.”

“Well, that’s… not half as shocking as I thought it would be. But I guess it’s better than murder.” Dan slumped back down in her armchair. “He’s still an asshole, though.”

* * *

**Early March**

“Matt got a weird text on Friday night.”

Dan was sitting with Allison and Renee in their favorite campus café, located on Palmetto boulevard and in perfect walking distance in between their classes.

Allison raised her eyebrows questioningly while Renee asked, “What was it?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say.”

Renee paused with her coffee cup halfway to her lips, furrowing her brows. “Then how do you know it was a weird text?”

“His phone pinged, and when he looked at it, he just froze.”

“Froze?”

“Yeah, he just blinked at his phone and then, after a quick look at me, locked his phone and stared back at the TV,” Dan picked up her coffee cup, halting just before taking a sip, “but I swear he wasn’t paying attention.”

Dan looked at the other two expectantly over the rim of her cup.

“And that’s it?”

“No,” Dan glared at Allison, “I was just creating tension by pausing.”

“Sure, sure.”

“Anyway,” Dan continued with a huff, setting her cup back down, “he picked up his phone after another moment and quickly typed something, probably answering to whatever message he had received.”

“Interesting,” Allison mused, leaning back in her squeaky chair and narrowing her eyes at nothing in particular.

Shifting in her seat after setting down her cup, Renee suggested, “Maybe it was just a friend texting him.”

“Matt always tells me everything. There is no way that was a normal text.” Dan nodded to herself, once again picking up her coffee.

“Fun fact,” Allison said, lips already twitching upwards, “Neil asked me on Friday how to contact someone other than via text.”

Dan’s head snapped to Allison, coffee cup forgotten in mid-air. Even Renee looked up surprised.

“Do you think he was the one messaging Matt?”

“I thought Neil had Matt’s phone number?” Renee tilted her head to the side.

“Hm, true.” Dan slumped into her chair. For a moment, she had been sure that it had been Neil.

Allison snorted, watching Dan. “Aw, Dan, you look disappointed. Were you still hoping for a threesome with your boyfriend and the lost boy?”

“Don’t call him that, Allison, it’s not nice,” Renee chastised but Allison merely poked out her tongue at her.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Dan answered Allison’s question, finally taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m sure there are plenty people Neil is messaging. And he has a group chat with me and Matt. It wouldn’t make sense for him to only text Matt.”

“You don’t honestly believe all those rumors, do you?” Allison looked at Dan incredulously.

“Uhm,” Dan hedged, “I mean, not _all_ of them.”

“Dan, that guy can barely dress himself. If he could, he would either live on the lacrosse field or never leave his room.” Allison sighed, as if annoyed that she had to even say this. “There is no way he is actually hooking up with all these people. He probably just got tired of you and Matt playing matchmakers during his first semester, so he went along with the rumors.”

Dan sat back, dumbfounded. After some initial surprise when the first rumors about Neil had surfaced about a year ago, she no longer gave them much thought. After all, Neil had come a long way from being the skinny, lanky boy that went unnoticed in a crowd. Quite the opposite, in fact – she doubted, there was anyone on campus that _didn’t_ know Neil.

Across from her, Renee was stirring her coffee, looking as calm and serene as ever, seemingly not surprised at Allison’s suggestion.

“But if he isn’t going to meet up with someone, then why would he always leave right after dinner at ours?”

“To avoid doing the dishes?” Allison rolled her eyes at Dan. “Or maybe just to go home and sleep so he can be up and running around campus at ass o’clock in the morning.”

“I don’t know,” Dan said after a moment of silent consideration.

“Clearly.”

* * *

**Mid-March**

Dan was determined to get to the bottom of the rumors about Neil. And if that would also shed light on Neil flirting with Matt, then that was just a nice side effect.

In order to make sure Neil wouldn’t be able to weasel his way out of the conversation – because he tended to do that – Dan had invited him to get lunch together in between their classes. Sitting down at one of the tables inside their campus Subway after grabbing two sandwiches, they spent several minutes catching each other up on the latest news.

Listening to Neil chatting about his classes – going well and being interesting for a change – and lacrosse practice – they were making progress, probably thanks to Neil and Kevin’s changes to the practice routine, but he doubted they would make it much further in this year’s championship – Dan was happy to see that Neil seemed much more relaxed than in the previous months.

Dan didn’t know all the details about Neil’s studies but even from watching him over the last three semesters, she was sure that Neil sometimes got overwhelmed by his classes. In his first semester, she had suggested that he should get a tutor – something that was perfectly normal for college athletes to do – and judging on the amount of time Neil was spending on campus, she figured he had followed her suggestion at some point.

It was an uphill battle though – the last time she had asked about potentially extending his undergrad studies from a 4-year to a 5-year track, the prickly little asshole had completely closed up.

Dan didn’t get it. She and Allison had decided on a 5-year track all the way back at the beginning of her sophomore year and it had made her life so much easier.

(With the exception of a certain group project where she was stuck with an asshole sophomore.)

When there was a lull in their conversation, Dan figured now was as good as it was going to get.

“Hey Neil.” Dan nodded to herself. That had been a solid start to a serious conversation.

“Huh?” Neil hummed unsuspecting, looking up from his sandwich, still chewing.

“My friend Mara asked for your number,” Dan finally said. “You want me to give it to her?”

“Uh, no.” Neil went back to his sandwich, more focused on keeping its contents from falling out than on Dan’s offer.

“She’s really cute, wait I think I have a photo of her on my phone.” Dan started rummaging in her bag, trying to find her phone. She was sure she had put it here somewh—

“No, really, uh, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Why, you already know her?”

Oh God, had Neil already slept with Mara?

“Uh, no.” Neil looked around them, rolling his shoulders.

Dan breathed a sigh of relief.

Setting her bag down on the floor, she sat up straighter and looked at Neil imploringly. “I just think it might be nice if you had someone more stable in your life, you know?”

Neil furrowed his brows, chewing on another massive bite until he could safely open his mouth to speak. “What do you mean?”

“You know, if you dated someone for a bit longer? And get to actually know them? I think that might be good for you.” Dan nodded encouragingly. “You know, compared to your usual one-offs.”

“My what?”

“Your, you know…,” Dan trailed off. When Neil merely nodded at her to continue, utter confusion clear on his face, she sighed and went on, “you know, Neil, about the parties and….” Feeling awkward, Dan hesitated for a moment before finishing lamely, “Stuff.”

Dan wasn’t sure what reaction she had expected but it wasn’t an exasperated eye-roll.

“Not you, too, Dan,” Neil sighed. “You know that I don’t even like parties.”

“Well, that’s true, I suppose.”

Neil just nodded, already going back to his sandwich.

So, was that a ‘no’ on the rumors?

And what about the threesome?

This was so confusing.

* * *

Leaning her hip against the kitchen counter, Dan ran the pizza cutter through the superficial lines of the delivered pizza so it would be easier to pick up the pieces during their movie night. In the living room, she could hear Matt explaining the premise of The Martian to Neil, but clearly wasn’t getting the excitement he had been hoping for.

Carefully stacking the large pizza box, paper plates, and napkins, Dan slowly made her way to the living room, trying hard not to drop anything.

“Hey Matt, I really like that shirt, it looks good on you.”

Dan almost tripped over her own feet at Neil’s quiet voice.

Stunned, Dan stood in the hall of her and Matt’s apartment.

Had Neil just _hit_ on Matt?

* * *

“And when I walked into the living room, Neil was sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened, but I swear, Matt was staring at me wide-eyed.” Dan was shaking her head, Allison and Renee sitting across from her at one of the tiny tables in their favorite campus café. “I swear, guys, he was hitting on Matt.”

The ‘I told you so’ went without saying.

But Allison merely looked at Dan for a long moment before leaning back in her creaky chair. “Interesting.”

Dan huffed. “You’ll see, Allison. You’ll see.”

* * *

**Mid-April**

Dan looked incredulously across the kitchen table where Neil and Matt were shoveling lasagna in their mouths, barely taking the time to swallow, much less chew.

Neither of them had said anything in the past ten minutes, too busy inhaling the food as if it had been weeks since the last meal.

Men.

Wrinkling her nose at the two, Dan set down her fork and placed her elbows on the table.

“Neil,” Dan started but got no reaction. Slightly louder, she tried again, “What’s going on in your life? We haven’t seen each other in ages.”

“I—" Neil tried talking but quickly reconsidered upon seeing Dan’s glare and finished swallowing first. “I was here just last weekend?”

“Okay, fine, anything new since last weekend?” Dan asked, rolling her eyes.

“Uhm,” Neil looked from Dan to Matt and back. Shrugging, he picked up another massive bite of lasagna before mumbling around his fork, “Not really.”

With that, their small kitchen once more settled into silence.

Huffing quietly, Dan lightly kicked Matt who looked up immediately, fork halfway to his mouth, cheeks still full of food. Subtly nodding in Neil’s direction, Dan hoped Matt would remember what they had talked about.

The issue wasn’t new. In fact, it happened every semester.

Shortly before the last week of exams, Neil would disappear and only show up once semester break had started. Dan was secretly glad that at least lacrosse season had ended last week after they had lost in the championship play-offs, so Neil could focus on his classes.

Still, she knew from other athlete friends how difficult it was to keep up with the class syllabus throughout the semester with practice and games taking priority. And how near impossible it was to catch up once championship season was over.

Allison had told Dan to stop worrying so much, and maybe she was right.

But most likely she wasn’t, so Dan and Matt had discussed things last night and decided to work out a study plan with Neil.

With how lost the guy was running around campus these days – she had called him the other day and he had said he was near the psych building. The _psych_ building! – a plan was clearly needed.

Thankfully, Matt’s confused look cleared in understanding and, after swallowing hard, he turned to Neil. “Exams are coming up in a couple weeks. I think I need to start studying soon. What about you? Feeling good?”

“Uh, yeah.” Neil ate the last bite on his plate and pointed at the baking dish in the middle of the kitchen table. “You want that or…?”

“Oh, no, go for it.” Matt quickly said, waving at Neil to go ahead. “So, exams, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Neil mumbled absently while shoveling the remaining lasagna onto his plate, immediately digging in again.

“You know you can talk to us, right?” Dan looked at Neil imploringly but got no reaction aside from a hesitant nod accompanied by another forkful of lasagna being shoveled into his mouth. “If classes are stressing you out or your professors are explaining things weird or whatever. You come to us.”

At Neil’s slow single nod, Dan continued, “We’ve been thinking that it might be a good idea to form a study group. We could set up fixed dates and then get together. That way we can help with whatever you might be struggling with.”

Pausing with his fork in mid-air, Neil once again looked between Dan and Matt. Running a hand through his hair – a nervous quirk he had picked up a couple weeks ago from somewhere – Neil finally said, “Uh, thanks guys. That’s really nice? But, uhm, I don’t think I have a lot of time in my schedule.”

“Oh yeah, we know your schedule is packed with tutoring and stuff.” Matt nodded quickly and, before Neil could get in a word, went on, “We just think it would be really good for us to study together. You have that Differential Equations class, right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“That’s great, we took that class last year. And, I mean, I wasn’t _great_ , but I passed. If you want, we can study that together.”

“Yeah, I passed as well, and I think I had like a solid B? Or something.”

“I think I had a C.” Matt chuckled to himself. “But I mean, that professor is terrible. And as engineering students we really just need to pass that class. No one’s going to ask us about our math grades.”

“Exactly, all you need to do is pass, Neil. So, no worries. Okay?”

Neil had been looking between Dan and Matt, quietly listening to their back-and-forth. After running a hand through his hair again, fork forgotten momentarily on his plate, Neil tilted his head to the side. “Is everything all right with _your_ classes? I mean, if you are struggling with your math classes, just let me know. I’m sure my classes already covered everything you need to know for your exams.”

Surprised, both Dan and Matt laughed at Neil’s deadpan comment. After almost two years, they were used to his weird combination of sharp humor and prickly rejection when it came to any kind of help offered to him, so they didn’t take the dismissal personally.

Grinning, Matt leaned forward on his elbows. “Did you walk into the wrong class again?”

A year ago, both Dan and Matt had come across a lost-looking Neil in the math building. He had insisted that he was going to some super abstract sounding class, but Dan was sure no such class existed, certainly not as part of their engineering curriculum.

With an eyeroll, Neil picked up his fork. “I told you, I was going to the right class. I was just on the wrong floor.”

Returning the eyeroll with an exasperated smile, Dan shook her head at his stubbornness. “Okay, okay. If you say so.”

Matt leaned over and ruffled Neil’s hair. “Sure thing, buddy. Like we said, just let us know when you want to study together, okay?”

After a hesitant nod, Neil went back to his plate, finishing up the last couple bites. With a sigh, Dan shook her head gently when Matt threw her a worried, questioning look.

They’ll just have to try again in a couple days.

* * *

**Late April**

The silence at their table was like a balm to a wound.

Or like an aspirin for a headache, which probably made much more sense since Dan’s head was pounding like crazy after last night’s party.

“Ugh, I swear I’m too old for parties.”

“Please don’t talk,” Matt whispered, his head resting on his forearms on the table.

Looking around, Dan cursed all those happy students sitting at the other tables in the café. “Tell that to the other students. They’re too loud.”

“You have no tolerance. Weaklings.”

Dan glared at Allison who was sitting in her chair as if it was a throne, ridiculously large black sunglasses hiding her eyes from the world.

“Where’s Renee?” Matt slowly raised his head and blinked against the bright light streaming into the café through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

“Study group,” came Allison’s answer. “Lucky non-alcoholics.”

“Talking about non-alcoholics.” Matt looked around as if only now realizing where he was. “Where’s Neil?”

“No idea, I know I saw him last night, but I think he left early?”

“I think he was looking for someone,” Allison said cryptically, pushing her massive glasses further up her nose, moving suspiciously slowly.

“Huh? Who?”

“I don’t know, Dan. Maybe knowing who he went home with would answer that question.”

“You think he went home with someone?” asked Matt.

Allison’s laughter made Dan’s head pound louder. Did she have to be so cheerful?

“Aw, Matt, did your crush not ask you to take him home?” Allison asked mockingly, followed by more headache inducing laughter.

“Whatever, Allison,” Matt grumbled. “I’m telling you, he is sending mixed signals.”

“Trust me, Matt,” Allison responded with an eye-roll, “he really isn’t.”

* * *

> _Allison: have you heard from neil?_
> 
> _Allison: someone at the bar just said that he got into a fight at his lacrosse practice_
> 
> _Allison: I can’t reach him_

After hearing her phone going off several times in quick succession, Dan disentangled herself from Matt on their couch to fish it out from between the couch pillows. Reading the texts, she immediately sat up straight.

“Everything okay?” Came Matt’s calm voice.

“Neil got into a fight.”

“What?”

> _Dan: I’ll try and reach him_

15 minutes later, Dan hung up her phone after Allison had brought her up to speed and turned to Matt who was still trying to get Neil to respond to his text messages.

“This is ridiculous. The rumors go from Neil merely insulting Roland to an all-out fist fight between half the lacrosse team.”

“That’s insane,” Matt said, shaking his head while hanging up after his call went ignored for the umpteenth time. “That doesn’t sound like Neil at all.”

“What’s going on with him, he barely responded to my texts the last couple days and now this?”

“I don’t kn—he answered!”

> _Little buddy: I’m fine._
> 
> _Little buddy: Don’t feel like talking._

“Well, clearly he’s not fine,” Matt mumbled, holding up his phone between him and Dan so she could see the messages as well.

Another 20 minutes later, they still hadn’t managed to get Neil on the phone or find out what had really happened at Neil’s practice. Or how Neil was _actually_ doing.

> _Dan: Neil, please pick up the phone. We’re worried._

When no response came, she decided to get serious.

> _Dan: Pick up or we’ll come to your place. Your choice._

“I told him to either pick up or we’ll drive over to his place,” Dan told Matt. “We probably should’ve just done that in the first place.”

Matt next to her on the couch hummed, Dan already busy texting Allison their new tactic when a new text popped up.

> _Neil: I said I do not want to talk tonight. How about you leave me alone and for once accept the fact that you are not my parents. You do not get to just demand anything from me._

Dan stared at her phone, feeling as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on her.

She had seen Neil ripping people apart with carefully selected words wrapped in barbed wire, but she had never been on the receiving end.

Until today, it seemed.

“I think he’s serious,” Dan said quietly, showing Matt her phone.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah.”

“What should we do?”

“I mean, what can we do?”

> _Dan: I’m sorry Neil, I didn’t mean to cross a line. We’re just worried. Let’s talk tomorrow?_

She didn’t even mind that Neil didn’t respond.

Quickly letting Allison know that ‘Mission: Storm Neil’s apartment’ was called off, she turned to Matt equal parts confused, worried, and hurt.

* * *

After a night filled with her mind making up increasingly worrying scenarios, Dan had woken up on Friday and, even before turning off her alarm clock or looking over at Matt, checked her phone for any new messages from Neil.

What if Roland was seriously injured? Would they kick Neil off the lacrosse team? Wasn’t Neil on a sports scholarship? Would he have to leave the university?

Maybe he would get charged? Did he need a lawyer?

Dan and Matt barely managed to not text Neil throughout getting ready for the day and driving to campus. As soon as Dan sat down in her first class, however, she took out her phone and started typing furiously, completely ignoring her professor in favor of asking Neil again if they could talk, if he wanted to come over, _if he was okay_.

> _Neil: I don’t feel like talking._

Groaning quietly, Dan leaned back in her chair. Neil had said that at least ten times now.

How was Dan supposed to take care of him when he wouldn’t let her?

> _Dan: Did you already talk to your coach?_

Biting her thumb nail, Dan tapped her right foot and looked around herself, unsuccessfully trying to calm her nerves.

> _Matt: Any news?_
> 
> _Dan: He still doesn’t want to talk but seems to be going to his classes. You?_
> 
> _Matt: Said he was fine but who knows what that means with him_

Dan huffed out a nervous laugh at Matt’s text and switched back to the chat with Neil.

Who still hadn’t answered.

They had been going back and forth – even if his responses had been minimal at best – until her last message.

> _Dan: Neil?_

She looked over to the clock at the wall of the lecture hall.

Two minutes.

Five minutes.

Still nothing.

> _Dan: Neil, did something happen?_

Why wasn’t he answering?

> _Dan: Neil, call me, okay?_
> 
> _Dan: Neil?_


	5. Andrew and the Pipedream (Andrew POV)

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Fellow sophomore engineering student at PSU, majoring in computer engineering, friend of Aaron’s girlfriend Katelyn, vice-captain of Nicky’s lacrosse team, best friends with Dan and Matt (engineering juniors), birthday unknown (despite several subtly asked questions to Andrew’s friend Renee who is friends with Dan and Matt), likes wearing clothes in Palmetto orange (disgusting), doesn’t know how to dress himself but looks hot anyways (also see: previous point), rolls his shoulders when irritated, is about 5’3’’ and has freckles (found out when Neil was standing in front of Andrew before an exam in their first semester while waiting for the doors to the lecture hall to open), has very nice teeth (they’re straight, white and annoying), his lips look very soft (they have been studied extensively in shared classes in the last three semesters), doesn’t smile often but when he does the world gets several degrees warmer (information based on objective research conducted by Andrew), looks down when laughing about something (very irritating, not endearing), lives in a dorm on the campus hills (information thanks to Katelyn), is weirdly good at math (as indicated by his answers when the professors call on him; grades unknown), has a slightly raspy voice (very annoying and not at all attractive), has a full scholarship (information also thanks to Katelyn; exact scholarship type unknown but rumors say it’s for lacrosse), very athletic (disgusting), doesn’t know that Andrew exists.
  2. Pipedream



* * *

**Mid-January**

"Who can tell me how we continue with the variable e in this equation?"

"We square it," Andrew whispered to himself as he added a tiny 2 to the crooked e in his math notes.

"We take its square root," a female student from somewhere behind him stated confidently after the professor had pointed at her.

"Or not," Andrew whispered again, erasing the tiny 2 and instead squeezing a root symbol around the e.

He was still looking at the equation in his notebook and trying to figure out where the square root had come from when he suddenly felt eyes on him.

After waiting a moment to see if the prickling sensation on the back of his neck would go away, he slowly looked up from his notebook.

The students around him on his side of the large lecture hall were focused on the old man in the front. Some of them looked familiar, probably also engineering students that were forced to suffer through this hell of a general ed math class. The professor was busy writing seemingly random letters and numbers on the blackboard. The students sitting to his left wer—

There.

Why was Neil Hatford looking at him? And why wasn’t he looking away? Didn’t he know the proper etiquette when you got caught staring?

Eyes locked, Andrew could have sworn that time stopped. The noise of the professor writing with chalk on the blackboard faded into the background, the ticking of the old-fashioned clock above the entrance doors went out of rhythm with increasingly long intervals between each distinct beat, and the mumbling of the other students turned into nothing more than a low hum.

Unable to do anything other than look back, Andrew felt heat crawling up his neck and to his ears and cheeks. Only after what felt like an eternity, Hatford finally looked down at his table.

Broken out of his stupor by the movement, Andrew blinked several times as he checked around him to make sure no one had witnessed that bizarre moment. Running a hand through his hair, he tried to concentrate again on the lecture.

Once the writing on the blackboard had come back into focus – which was a sign of Andrew being tired, not him needing glasses – he realized that the square root had somehow disappeared again from the equation during the latest step.

Sighing, Andrew cursed his mother for the umpteenth time for convincing him to pursue his interest in robots with an academic education by studying mechanical engineering. And why had no one told him just how much math there would be?

Hatford probably had no problems following the lecture, Andrew thought with a huff, his mind still stuck on the redhead on the other side of the room.

Andrew had first noticed Neil Hatford all the way back in their first semester when he had gotten into a heated discussion with one of their general ed professors. With his wild, dark red curls, smug smirk and bright eyes, Hatford would’ve been captivating even without the cutting remarks that had left their professor without a chance of winning their argument.

Andrew had never been more sure of being gay than on that fateful day.

Shortly after, he had found out that they were both engineering students and shared most of their general ed classes during freshman year. For the most part, Hatford participated in their lectures about as much as Andrew did, but it was still painfully obvious every time he _did_ say something that he was miles ahead of any other student. Including Andrew.

So, while Andrew was still searching for the square root, Hatford was probably bored out of his mind and looking at Andrew had been an accident. Maybe he had looked _behind_ Andrew and his head had been in the way?

But there was nothing except for the wall of the classroom?

Still looking at the wall, Andrew wondered if he was misjudging the angle. Quickly turning his head toward Hatford—

He once again locked eyes with him.

What the hell.

Even Andrew with his limited talent in statistics knew that locking eyes twice by accident was highly unlikely. That meant, it probably wasn’t an accide—

Neil Hatford was smiling at him.

And Andrew’s mind went completely blank.

After about a second, that stupid smile still in place on Hatford’s stupidly attractive face, Andrew’s brain thankfully came back online, thoughts running through his head: What did the smile mean? And, was Andrew supposed to smile back?

Before he could do something so unbelievably stupid he probably would’ve had to drop out of university, change his name and move to another country, Andrew remembered that he wasn’t a person that _smiled_ at people.

Instead, he narrowed his eyes at Hatford.

Whatever game the guy was playing, Andrew was not having it.

Finally, after the stare-down had lasted far beyond anything that could be considered comfortable, Hatford looked away and Andrew felt like he could breathe again.

That was ridiculous, of course. Andrew didn’t stop breathing just because a hot guy smiled at him.

Plenty of hot guys smiled at Andrew all the time.

Well, maybe not _plenty_. Or _all the time_.

But it happened. Sometimes.

Watching from the corner of his eye, Andrew tried not to feel self-conscious as Hatford bickered with Katelyn sitting next to him. They weren’t talking about him, Andrew told himself. Hatford had just recognized Andrew from their shared classes last semester, no big deal.

Yeah, that was it. Fixing the collar of his shirt, Andrew nodded to himself and decided to pay attention to the old man at the front.

Or maybe Hatford thought Andrew was Aaron? But why would Aaron be in a math lecture when he studied psychology. And Aaron would probably sit next to Katelyn. And why would Hatford smile at Aaron?

That didn’t make any more sense than Hatford smiling at Andrew.

Not that hot guys _shouldn’t_ smile at Andrew, he thought as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged on the collar of his shirt again.

It was just that this specific hot guy had never noticed Andrew before in any of their shared classes. In fact, they had never talked or interacted in any way.

Andrew, of course, still knew _about_ Hatford. His reputation preceded him wherever he went and, thanks to Nicky, Andrew was inadvertently always caught up on the latest hook-up rumors.

Andrew felt his cheeks heat up all over again.

Shaking his head to clear his mind of any _very much_ unwanted images, Andrew glared at his notebook. Stupid hot guys with stupidly attractive smiles.

* * *

Okay, honestly, fuck that guy. It had been a week of Hatford smiling at him at least once during their shared lectures and Andrew had just about enough.

What did it _mean_?

* * *

“Oh, baby cousin, you look nice!” Nicky obnoxiously drew out the words, looking appraisingly at Andrew’s outfit as he walked into their kitchen to get some cereal.

“What’s different about him?” Aaron mumbled into his bowl of cereals, sounding still half asleep.

“Aaron, you can’t be serious.”

Aaron looked up, eyebrows furrowed. “He looks like always?”

“That’s because I always look nice.” Andrew was not going to discuss the ten extra minutes he had spent on his hair to make sure it looked appropriately tousled or his shirt that was a bit tighter to accentuate his shoulders and arms.

“Of course, you do.” Nicky grinned at Andrew, throwing him an exaggerated wink but thankfully not pressing any further.

* * *

Damn it, Andrew thought as he quickly looked down at his notebook.

He had let his guard down and his eyes had wandered – without permission from his brain, obviously – to Hatford and _of course_ that was when the guy had to look up.

_Damn it._

And that fucking smile. Andrew hated it.

* * *

**Early February**

Well, fuck him, Andrew thought as he watched Hatford swagger alongside Katelyn into their lecture hall. Gone were the baggy clothes, the formless jeans and washed-out sweater. The fucker could wear a trashbag and still look hot but formfitting dark jeans and a dark blue shirt with rolled up sleeves?

Whoever dressed Hatford like that – because after three semesters, Andrew was confident that Hatford had no idea how to properly dress himself – should be thrown into prison. Or given a Nobel prize. Andrew wasn’t sure which one yet.

The dark blue matched Hatford’s slightly tanned skin perfectly, making him look even more like the healthy student athlete that he was.

Disgusting.

Unable to take his eyes off Hatford as he walked to his seat a bit further to the back than Andrew’s row of seats, his traitorous eyes took in how perfectly those pants hugged those damn thighs.

Fucking hell. Andrew was too gay for this.

Taking a deep breath, Andrew looked to the front of the lecture hall where his professor was already busy explaining the content of today’s lecture. Only then did he notice several other students also ogling Hatford.

At least he wasn’t the only pathetic one here.

* * *

**Mid-February**

“Oh look, it’s Neil again.” Nicky’s cheerful voice had Andrew look up quicker than he would like to admit. “He’s so hot,” Nicky added in a dreamy voice.

“Nicky.”

“Oh, come on Andrew, don’t tell me you don’t think he’s hot.”

Andrew just glared at his cousin, not willing to comment on the hotness of one Neil Hatford.

“He’s fucking weird, if you ask me. What is he doing all the way over here when his lecture halls are on the other side of the historic district.”

“Who cares, Aaron, just enjoy the view.” Nicky was clearly too used to Andrew’s silence and Aaron’s grumpiness to let them deter his good mood.

“Yeah, Aaron, just enjoy the view,” Andrew drawled sarcastically, glad Nicky’s attention had moved on to Aaron.

“Fuck off, you know I’m right. I’ve seen him run around the North Campus for the past week. What is he doing here?”

“Maybe he’s busy doing the walk of shame.” Nicky shrugged as they continued to make their way from the nearest food court to Aaron’s psych building and Nicky’s education building. “But honestly, if that’s what shame looks like then please give me some of that, yes daddy.”

“Oh my God, do not ever say that again,” Aaron groaned, looking up at the sky dramatically. “Why can’t we have normal conversations?”

Andrew watched with amusement as Nicky draped an arm over Aaron’s shoulders and calmly explained to him that sex was a perfectly normal thing and that this was a ‘safe space’ for Aaron if he wanted to tell them about something. It was almost impressive how perfectly he lived up to the stereotype of someone aspiring to become a teacher.

“Ugh, you suck,” Aaron grunted as he shoved Nicky off him.

After splitting up at the next intersection to walk to their respective classes, Andrew thought back to what Aaron had said. He wasn’t wrong, of course. Hatford had been everywhere for the past week, crossing his path almost every day.

It was odd. Not unwelcome. But odd.

* * *

“Andrew?”

“Hm?” Andrew quickly looked over to Aaron. “What?”

“You’ve been staring out the window for the past five minutes.” Aaron threw a confused glance through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the small café where they often got coffee together when they had long days on campus. “Is everything all right?”

Shrugging casually and unwilling to talk about anything Neil Hatford-smiling-at-Andrew-related, Andrew hesitated a moment before answering, “I just thought I saw Hatford behind the corner of the library building.”

There. That had been a perfectly good and innocuous explanation. Let’s see what Aaron would make of that.

After an initial, long drawn-out groan, Aaron’s urge to say ‘I told you so’ was an almost tangible thing in the air between them. It made it all the more interesting that he was holding off on the comment.

After a visible deep breath, Aaron merely hummed, watching Andrew closely.

Andrew wasn’t sure what to make of that but with a mom working as a therapist, a brother studying to become a therapist and a cousin studying special education, Andrew was immune to psychological games. He certainly wouldn’t play into Aaron’s cards and just _ask_.

“What?”

Damn it, okay maybe he would ask.

“I’m just wondering why it matters to you why he’s here.”

“It doesn’t,” Andrew said quickly, glaring at Aaron’s raised eyebrows.

“Just out of curiosity, where do you know him from?”

“What do you mean? Nicky always talks about him. And he studies engineering. We shared classes over the last couple semesters.”

Aaron, the unhelpful asshole, tilted his head to the side and kept watching Andrew as if crosschecking Andrew’s behavior against his textbooks.

“Can you use words? Your mind is too cluttered for me to read it.”

“Oh sure, _my_ mind is too cluttered, that’s the only issue.” Aaron grinned, going along with Andrew’s reference to their childhood when they had been convinced that they could read each other’s minds if they just tried hard enough. Spoiler, they couldn’t.

Andrew shrugged, taking a sip from his hot chocolate.

“What’s going on with you and Hatford? You usually don’t remember students enough to recognize them a semester later and you certainly don’t care when you see random students walk around campus. Even if they’re hiding creepily behind corners.”

“Nothing, obviously,” Andrew mumbled into his cup. He doubted repeated eye contact counted for anything in Hatford’s mind.

Taking another sip of his hot chocolate, Andrew went back to looking out of the window. Thankfully, Aaron got the hint and started talking about the various mental disorders he had recently discussed in his classes.

Half an hour later, while walking to his next class, Andrew begrudgingly admitted to himself that Neil Hatford was no longer just nice to look at.

He was _interesting,_ and that just wouldn’t do.

* * *

**Late February**

“Andrew!”

Andrew looked up to find Katelyn crossing the lecture hall and making her way over to where he was sitting, Hatford following several steps behind her.

What was happening?

“Are these seats free?”

Without giving Andrew a chance to respond – because fuck no, he didn’t want anyone sitting next to him, thank you very much – Katelyn was already shoving Hatford into the seat next to Andrew before sitting down in the seat next to him.

Fuck.

“Uhm, hi.”

Hatford’s raspy voice sounded even better than Andrew had remembered from last semester, probably because he was _so close_. And his eyes were insanely blue. Was that a normal color for eyes? Andrew didn’t think that was a normal color.

“I’m Neil.”

Andrew quickly looked over to the professor to take a moment to collect himself.

Okay, Andrew, focus. This was not the time to be gay. Just say your name like a normal person and this conversation will be over.

“I know.”

Or he could be weird. That was also always an option, Andrew thought as his eyes were inevitably drawn back to _Neil_. It wasn’t a good option but apparently the one his brain went for.

Maybe Neil thought he was rude. That would work, Andrew decided.

Turning back to the front and trying to move past this extremely unpleasant moment, Andrew was painfully aware that Neil was still looking at him while the awkward silence Andrew had created dragged on.

“Well, that’s good then,” Neil finally settled on. And if things weren’t already bad enough, the guy winked. He fucking _winked_. With his perfect blue eyes and straight nose and cheekbones and nice lips and even nicer smile.

Fucking hell.

Way out of his depths, Andrew could do nothing but nod at Neil with what he thought was an “uh, yeah” tagged on, hoping he would be left alone to drown in a pool of shame.

Thankfully, Neil was mostly quiet for the rest of the lecture. His comments, while said in no particular direction, were clearly aimed at Katelyn who always had an easy response ready.

As soon as the professor ended the lecture, Andrew made sure to get the fuck out of there, not deterred by the quiet “bye Andrew” from Neil. Hatford. Whatever. At least Andrew managed to respond like a normal fucking person that time around.

He had never had a lecture _that_ stressful. He sure as fuck hoped they would go back to their normal seating arrangements next time.

And if Andrew thought about Neil saying his name in that stupidly raspy voice for the rest of the day, no one could ever know.

* * *

“Hey baby cousin.”

Sprawled across his bed, brain refusing to shut up about Neil fucking Hatford, Andrew turned his head to the open door of his room and saw Nicky leaning against the door frame.

Neil had sat next to Andrew again today. And he had still looked ridiculously pretty from up close. And, even worse, his comments throughout the lecture had been really fucking _smart_. It had taken Andrew a bit to realize that Katelyn’s whispers weren’t mindless chatter but serious questions about their lecture. And Neil had been able to answer every single one of them.

Andrew had known that Neil understood math better than him, but this was just not fair.

Ugh.

“You’re okay?” Nicky asked, walking into his room and, after Andrew reluctantly moved his arms from their starfish position to rest on his stomach, proceeded to lie down next to Andrew, thankfully leaving a couple inches between them.

“Don’t call me that,” Andrew mumbled belatedly. For a moment he thought about telling Nicky to go away but leaving his door ajar had basically been an invitation, so Andrew didn’t bother.

“Boy trouble?”

“No.”

“Oh, that’s a yes, isn’t it?” Nicky nodded sagely. “Tell me about him, my young gay padawan.”

“Ugh, shut up Nicky.” Andrew hated it when Nicky talked to him as if he was clueless. Because he wasn’t. “I’m not a baby.”

Nicky rolled onto his side, simply watching Andrew.

Blinking at the ceiling, Andrew tried not to fidget too much with the hem of his shirt. Having someone else’s full attention always made him feel oddly vulnerable.

Andrew hated it.

He also really didn’t feel like talking about Neil, so he tried to ignore Nicky and let the silence drag on.

And on.

“Maybe there is a boy.”

Damn it, why was Andrew so weak around his family. People always assumed he was quiet and aggressive and arrogant. Why couldn’t he live up to that reputation more?

“Is it Roland?” Nicky asked, teasing tone gone from his quiet voice.

“What? No.” Andrew furrowed his brows. Roland was… no one, really. They had hooked up a couple times, nothing more.

Nicky hummed but didn’t look surprised at his answer when Andrew quickly glanced over at him before focusing back on the ceiling.

“Do I know him?”

“No.” He had probably answered too quickly to be believable. But Nicky merely hummed again, simply accepting Andrew’s answer.

“Is he cute?”

Andrew shrugged awkwardly into his pillow.

“Is he funny?”

Andrew didn’t know. Today’s lecture had again been absolutely excruciating but he somehow found himself hoping that it wouldn’t be the last time they had talked.

Maybe next time he could form actual sentences.

When Andrew had stayed silent for several minutes, lost in his thoughts, Nicky went on, “Is he kind?”

Was Neil kind? He seemed nice enough when he had let Katelyn copy his notes or explained parts of the lecture in much more understandable terms. Or made sure not to bump Andrew’s elbow too often. But beyond that? Andrew didn’t know.

“We haven’t really talked much,” was what he finally settled on.

“Well, that’s all right. Not everything needs to be instant. You can take your time.”

“You’re talking as if I’ve never dated before.”

“Have you? Hooking up is not the same as dating, Andrew.”

Well. What was Andrew supposed to say to that.

“Hooking up is just about getting what you want in that moment,” Nicky went on. “Which is fine, it’s fun. But dating, Andrew, maybe even a relationship, that’s about caring about someone, for someone. That’s about looking after the needs of another person, not just your own.”

“I don’t think it’s that serious, Nicky.” Andrew sighed, clasping his hands above his stomach and interlacing his fingers. Sometimes, Andrew wondered if Neil was flirting with him, with his long looks and small smiles. But, of course, he knew that was most likely wishful thinking on his part. “I just… There’s just a guy, and he’s. I don’t know. He’s just, there, I guess. And I don’t know.”

“Is he the reason why you’ve been dressing extra pretty for the last couple weeks?” Nicky whispered into the silence.

Embarrassed, Andrew groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Nicky.”

“Ah, come on, I’m your older and much wiser cousin, I’m allowed to tease you.” Nicky’s quiet laughter danced around the room.

“I…,” Andrew paused, ran a hand through his hair and tugged on the ends, before finally whispering, “I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Then don’t, Andrew. It’s okay to think about pretty boys. You’re allowed to do that, you know that.”

Andrew looked over at Nicky. He was lying on his side, his right cheek resting on the palm of his right hand, his left arm resting in front of his chest, still a couple inches from Andrew. His lips were pulled into a small smile, his eyes warm and free of judgment.

Sometimes he hated how comfortable Nicky was with these conversations.

And sometimes Andrew was thankful for it.

* * *

Andrew glared at the dark practice circuit board in his hands, the lamp not lighting up as it was supposed to after Andrew had connected all components along the tracks.

“You’ve been staring at that thing for the past 15 minutes.”

Andrew looked over at Aaron walking to the couch, a thick book in his hands that Andrew wouldn’t want to touch, much less read.

Shrugging, Andrew turned back to the computer screen to go over the instructions _again_.

“It’s not working but I can’t figure out what I’m missing.”

Aaron hummed, letting comfortable silence settle between them as they both focused on their studies. Usually, Andrew preferred to be alone, but Nicky had insisted that they set up the computer and drawing board as a working station in the living room, not Andrew’s bedroom because “the electromagnetic smog is not good for your health, Andrew”.

He didn’t mind it as much as he would’ve thought. Plus, it still beat living in a dorm any day.

With Aaron quietly reading on the couch and King sleeping next to him, Andrew tinkered with the circuit board this way and that, switching to different tracks and quickly switching back when it screwed up the entire sequence. Just as he was about to check the instructions again, his phone dinged with a notification. He carefully placed the practice board on the desk and picked up his phone from next to the computer.

> _nhatford10 liked your photo – 1 minute ago_

Andrew stared at the screen.

Quickly tapping on the notification, it opened to a photo of himself that Nicky had taken only a couple days ago of Andrew lying on the couch with King sitting on his chest.

He had thought that his arms had looked good (plus, King looked super cute with the tip of her tongue sticking out of her tiny cat face), so he’d posted it.

He hadn’t been aware that Neil knew his Instagram.

Quickly going to Neil’s profile page, he saw that Neil wasn’t following him. That meant he must’ve specifically gone to Andrew’s profile.

Was that better or worse?

“What happened? You look like you saw a ghost.” Aaron said from the couch, book still open on his lap. “Did you go back to one of those porn sites and now they’re sending you weird emails again?”

“No, fuck you, and that was one time.”

Aaron just grinned at Andrew’s glare. The people in this household were too immune when it came to Andrew’s hostility. He needed to work on that.

“Then what?”

Andrew shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “Neil liked one of my photos on Instagram.”

Aaron’s eyebrows went up past his fringe, his look a weird mix between dubious, annoyed and curious.

“What do you think it means?” Andrew asked, going back to his post and staring at Neil’s Instagram handle, now listed as one of the people who had liked the photo.

“It probably means that _Neil_ liked your photo.”

Andrew rolled his eyes at that unhelpful answer. “Yeah thanks, asshole. I can see that. But what does it _mean_.”

With a sigh, Aaron closed his book and got off the couch. He clapped Andrew mockingly on the shoulder before walking out of the living room and off to his own, King following behind. “It means that you’re an idiot.”

Andrew just glared after Aaron. Unhelpful ass.

Locking his phone, he placed it screen-down back on the desk and tried to focus on the instructions on his computer screen. This shouldn’t be that hard, usually he enjoyed working with circuit boards. Then again, usually he wasn’t constantly zoning out and thinking of pretty boys that liked his photos. On social media. For everyone to see.

After another unsuccessful trial run, he picked up his phone again and went back to Neil’s profile page. Andrew would be a liar if he said he had never checked it out before – Neil was hot and an athlete and Andrew had been hoping for some photos with Neil in shorts, okay? – so he was embarrassingly familiar with the handful of photos of the lacrosse team and group photos of Neil with his friends.

The newest post was from January.

Sighing, Andrew placed his phone down on his desk again, trying to come up with what he should do.

Was he supposed to respond? But how do you respond to a like?

And why would Neil even like a photo of him? He clearly wasn’t very active on Instagram.

“Hey Andrew, how’s it going?”

Swiveling on his desk chair, he pinned Erik on the spot. “What do you do when Nicky likes one of your photos on Instagram?”

“Uhm,” Erik stopped in his tracks on his way to his and Nicky’s bedroom, clearly surprised that Andrew hadn’t ignored him. “I would thank him?”

“What if he wasn’t there to thank him.”

“I would… call him?”

“No, next.”

“Okay,” Erik paused, putting his hands on his hips and tilting his head to the side. “I would text him.”

“No.”

“Maybe I would like one of his photos?”

Andrew halted and looked at Erik for a moment. “That is actually a good idea.”

“Cool.” Erik nodded, clearly curious but too polite to ask any questions. At least some people in this household still had respect. Or maybe it was just one of those moments where Erik tried to fortify them as a unit – according to him, the two engineers in the family needed to stick together.

“You can leave now.”

Erik nodded, laughing as if Andrew had made a joke, and, after knocking against the door frame twice, finally left. “I’m glad I was able to help you,” was said over his shoulder, not demanding a response from Andrew.

Going back to Neil’s profile page, he went through the different posts. Neil looked good in all of them, obviously, but Andrew would feel weird if he liked a photo with people he didn’t know. With a sigh, he scrolled past the photo with Neil’s friends and to the newest lacrosse photo.

Ugh, lacrosse.

He spotted Nicky on the photo and hoped that Nicky wouldn’t see that Andrew had liked it.

He didn’t want to risk another _talk_.

With his thumb hovering over the heart button, Andrew cursed Neil for putting him on the spot like that. Couldn’t he just go back to ignoring Andrew like he had done in the past?

This was so stressful.

With a sigh, he tapped the heart button.

* * *

Andrew looked at the gray sky through the windshield of their car as he drove his family home after their day on campus. Nodding along to the music, Andrew decided that it had been a good day.

This semester, he was actually enjoying most of his classes. The general ones in his first year had been excruciatingly boring, but now that they were more specific to his major, they were a lot more challenging and interesting.

The sole exception was his stupid math class, which continued to be awful.

After a moment, Andrew rolled his eyes at his own thought. Who was he kidding? His lectures for ‘Introduction to Ordinary Differential Equations’ every Tuesday and Thursday were slowly becoming the highlights of his week.

Even though Andrew still didn’t know _why_ Neil was sitting next to him, they had somehow settled into their new seating arrangement. And Neil willingly explaining what was going on to Katelyn – Andrew listening closely since he understood fuck all when listening to their professor – didn’t hurt either.

Sure, they still hadn’t progressed beyond ‘hello’ and ‘bye’ but Andrew liked silence, so he figured it was all right.

Based on Neil’s reputation and the glimpses Andrew had caught of him at the few lacrosse games he had been forced to attend because of Nicky, he had always thought that Neil was an obnoxious loudmouth. Pretty, but still obnoxious and loud.

But sitting next to him in the quietness of the class, watching him switch pens randomly and play with his silver necklace with his stupidly attractive hands, however, painted a very different picture.

Andrew wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t so disturbing.

Neil progressing from ‘hot’ to ‘interesting’ had been bad. But now, Neil was slowly becoming an integral part of Andrew’s week – almost venturing into ‘important’ territory – and that just wouldn’t do.

Andrew didn’t do _important_. Not with people outside his family.

Parking in front of their apartment building, just ten minutes away from campus, Andrew followed the others inside when his phone pinged with a text message.

> _Roland PSU: hey, I’m gonna ask Felix out_

Andrew rolled his eyes. It wasn’t as if that came as a surprise, Roland had been pining over that guy for weeks.

Andrew figured this was Roland’s way of telling him they could no longer hook up which was all right – Andrew hadn’t been interested in inviting him over for well over a month at this point.

> _Andrew: pathetic_

Andrew locked his phone before getting on the elevator with the others and only looked at his phone again when he was in his room and on the way to his wardrobe to change into more comfortable clothes.

> _Roland PSU: looked in the mirror recently?_

He furrowed his brows at the text. Andrew was familiar enough with Roland to know he was teasing, but he didn’t think he had done anything different the last couple times they had seen each oth—

> _Roland PSU: pretty sure you didn’t upgrade your style for my sake ;)_

“Asshole,” Andrew grumbled and left Roland on read.

* * *

“Look what I saw on my morning run.”

Andrew was startled out of his daydream about playing with Neil’s hair – it looked very soft today – by Neil shoving his phone in front of his face. It took Andrew a moment to focus on the small screen and recognize what seemed to be… a duck?

“Uhm.” What was he supposed to say to that? “Is that the school pond?”

“Yeah, in the botanical garden,” came the quick response.

Looking away from the small screen where Neil was busy swiping from duck photo to duck photo, Andrew imagined Neil in running shorts and shirt. Or maybe no shirt.

“And you run there every morning?”

Andrew breathed a sigh of relief that his brain-to-mouth-filter had worked. For a moment, he hadn’t been sure what would come out when he’d opened his mouth.

“Uh, yeah.” Swipe. More ducks. “Why?”

“It’s just.” Glancing down at Neil’s thighs, Andrew shouldn’t be surprised that Neil was one of those crazy people that went running because they actually _wanted_ to. “That’s pretty far from the dorms, isn’t it?”

“I mean,” Neil hummed and quickly rolled his shoulders once, finally looking at Andrew. “I jog around the entire campus, so it’s on my way anyway.”

Every day. Around the entire campus.

What kind of crazy person does that?

Then again, who’s into ducks of all things?

Unfairly attractive idiots-slash-math-geniuses apparently. Staring at Neil’s icy blue eyes – Andrew still wasn’t convinced that they were real; no one was _that_ pretty – he tried to come up with something to move this very weird conversation along.

Because he would be damned if he messed up their first real conversation.

“Uhm.” Glancing at the old man at the front, Andrew thought about how Nicky would probably tell him to say something that related to Neil’s interests. (“If someone shares something about themselves, you should always try to make them feel comfortable. Be a safe space for others, Andrew.”)

Relate to Neil’s interests.

Andrew could do that, he thought, internally nodding to himself. He could talk about his cat, since Neil had already seen a photo of her. Or maybe he should talk about going to the gym, so Neil would know that Andrew worked out.

Before he could decide between these two _very good_ options, however, his brain got stuck on the little cluster of freckles on Neil’s left cheek right under his eye – his face was _right there_ , okay – and Andrew’s mouth went on an uncontrolled ramble. “Did you know that ducks actually have highly waterproof feathers? Even when they dive underwater, the downy underlayer of their feathers right next to the skin will stay completely dry.”

Well.

Andrew supposed, duck trivia could be considered interesting by someone who liked them.

Right?

Judging by Neil’s long and considering look, that was probably a ‘no.’

“That’s cool, I didn’t know that.”

Oh.

Andrew tried to be subtle about the sigh of relief he involuntarily released but was probably unsuccessful.

Neil had said that Andrew’s random knowledge was _cool_. Take _that_ , Aaron. Not everyone thought it was weird to know stuff like that.

Nodding contentedly, Andrew looked back to the front, writing down numbers at random. After another couple beats, Neil finally turned to the front as well, letting Andrew go back to daydreaming in peace.

His hair looked _really_ soft today.

* * *

Andrew was 95% sure their professor was making up the sequence of numbers and letters as he was writing across the blackboard at the front of their lecture hall.

"Where did that 3 come from?" Katelyn whispered on the other side of Neil.

And, yeah, that was a good question, where did that 3 come from?

Andrew sure as fuck didn't know.

He watched the professor adding more letters, interspersed with numbers, as Neil quietly explained what the professor was doing and why.

Andrew nodded along, vaguely understanding the process, until suddenly the 3 disappeared in favor of a symbol he had never seen before.

Unfortunately, Neil next to him had ended his commentary after the 3 had disappeared again from the equation, instead going back to perfecting his doodle of a lacrosse stick.

Ugh.

Andrew wasn’t sure what was more annoying, Neil's obsession with a stupid sport or the fact that he barely listened to the lecture and still understood everything.

Hoping Katelyn would ask about the symbol, Andrew looked past Neil but found her hastily copying the notes from the blackboard. At least she looked just as confused as Andrew felt.

With a deep sigh, looking from his useless notes to the blackboard, he accepted defeat and asked quietly, "Where did that symbol come from?"

Andrew could see surprise on Neil's face before a smile replaced it.

If Andrew had known Neil would smile at him when he asked what was probably a really stupid question, he would’ve done it a lot sooner.

After a short glance at the blackboard, Neil picked up where he had previously left off, taking Andrew and Katelyn through the entire verifying process of one of the solutions to the equation the professor was showing the class.

Half an hour and several questions later, Andrew still didn't have a good grasp on the subject matter but for once didn't feel entirely clueless.

Maybe he'll join Katelyn with asking Neil questions more often.

Especially if it meant that Neil would lean into Andrew’s space to write down parts of the equation with short notes and explanations in Andrew’s notebook.

Andrew was only human, after all. And also gay.

* * *

**Early March**

“Uhm, can I help with anything?”

“No.” Andrew quickly dismissed Erik’s offer to help. He had made the mistake to let others ‘help’ with birthday cakes in the past and it had always ended in disaster.

“Do you want me to just leave?”

“Yes.”

Thankfully, Erik knew Andrew well enough to not take his short answers too personal.

Once Erik had left the kitchen to help Aaron hang up streamers in the living-slash-dining room, Andrew focused back on the task at hand. Nicky was turning 23 the next day, so Andrew was in the middle of making 23 chocolate cupcakes.

It’s not that anyone had asked him to do it. But at this point it was a tradition that Andrew would make the cake – or, well, cupcakes, in this case – and Nicky would cook, while Aaron and Erik had to do the grocery shopping, set the table, and clean up.

Just as he was measuring the sugar for the frosting, his phone dinged with a notification. Wiping off his hands, he fished his phone out of his sweatpants, unlocked the screen—and almost dropped his phone.

Neil had sent him a photo. A _selfie_.

Followed by a simple text:

> @ _nhatford10: Bored, entertain me?_

Quickly looking around himself, Andrew leaned against the kitchen counter and saved the photo to his phone. Neil seemed to be sitting at his desk, a bed and empty wall visible behind him. After another quick glance to the kitchen door, Andrew took the liberty to zoom in on Neil’s face.

What a stupid face. With the little smile and blue eyes and perfect nose and jawline and those curls. Ugh.

Locking his phone, he shoved it back into his sweatpants. For the next couple minutes Andrew tried to focus on preparing the frosting, determined to make these cupcakes a success.

_Entertain me._

What did that mean?

Stopping in his tracks, the cupcake in front of him only half-finished, Andrew stood up straight and stared ahead – was Neil asking him to come over?

Had he been missing something in their interactions up to this point? Sure, the other day Neil had smiled at him for a _really_ long moment and Andrew had been 86% sure that it could be interpreted as flirting. But asking for a hook-up seemed kind of sudden.

Then again, maybe that’s how Neil did this?

Sighing, Andrew wondered for the umpteenth time why Neil had to be so cryptic.

Andrew didn’t want to misinterpret the message and be too forward, but he also didn’t want to miss his chance in case it _was_ an invitation.

Taking out his phone again, Andrew stared at the one-liner.

_Entertain me._

What else could Neil mean with 'entertain'? Andrew ran a hand through his hair, realizing too late that he probably just got streaks of food coloring and fondant on his hair.

Annoyed with himself, he put the phone down on the counter and tried to finish up the last couple cupcakes. His back hurt from having leaned over the kitchen table for several hours, his shoulders were cramping, and his eyes felt heavy.

After setting the last cupcake down, Andrew stretched out his arms, rolling his shoulders a couple times to release the tension – a movement that inevitably reminded him of Neil – and took a deep breath.

If he was honest, he thought with a tired sigh, he didn’t really feel like a hook up. And if he was _completely_ honest, he could admit – at least to himself – that there was a tiny voice at the back of his head saying that a meaningless hook-up with Neil was not what he wanted.

Not that he wanted anything else, of course.

It was just easier to not make any drastic changes to the odd routine they had settled into. After all, what if Neil would no longer want to sit next to Andrew after hooking up? He would lose a perfectly fine math-to-English interpreter.

Andrew was being pragmatic here. Nothing else.

Plus, Nicky had asked for everyone to stay up until midnight so they could start a birthday gaming marathon right away. Because that would be his weekend – playing video games with his family.

Running a hand through his hair again, he looked around the kitchen and took in the piles of dirty bowls and whisks and pretty much every other baking utensil he owned.

He looked at the clock over the kitchen door – 9:43 pm.

There was no way he could clean up, take a shower, have Neil come over (because he would not hook up in a dorm room with a roommate, thank you very much) and kick him out again in time to celebrate Nicky’s birthday at midnight.

Yes. That was an even better reason. Because Andrew was all for meaningless hook-ups. He just didn’t have enough time.

Yes. Good.

Nodding to himself, he went back to his phone and, after another long look at Neil’s stupid face, he quickly replied with a photo of the mess around him, hoping it would be answer enough.

After a second, though, he realized that the photo without context might be a bit strange, so he quickly sent one of a cupcake that actually looked really nice, if Andrew may say so.

The response was immediate.

> _@nhatford10: All that work for one cupcake? That seems excessive._

Well, Andrew thought as he looked at the response, Neil didn’t seem disappointed. That was good.

Or was it?

Andrew wasn’t sure.

Going over to the kitchen table, he quickly arranged all 23 cupcakes to take a photo of the full set and sent it off.

Again a second too late, it occurred to him that it probably seemed weird for someone to just randomly make over 20 cupcakes on a Friday night. Typing hastily, he added:

> _@a_dobson: It’s Nicky’s birthday tomorrow._
> 
> _@nhatford10: I’m sure Nicky will be very happy_

With a huff, he thought of the delighted smile and overenthusiastic hug Nicky had given him when Andrew told him that he would try his luck with the chocolate cardamum cupcakes he sometimes got at the bakery near campus when he felt like splurging on something delicious.

> _@a_dobson: He better._

He locked his phone again and started cleaning the kitchen so he wouldn’t feel bad for leaving any remaining mess to Aaron and Erik, even though the clean-up was their agreed upon contribution.

What he hadn’t expected, though, was that Neil kept texting back. All evening.

They went from video games to their classes before finally landing on favorite British books – apparently Neil was working on an essay for a literature class that Andrew hadn’t even known was part of the computer engineering curriculum.

They only stopped texting when Andrew had to put his phone away to join the birthday countdown for Nicky.

He would’ve thought Neil had better things to do on a Friday night than texting with him, but Andrew wasn’t stupid enough to point that out to Neil.

Not when every incoming text made Andrew’s stomach flutter in the most annoying way possible while he was curled up on his bed, staring at his phone and fingers flying over the keyboard.

* * *

“Oh Gawd, guys, I think I was still drunk at the game on Saturday. No more parties before gamedays for me. Those tumbles were, like, _the worst_.”

Andrew massaged his right temple, trying to not fall asleep in the middle of his class. He was still tired after having spent the last weekend playing video games almost non-stop.

At least Aaron, Nicky and Eric weren’t doing any better – last night, they had all gone to bed at eight pm.

“Yeah, I swear I was, like, dead.”

The projected slides at the front refused to move into focus.

“God, you both need to work on your tolerance. You’re so embarrassing.”

Or maybe the problem were his eyes, not the slides. Andrew couldn’t be sure.

“Whatevs, as if you weren’t just as wasted.”

Maybe he should wear his glasses more often. Nicky had said they looked good on him.

“Please. I had better things to do than get drunk.”

Then again, Nicky might have just been trying to be nice.

“Trying to hit on Cody again? Girl, you gotta get over that ass.”

Ugh, couldn’t these girls shut up? They had been going on about some frat party for the last 15 minutes and Andrew was about to throw something.

“Forget Cody. I went home with Neil.”

Andrew’s eyes snapped open to stare at the girls in front of him.

Did she just say Neil?

“You’re kidding. I didn’t even know he was at the party.”

It could be a different Neil.

“Yep, fresh off the lacrosse field and hot as ever.”

Or not.

“Fuck, you’re so lucky.”

“I know. We talked all night and then he took me home to his place.”

That comment made Andrew pause. Neil hadn’t been to a party on Friday. Unless he hadn’t been working on that lit essay after all.

Which. Well. Who would work on an essay on a Friday night.

“I didn’t stay, though. Didn’t feel like walking home the next morning, obviously.”

Andrew massaged his temple again.

He wasn’t disappointed.

He _wasn’t_.

It was okay that Neil hadn’t actually spent Friday night only texting Andrew.

Andrew wasn’t that interesting, so it made sense, really.

* * *

Walking into his math class an hour later, he spotted Neil and Katelyn already sitting in their usual seats. Well, it used to be Andrew’s usual seat. But, well.

Anyway.

Hesitating only for a second, Andrew walked over and slid in next to Neil after a quick hello.

Andrew was being stupid. Neil had still texted with him. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t Andrew who had ended up in his bed that night.

If Andrew wanted to hook up with him so badly, he shouldn’t have hesitated for so long when Neil had first texted him.

Halfway through the lecture, Andrew still couldn’t shake the uncomfortable tension in his chest.

This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.

He would get over it.

“What did you do last Friday?”

Or he could ask Neil like a jealous idiot.

Neil looked up at his low voice, his pen halting in the middle of drawing a fox paw in the margins of his otherwise empty paper.

“Uh,” Neil furrowed his brows as if confused by the question, rolling his shoulder and sitting up straighter. “Texting? With you?”

“No, I mean, I know that.” Andrew was momentarily thrown off by Neil’s small smile but managed to somehow keep going. “There was a party at one of the frat houses. I heard people say they saw you, so I was, you know, wondering.”

Andrew shrugged, quite nonchalantly if he may say so.

“Ugh,” Neil sighed quietly, “honestly, sometimes I would like to know where people think I take the time to go to all these parties what with my majors and lacrosse. It’s not even realistic but whatever.”

So, Neil hadn’t been to a party on Friday? And hadn’t talked to that girl ‘all night’? Then, by that logic, he also didn’t go home with her.

That meant, he _did_ spend Friday night with Andrew.

Nodding to himself, Andrew could feel the tension bleeding from his shoulders, the weird churning in his stomach finally subsiding.

It didn’t really matter, of course, Andrew thought as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged on the collar of his shirt.

It was just that, well, he had liked the thought of them doing nothing other than texting each other. So. Yeah. It was whatever. But still, well, nice.

Just then Neil’s words fully registered in Andrew’s brain.

“Wait, majors? As in, plural?”

“Uh, yeah? I major in comp engineering and math.”

“Oh,” Andrew stared at Neil in surprise. Well, fuck. Andrew had known that Neil majored in engineering (as did Andrew, which, fate, anyone?) but having two majors? That explained why Neil had no problem following their math professor with his increasingly dubious equations. “I didn’t know about the math one, that’s”—Hot? Fucking hot?—"neat.”

Neil just shrugged and went back to his fox paw, adding little ones around it. As if he hadn’t just turned out to be even more unreal than Andrew had already thought he was.

Because, being good looking? Nice. Being intelligent? Even better. But being freakishly smart and not making a big deal out of it?

_Jesus Christ._

* * *

**Mid-March**

“Stop moving the stamps,” Andrew quietly snapped at Aaron, snatching the stamps from him and putting them back in a straight line on top of the library information counter.

“OCD is a mental health disorder, you know.”

“I’ll give you a mental health disorder if you don’t stop it.”

Aaron rolled his eyes at Andrew, grinning. “That’s not how disorders work.”

“Watch me.” Andrew glared at his brother where he was spinning from left to right on the old office chair.

Aaron should be at a study session right now, not bothering Andrew at his library shift. But his group had canceled on him and apparently he’d rather annoy Andrew for two hours so he could drive him home than walk the couple miles.

The sound of the heavy library doors falling shut had Andrew looking up—

And spotting Neil standing at the entrance.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Aaron stopping his incessant spinning, probably also watching Neil as he walked over to them.

What was he doing here?

More importantly, did Andrew look okay?

Sitting up straighter, Andrew quickly fixed the collar of his shirt before clasping his hands in his lap.

Wait, that probably looked too stiff. Quickly pushing his chair closer to the counter, he leaned forward and placed his hands on the countertop.

No wait, that also felt weir—

“Hi Andrew,” Neil said, leaning his forearms on the higher outer part of the information counter. “Didn’t know you worked today.”

Neil’s hair was wind-swept with curls all over the place, the cold wind outside had turned his cheeks a light pink, and his blue, blue eyes were opened wide in surprise as he locked eyes with Andrew, completely ignoring Aaron next to him.

And, in all fairness, how was Andrew supposed to react to _that_?

Sure, they’ve been texting more. And they were having almost-conversations during their shared lectures. But that didn’t mean Andrew was prepared to have a spontaneous conversation with Neil. Right now.

With no warning.

Realizing he had been silent for too long, he scrambled for something to say and ended up blurting out the first thing that came to his mind, “Yeah, I’m working.”

Okay, he could’ve been smoother, Andrew knew that. Without even looking, he could tell that Aaron was staring at him incredulously.

Shut up, Aaron.

“Okay, cool.” Neil nodded at Andrew and somehow managed to lean toward him even further. “I wanted to check out a book on systems programming, can you maybe see if it’s currently available?”

Neil was _right there_. If Andrew were to lean forward, he would be able to _kiss_ him.

Shaking his head slightly, Andrew wasn’t sure where that thought had come from. But now that the idea was there, he couldn’t un-think it.

Neil’s face was just _really_ close.

“If it’s not on the shelf then it’s not availa—” Aaron’s foot hitting Andrew’s shin was the only thing that stopped him from reciting the library guidelines like an idiot. “Or I can check the system, yeah I can do that.”

“Perfect.” Neil said, smiling at Andrew. _Smiling at Andrew_.

Running a hand through his hair, Andrew nodded to himself. Right. Look up a book. He could do that.

“What’s the name of the book?”

Neil quickly rattled off author and title and Andrew already imagined walking Neil to the right shelf, maybe they could talk a bit. Possibly while standing really close. Only if Neil was interested in standing really close, of course.

Unfortunately, when Andrew hit search, the book was listed as already checked out.

There went his fantasy of dragging Neil behind a bookshelf and… well, talk. Or just, stand around. Andrew wasn’t picky, really.

Shoulders slumping the tiniest bit, Andrew looked back up at Neil. “It’s… uhm, it’s not available.” He scanned the screen again. Yeah, still checked out. “Someone checked it out just yesterday.”

“Oh, well that’s okay.” Neil didn’t sound too upset about it. Maybe he didn’t want to stand behind a bookshelf with Andrew? “I’ll try again in a couple weeks.”

Looking up from the screen, Andrew noticed that Neil was still looking at him. Unsure what to do, he ran a hand through his hair again and picked up a pencil from the table next to the keyboard.

Had Neil said something and Andrew had missed it?

Nodding tentatively, he started playing with the pencil, Neil still watching him.

Just when he thought Neil was finally going to leave, Neil bounced on his feet once and then leaned even further over the counter and toward Andrew.

How was Neil _so close_?

Was Andrew leaning forward as well?

Had Neil just looked at Andrew’s lips?

What was happening?

Had he just bit his lip?

How long has Andrew been staring at Neil’s lips?

Blinking rapidly, Andrew’s eyes snapped back to Neil’s, immediately caught in the icy blue.

“I,” Neil whispered, “really like that shirt. It looks good on you.”

It was as if Andrew had forgotten how to form words. Rendered completely useless, he could do nothing but stare as Neil sauntered out of the library building, the heavy doors falling shut behind him.

“Wow.”

“I know,” Andrew said, his voice embarrassingly breathy. “That was _so_ hot.”

“Eh no, I meant ‘wow, you are such a loser.’”

Andrew finally took his eyes of the doors and glared at Aaron.

“What?” Aaron scoffed. “You can’t honestly think that you handled that well.”

“Well, no,” Andrew looked back to the entrance doors as if Neil might walk back in any moment now. Remembering Neil’s words, he looked down at his black long-sleeved, fitted crew neck shirt. He had bought it only last week but hadn’t thought Neil had noticed. It had been kind of pricey but if Neil liked it, maybe he should buy a couple more of them. “Smooth fucker, how am I supposed to react to _that_.”

“Maybe try being less pathetic. Honestly, baby brother, why are you so lame.”

Andrew looked over at Aaron, running a hand through his hair. “Either be helpful or shut up.”

“No, thanks. I still think Hatford is a prick. Hopefully, he’ll be turned off by your awkward ass.”

Andrew gave Aaron his best death glare, making him finally shut up.

He hadn’t been _that_ awkward.

Right?

“Ugh,” Andrew groaned, thinking back to Neil leaning toward him. He had been _so close_. “Let’s just go home.”

* * *

**Late March**

“Andrew, what happened,” at his brother’s mocking voice, Andrew looked over to Aaron, “you’re not wearing _the_ shirt.”

“Shut up Aaron,” Andrew grumbled before adding in a low voice, “it’s in the laundry.”

Aaron snickered quietly as he continued setting down plates on their kitchen table, but Andrew didn’t even mind as he walked behind him, adding silverware to every plate.

Today had been a good day. His classes had been interesting, his group project for his lab class wasn’t too annoying, and things with Neil were going well.

Yes, nodding to himself, he decided that things were good right now.

“What shirt are we talking about?” Nicky asked as he carried a pot with pasta over to the table and placed it on a coaster.

Andrew immediately glared at Aaron, the ‘do not say a word’ very clear in his eyes.

“Oh, Andrew got a compliment on his shirt the other day.” Aaron, the traitor, told Nicky with a grin.

“Oh, Andrew! Was he cute?”

“Oh, yes, Nicky,” the asshole said, looking from Nicky to Andrew with wide, innocent eyes. “In fact, I believe Andrew’s exact words were “ _so_ hot,” right, Andrew?”

“Oh,” Nicky drew out the word obnoxiously, draping his arm over Andrew’s shoulders, not deterred by Andrew trying to shake him off. “My baby cousin is catching men left and right. Is that why you’ve been in such high spirits lately?”

“Now now, no bullying of my fellow engineer, guys.” Erik announced as he walked into the kitchen. “Andrew deserves all the compliments from ‘ _so_ hot’ guys he can get.”

“Ugh.” Andrew finally pushed Nicky off. “Shut up, you all suck.”

* * *

**Mid-April**

“I can’t believe you told him you’ll go to his games next semester. You are so weak.”

“I know, okay?” Andrew groaned. “Lacrosse. Ugh.”

“Sucks to be you, I guess,” Aaron said, walking next to Andrew to his next class.

Andrew had a free hour now, so he usually walked with Aaron to his lecture hall and then slowly made his way back across campus to the engineering buildings.

“You should come.” At Aaron’s scoff, Andrew explained, “Nicky would be happy to see us at one of his games.”

“You just don’t want him to wonder why you’re suddenly interested in lacrosse.”

“Or maybe I want to help you be a good cousin by taking you with me to one of his games.”

“Or maybe you could get a grip and stop just agreeing to whatever Neil says to you.”

“Yeah, not likely.”

“Speaking of the devil.”

“Huh?” Andrew looked up from Aaron and spotted Neil across the too-green-to-be-natural lawn of the North Green.

To Andrew’s horror, though, Neil didn’t simply nod at Andrew like he usually did during their encounters on campus. Instead, he started walking toward them.

It was Wednesday, Andrew wasn’t prepared for an interaction today.

Did his hair look okay?

“Relax, Jesus, you are so pathetic,” came Aaron’s amused voice from Andrew’s right.

When Neil had almost reached them, Andrew came to a hesitant stop, Aaron lingering next to him, probably hoping for this to be over sooner rather than later.

“Uh,” Andrew cleared his throat and tried again, “hi Neil?”

Ignoring Aaron’s quiet scoff, Andrew took in Neil’s raised eyebrows and slightly upturned lips, somehow making him looking expectant.

It took Andrew definitely too long to notice the little white box Neil was holding out to him.

It was a to-go box from his favorite bakery.

“Uhm, what is this?”

And was it for Andrew?

Andrew could swear his heart stopped when Neil gave him a full-on smile, lips stretching wide and pushing his cheeks up, perfect teeth on display and blue eyes crinkling in the corners.

Fucking hell.

“Made me think of you.”

Yeah, that didn’t help.

Next to him, Andrew heard a quiet “what the fuck” but didn’t have the brain capacity to glare at his brother right then.

Slowly, Andrew reached out and took the little white box from Neil, holding it close to his chest, still staring at Neil.

“Uhm—”

Before Andrew could say anything – he was sure he would’ve at least managed a ‘thank you’ – Neil had already taken a step back and, with a quick wave, walked back in the same direction he had come from.

“Well, that was weird,” Aaron sighed when Neil was out of earshot. “But I mean, what else is new.”

Andrew nodded, not entirely disagreeing.

Too curious to wait any longer, Andrew opened the folded top and—

Looked at a perfect chocolate cardamom cupcake with lemon frosting.

His favorite kind.

How did Neil know?

And why would he bring him a cupcake in the first place?

And, more importantly, was Andrew supposed to bring him one as well?

“What am I supposed to do?” He looked at Aaron, hoping his brother might have an answer.

“Eat it? And stop worrying so much.”

Sighing, Andrew wasn’t sure why he had expected Aaron to actually be useful for once.

* * *

**Late April**

> _Group chat – Roommates_
> 
> _Cousin: we need to get groceries on our way home_
> 
> _Cousin: we also need to pick up cat food_
> 
> _Cousin: did you see my messages?_
> 
> _Brother: yes_
> 
> _Brother: Andrew, can you pick up a book for me from the library? I’ll text you the title_
> 
> _Cousin-in-law: Nicky, I’ll pick you up after your last class, my study group got canceled_
> 
> _Cousin: Yay!_
> 
> _Brother: Andrew, someone else just checked out the book, so don’t worry about it_
> 
> _Cousin: Andrew, I bought you a new notebook_
> 
> _Cousin: <image>_
> 
> _Cousin: you said, yours was almost full_
> 
> _Cousin: right?_
> 
> _Cousin: I hope you like it!_
> 
> _Cousin: Andrew, did you see the image of the notebook?_

Sighing, Andrew typed out a short response while continuing his trip from the Starbucks near Nicky’s lecture hall to his shift at the library.

> _Andrew: Yes, thank you Nicky_

Predictably, without pause, Nicky wrote another message in their group chat.

> _Cousin: Of course, Andrew! I’ll give it to you at home!_

Shoving his phone into his back pocket, Andrew quickly finished his iced chocolate and threw it into the trash can at the corner of the street. Just when he was about to cross the street to take one of the many winding paths through the little park area of the historic district to get to the library, he noticed Neil to his right, walking in the same direction.

Pausing in his step, Andrew watched as Neil moved at a snail’s pace, eyes glued to his phone and lips pursed unhappily as he seemed to be scrolling up and down on his screen with choppy movements, frustration palpable.

Looking around himself, Andrew carefully ran a hand over his hair to make sure it looked good, fixed the collar of his shirt and pushed his backpack higher up on his shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, he called out a quiet “Neil” when Neil was only a couple yards away, still not having noticed Andrew.

With a slight delay, Neil lifted his head, his eyes following a beat later. Andrew could tell it took another moment for Neil to register Andrew standing in front of him, his lips forming a perfect ‘oh’.

“Andrew.” Neil blinked at him before standing up a bit straighter and looking around them as if only now realizing where he had wandered while focused on his phone. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“I was at Starbucks,” Andrew pointed somewhere behind him, “but I have a library shift later, so I figured I might as well wait there rather than in the crowded cafe.”

“Ah, right.” Neil quickly glanced down at his phone for a moment before putting it in his pocket. “My next class also starts at two.”

With Neil nodding in the direction of the library, eyebrows raised in question, Andrew was too busy with quickly – but nonchalantly, of course – nodding in agreement and starting to walk next to Neil to question why Neil would know when his shift started.

After crossing the street and stepping onto the park area, Andrew wondered if it was okay to walk in silence or if they should be talking.

They should probably be talking, Andrew thought as he watched Neil from the corner of his eye.

Neil didn’t seem bothered, though, so maybe he was fine with silence?

Nodding to himself, Andrew continued walking next to Neil along the pathway, crossing under trees and passing groups of students lying in small patches of sun on the lawn.

Glancing at Neil, Andrew could see that he had started glaring at the ground, clearly lost in his thoughts.

Sighing internally at his family’s voices in his head, telling him that ‘sometimes it’s good to be pulled out of your thoughts’, Andrew tried to come up with something to say.

“So.” Andrew looked up at the trees as if they might bestow him with the gift of small talk but quickly looked back at the path when he realized that he probably looked weird talking to the trees. Trying again, he settled on, “Did you just come from lunch?”

Neil, merely, shook his head, letting the silence continue for another couple steps.

“Hm.” Andrew felt stupid about humming to Neil’s non-answer – thank God no one from his family was there to witness this moment – but he had learned from his mom that giving someone another auditory prompt could sometimes help them with verbally responding.

(It was something she used to do with Andrew, so he unfortunately knew it worked.)

"I'm coming from a meeting with my faculty advisor,” Neil finally said, confirming Andrew’s mom’s humming theory once again. “Let's just say, we do not agree when it comes to my studies."

Studying Neil’s profile, Andrew was once again reminded that he was doing a double major. "Well, what's his issue?"

Neil sighed, shaking his head in frustration and tapping his fingers against his thighs. With another deep sigh, he looked at Andrew before folding his arms in front of his chest.

"He wants me to focus on computer sciences in math, since that would make sense in combination with my engineering major.” After another quick glance at Andrew, he continued hesitantly, “But I, uhm, think that abstract math is much more interesting, you know?"

"Uh, yeah, totally."

At that, Neil’s lips twitched into a small smile, knowing full well that Andrew and math were still a work in progress. Absently, Andrew noted that it was the first smile since they had walked into each other a couple minutes ago.

They fell back into silence, Neil eventually letting his arms fall back to his sides and looking around them as if surprised that they were already halfway through the park.

"I don't usually talk to anyone about my studies." Neil slightly turned to Andrew as they continued along the path. "I don't even know why not." He huffed quietly, almost as if embarrassed.

"Me neither,” Andrew reluctantly admitted, feeling as if he owed Neil some of his own honesty in turn for Neil’s confession. “It's easier to meet expectations when you don't tell anyone what they are."

"Exactly.” Neil turned even further to Andrew, nodding. “I feel like, as soon as I tell someone what I want, there is so much more pressure. Because then suddenly it's real. You know?"

"Yeah. I know." Andrew was surprised to hear his own thoughts echoed from someone else. Everyone around him was always ready to share their hopes and dreams and goals in life, and, by contrast, readily interpreted Andrew’s silence on the topic as an absence of any ambitions.

Glancing at Neil next to him, Andrew couldn’t help the spark of interest. Of _curiosity_.

If Neil usually didn’t talk about this with anyone either, then maybe for once they were on equal footing rather than Neil leading their interactions and Andrew scrambling after him, trying to not embarrass himself in the process.

Maybe, Andrew thought, he could be different from Neil’s other… fellow students? Acquaintances? Friends?

Andrew wasn’t sure where he landed with Neil but couldn’t help the tiny, hopeful voice at the back of his head whispering that this might be his chance to set himself apart from others. To be more than someone that asked stupid questions during a shared lecture. Or a maybe-hook-up.

Looking over at the guy that had stolen all his attention almost two years ago and had settled so fully into his thoughts, and life, over the last couple months, Andrew could no longer imagine how he would spend his days without Neil being part of it – in whatever capacity Neil wanted.

Before he could think twice, the words were already out and impossible to be taken back, "Tell me something real."

Neil looked over at Andrew in surprise. After a moment, his face cleared in understanding, the corners of his lips once again twitching into a small smile.

Rounding another corner in the park, the library building already visible ahead of them, Neil quickly looked around them and, after rolling his shoulders once and nodding a couple times, said in a low voice, "I want to work at NASA.” Neil quickly glanced at Andrew as if to check his reaction before going on, “and I think abstract math will be more useful on my resume than more comp science."

Andrew had frozen in the middle of the path, staring at Neil.

At Andrew’s abrupt stop, Neil turned around, scratching his head sheepishly. “Yeah, I know it’s a stupid idea.” Neil shrugged, chuckling self-deprecatingly. “And it’s super unlikely to get a jo—"

"Me too.”

“Huh?”

Andrew swallowed hard, still staring disbelievingly at Neil. “Me too.”

"Yeah?” Neil blinked at Andrew, taking a step toward him and shaking his head as if clearing it of any stray thoughts, “I mean, right? Too much of the same is just not helpful on a resume."

"No, I mean, yes, that too, but I meant,” taking a deep breath, Andrew barely managed to go on, “I also want to work at NASA."

"Oh." Neil's eyes widened at Andrew's words, silence hanging between them for a long moment. "Really?"

"I can't believe I just said that. Out loud."

“I know.” Neil laughed, sounding almost giddy, and walked up to Andrew. "Me neither.”

Andrew had never told anyone about where he wanted to work after graduation, but watching Neil forcing out the words as if it was taking him everything inside himself to trust Andrew with this, how could he _not_ return the trust extended to him?

With only a couple feet between them, Neil’s sudden excitement was an almost tangible thing. “Tell me about it."

Not used to anyone who wasn’t his family to be interested in what Andrew thought or wanted, he hesitated for a moment. Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath.

"I want to go into robotics," he finally pressed out and looked around them, similar to Neil just moments ago. Suddenly feeling awkward about his arms just hanging at his sides, he shoved his hands into his pockets and tried not to shift around too much. "I'm thinking about minoring in electrical engineering because it would help with my application since there's no aerospace or robotics at PSU. But it has a lot of math."

"A _lot_ , yes."

"Right."

"But I mean, like I said, I think it does help to show more than one focus on the resume." Neil shrugged, as if unsure what else to say. After looking past Andrew in the direction where they had just come from, Neil focused back on Andrew. "And you can take an extra year, so it's not quite as much per semester."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Studying for five instead of four years, I mean.” Andrew paused for a moment, taking a calming breath. Pulling his hands out of his pockets again, he held on to his backpack straps instead. Realizing that he probably looked like an awkward pre-schooler, he quickly let his hands fall back to his sides.

This was the first time he was talking about this with anyone, and Neil standing only a couple feet away was really not helping his nerves.

“I think I'll apply for internships and if I get one, I'll definitely extend by a year. Nicky is on a 5-year track, and he seems happy with it."

"That's a good plan."

Andrew just hummed and took a deep breath, surprised by how good it felt to have finally told someone. Sure, he also felt nauseated and was quietly terrified that he had said too much. But Neil was giving him a small smile, so it wasn’t _all_ bad.

"I'll have to take an extra year for sure, so you should stay and keep me company." Neil laughed but it somehow sounded forced.

At Andrew's raised eyebrows, Neil shrugged, surprisingly missing the mark of nonchalance by quite a bit.

"Because of lacrosse. I can't do weekend games, practices, and finish two majors in four years. I tried to convince my adviser that I would be able to do it, but, yeah, he said no. Like I said, we don't agree on my studies."

For a moment, Andrew had totally forgotten that Neil wasn’t just doing a double major but also played lacrosse for the university team.

His schedule must be insane.

"Well, I mean, it'll take some pressure off of you, so that's good right? And I mean, lacrosse is important what with the scholarship and such."

"Huh? What do you mean?” Neil looked at Andrew confused. “I mean, yeah my sports scholarship is nice to have but it really only pays for any extra expenses. Everything important is paid through my academic scholarships."

"You have multiple scholarships."

"Well, yes, one for each major. How else would I be able to study both?"

"I," Andrew halted, "actually, I hadn’t thought about that."

Neil just nodded.

"Still, with two majors, five years is probably better than four."

Neil hummed, clearly not convinced.

"And if I stay an extra year, we'll both be here. And then we can go to NASA together," Andrew said jokingly, but the very gay robot nerd inside of him was dead-serious.

At Andrew’s ‘joke’, Neil's smile reappeared full-force. "Now _that_ sounds like a plan."

* * *

“I think Jeremy was throwing up somewhere. But I can get his phone number if you want. He’s definitely a cutie. When he’s not drunk, I mean. And kind, he’s very kind, Andrew. He’s also funny but he might talk a bit too much for you. Hm, what do you think?”

Andrew could hear Nicky rolling around on the couch, not shutting up about some frat party he went to last night despite Andrew vehemently not participating in the conversation.

“Tom left at like, 11. Didn’t even say bye.” More rolling on the couch. “Neil just disappeared, but I mean, he does that a lot, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Kevin just kept talking about lacrosse. As if I want to talk about lacrosse at a party.”

Wait, Neil had been there?

Andrew paused in the middle of writing down a result from his calculator, the numbers not making sense anyway.

“Andrew?”

What had Neil been doing at the party?

“Go to bed Nicky.” Andrew tried to sound bored but wasn’t sure if he had been successful. “You’re annoying.”

“Rude,” Nicky mumbled, still moving around on the couch as if he was going to find a comfortable position any second. “You’re just upset because you’re so lame. I guess it’s on me to be the interesting gay one in this family.”

Andrew ignored Nicky in favor of _not_ regretting not going to the party.

Because he wasn’t.

Parties were loud and the alcohol tended to be shitty. So, it wasn’t worth the effort.

Picking up his phone, he sent off a quick text to Neil.

> _@a_dobson: Are you as dead as Nicky after last night?_

When there was no response after more than ten minutes, Andrew figured that his text might’ve been confusing.

> _@a_dobson: He also went to the same party as you. Said he saw you?_

Maybe that was too clingy?

> _@a_dobson: Heard the alcohol was pretty bad haha_

He hit ‘send’ before his brain caught up, so he was left staring at the screen.

Why on earth would he add ‘haha’?

Jesus Andrew, get a grip.

A couple minutes later he saw Neil coming online, his messages being checked as ‘seen’.

After a moment, however, Neil went offline again.

Without a response.

Why would Neil not answer?

And why hadn’t he mentioned the party when they had texted yesterday?

They could’ve met up.

Unless Neil hadn’t wanted Andrew to be there.

Andrew furrowed his brows at his phone as he reread his texts and ran a hand through his hair. Spinning left and right on his desk chair, he waited for Neil to come back online.

* * *

After missing their shared class on Tuesday, Neil again didn’t show up on Thursday. In fact, Andrew still had not heard from Neil since their last texts on Saturday afternoon.

Even worse, Andrew’s texts now remained unread.

About 20 minutes into the lecture, Andrew accepted that he would not be able to focus on today’s lesson. Instead, he took a deep breath and quietly asked Katelyn, “Have you heard from Neil?”

There went his dignity.

Clearly, he no longer cared about such trivial things.

Katelyn looked up in surprise, probably not expecting him to talk to her. “Uhm, yeah, he’s, uhm, fine.”

What kind of answer was that?

He couldn’t tell if she was lying and Neil was actually _not fine_ , or if Neil was doing great and Andrew was worrying over nothing, or if she simply didn’t know either.

Maybe Neil had met someone else?

Or maybe Andrew had entirely misinterpreted their interactions over the last couple weeks?

Trying to ignore the tight feeling in his chest at that thought, Andrew ran a hand agitatedly through his hair.

Fuck this.

He decided to stop thinking about Neil.

And continued to think about Neil.

* * *

“And then Neil just punched him.”

Wait, what?

Andrew was sitting at the kitchen table, done setting down plates and silverware for the four of them, staring at nothing and zoning out while Nicky was babbling on about his day, when Nicky’s words fully registered.

“No one saw it coming and then out of nowhere, he just went off,” Nicky went on.

“Is Roland okay?” Erik asked and Nicky went on a lengthy retelling of Abby looking after Roland and Neil storming off.

Why would Neil punch Roland? And was he okay? He could seriously hurt himself by punching someone.

He would text Neil but knew he’d get ignored.

“And what about Neil?” Aaron asked, probably knowing that Andrew was wondering the same thing but wouldn’t voice his thoughts. It was annoying to be known so well and Andrew vehemently ignored the looks Aaron was giving him from across the table.

“He just walked off,” came Nicky’s response. “Wymack was yelling at him for a bit but then sent him off. Not sure if he’ll get, like, suspended or something.”

Suspension? That was serious. That junkie fucking lived for his stickball sport.

Why on earth would Neil punch someone. It simply made no sense.

“Why would he punch him though? Something must’ve set him off.” Aaron again, for once not being entirely useless.

“I don’t know. One minute Roland was talking about his date with Felix and suddenly Neil walked right up to him, telling him to stop talking or something. I didn’t really get it,” Nicky rambled. “It happened really quickly.”

“I’m glad you’re safe,” came Erik’s voice.

What kind of comment was that? It’s not as if Neil would just go after random people. Especially after Nicky.

“What do you mean?” Nicky asked.

“Well, it seems that it was a reaction to Roland having a boyfriend. I’m just glad he didn’t go after you.”

_What._

How could Erik think something like that about Neil?

Neil wouldn’t punch Roland just because he was _gay_.

Right?

Andrew could feel his stomach churning, chest tightening.

Why _would_ he punch Roland, though?

Nicky had said Neil had punched him after Roland had talked about Felix.

Was Neil jealous? Of Roland? Or Felix?

Andrew didn’t even know that Neil knew any of them outside of lacrosse. They had never mentioned the other.

What the fuck?

Not hungry anymore, Andrew quickly got up and went to his room.

Aaron’s knocking on his door went ignored.

Just like his texts to Neil.

* * *

The next morning, Andrew still hadn’t heard from Neil.

And despite being busy in his gossip circles, Nicky had not been able to find out the reason why Neil would punch Roland. Or if Neil had been suspended.

Andrew also still didn’t know what the connection between Roland, Felix and Neil was. In a moment of weakness, that pretty much lasted the entire night, he had gone through their social media accounts but had come up empty.

What he did know, though, was that Roland seemed to be fine, at least the photo he had posted to Instagram of his night with his boyfriend would suggest so. A light smattering of yellow and purple on the side of his face was the only sign that something had happened and even that could be attributed to bad lighting.

Annoyed with not knowing what was going on, irritated by Nicky’s incessant chatter about the latest rumors, and tired from a night with barely any sleep, Andrew kept to himself in the morning. Only showing up in their kitchen when it was time to drive to campus, he walked off as soon as he had parked the car rather than spending the remaining half hour before his first class by walking with his brother and cousin to their lecture halls.

Just as Andrew reached the other side of the historic district and stepped off the grass, he spotted Neil walking toward the engineering building on the other side of the pathway.

Neil was typing on his phone as he tugged the hood of his outrageously orange hoodie further down, obscuring his face. But it was undoubtedly him.

Rooted to the spot, Andrew only hesitated for a second before calling out, “Neil.”


	6. Neil and the 10-step plan (Neil POV)

Neil Hatford

_person_

  1. Sophomore student at PSU, Computer Engineering and Mathematical Sciences major, starting striker and vice-captain of the PSU Foxes
  2. In love with Andrew Dobson



* * *

**Mid-January**

“Buddy, when was the last time you went out with us?”

Matt was lounging on Neil’s desk chair, lazily spinning it from left to right. He had stopped by the dorm half an hour ago and Neil had yet to figure out why.

“I go out all the time,” Neil mumbled belatedly, too focused on his phone to humor Matt with a proper conversation.

> **The 10 flirt hacks that never fail!**

Neil was staring dubiously at the list on his phone. Partly because he couldn’t believe he had googled flirting tips, partly because the list seemed very random. Scrolling down, he wondered if he was really that desperate.

> **These steps are the fail-safe way to get your crush to want you!**

_Crush._

Neil wrinkled his nose at the word.

It seemed so contrite.

Andrew wasn’t a _crush_.

He was— Taking a deep breath, Neil didn’t know how to describe Andrew. He was—

“Buddy?”

Irritated, Neil looked up and rolled his eyes at Matt’s raised eyebrows. “Matt, I go to my lectures and to practice every day.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

Neil merely shrugged.

> **Do something nice for him. Bring him food.**

Why should Neil bring Andrew food? He’d seen Andrew eat, so clearly he knew how to get his own food.

“Hey Matt,” Neil said, looking up and interrupting Matt in what probably was another speech about college life. “What would you think if I brought you food?”

“Uh,” Matt blinked at Neil, hands still raised in his favorite ‘look at the world outside’ gesture. “I’d love you? I mean, I already do, buddy, but yeah, that would be nice?”

Huh. Interesting.

Neil looked back down at the list and scrolled up to the beginning.

> **Here is our ultimate fail-safe 10-step plan to get the man of your dreams to fall in love with you!**

Neil nibbled on his bottom lip, slowly nodding to himself.

Well, then.

* * *

> **Step 1: Make eye contact!**
> 
> **Eye contact is a key flirting technique which can be implemented anywhere and at any time. One good trick is to look directly at your crush until he catches you looking. When he does, lock eyes and let your glance linger for a moment or two; then give a sweet, confident smile and look slowly away.**
> 
> **Keep in mind, slow, languid smiles are considered sexy! Also, try smiling with your eyes, not just your mouth. Make your whole face light up when you smile at him.**
> 
> **If you're feeling particularly cheeky, throw in a wink!**

Sweet, confident smile. Sexy. A _wink_.

Neil was staring at the words on his phone screen, the bright pink background already hurting his eyes. And what was going on with these cheesy couple photos?

Looking up, he blinked away the pink color imprinted on his iris and took in the throngs of people walking in and out of the science building in front of him. The first week of classes was always crazy with most students hurrying to find their classrooms while others lingered annoyingly in the middle of the paths and hallways to catch up with their friends.

A quiet ping had Neil glancing back down at his phone.

> _Stuart Hatford: Happy birthday Neil. Your mother and I are very proud of you._

Neil scoffed at his uncle’s words. He doubted his mother had spent a single thought on him after dropping him off at PSU a year and a half ago.

Shaking his head, Neil told himself that it didn’t matter.

With PSU, he had found a university that had offered him comprehensive scholarships, so he could study independent of his family’s money. They let him play lacrosse in the starting line-up of their college team. And they had even approved dual enrollment, making it possible for Neil to collect college credits until his mother finally allowed him to graduate early from high school and start university.

Rolling his shoulders once, Neil swiped the message away and went back to the website with the flirting tips as he pushed through the heavy building doors.

After reading over the short paragraph one last time, he locked his phone and shoved it into his jeans pocket as he reached the doors to his lecture hall. With a final nod to himself, he walked inside to get to his Intro to Differential Equations class – the only class he shared with Andrew this semester.

During freshman year, they had shared several general ed classes but now that they were starting to focus on their majors, only one was left.

Neil would have to make that one count.

He quickly spotted Andrew sitting to the side, pushing the end of his pen against his cheek and lips while reading through his notes in his notebook. Neil didn’t know why, but he could spend hours looking at Andrew – had more or less done exactly that during their shared classes over the last three semesters.

Maybe it was his calm and stoic demeanor that was a welcome contrast to the hectic students running around campus. Or his deep, slow voice Neil had only heard on rare occasions when a professor had called on him. Or his blond hair that looked so soft. Or maybe his broad shoulders and strong arms.

Shaking his head at his own thoughts, Neil quickly walked over to where Katelyn had already claimed two seats for them. How broad someone’s shoulders were wasn’t usually something Neil paid attention to, certainly not outside of lacrosse games when he had to gauge the strength of an opponent.

Listening to Katelyn telling him about last night’s date with her boyfriend, he took out a single sheet of paper and a couple pens, still glancing at Andrew from the corner of his eye. He was grateful that he had Katelyn to suffer together through their engineering lectures, but he could really do without her ramblings about _Aaron_. The guy was incredibly stand-offish and arrogant. Neil would also say that Aaron looked stupid, but even Neil could see the hypocrisy in that statement given he was Andrew’s identical twin.

Not that they looked particularly identical, in Neil’s opinion.

Thankfully, Katelyn’s story was cut short by the professor walking in and starting the lecture, bringing the noise level in the room down to a mere murmur.

With the professor going on about some basic equations and how to solve them, Neil’s mind wandered back to Andrew. And the flirting tips.

He wasn’t even sure why he wanted things to change. He enjoyed just watching Andrew. The way he listened to the professor, eyebrows furrowed the tiniest bin. Or took notes, sometimes going back several pages in his notebook as if looking for something. Or simply stared into the middle distance.

Would talking to Andrew make much of a difference?

Then again, seeing Dan and Matt interact with each other was different. Or even Katelyn and Aaron. He still didn’t get what was supposedly so great about romantic relationships but watching Dan and Matt seemingly forgetting the world around them when they were with each other made Neil wonder what it would be like if Andrew would look at him _like that_.

Somehow, imagining Andrew being the other person in this scenario made it feel like something worthwhile, something good.

With newfound resolution, Neil thought back to the flirting tips and unlocked his phone to read over the short paragraph again.

Look and smile. That didn’t sound too hard.

Sure, Neil usually tried to avoid any and all attention – being noticed had never been a good thing back when he had still lived with his abusive father before his mother had packed their bags and moved across the country – but this seemed simple enough.

Taking a deep breath, Neil looked over at Andrew who was scribbling in his notebook, blond, straight hair falling into his eyes, lips pushed out in concentration. After what felt like several minutes, Andrew stilled in his movements as if sensing that someone was watching him.

Neil felt extremely stupid sitting there and staring at another person but figured that he might as well keep going at this point. Just then, Andrew started to slowly look around the room until his eyes found Neil’s. After an excruciating long beat of silent eye contact, Neil looked down at his notebook.

Taking another deep breath, Neil internally nodded to himself proudly. That hadn’t been so ba—

He hadn’t smiled. Damn it.

Quickly looking up again, he saw that Andrew had already gone back to reading his notes. Annoyed with himself – how hard was it to remember _two_ things? – Neil was about to call it a day with his flirting attempts and try again next lecture when Andrew suddenly looked at him again.

Okay Neil, now or never.

Trying really hard, Neil gave Andrew what he hoped was a natural smile and not a grimace born from smiling so rarely that he barely knew how to do it on the spot.

What had the article said? Confident? Yes, he totally looked confident.

When it became obvious that Andrew would not smile back—in fact, Andrew started narrowing his eyes at him—Neil finally looked back down at his notebook. He decided to count that as a success. After all, the website hadn’t said that the other person had to smile back.

“So, what was that?” Katelyn’s low voice to his left startled Neil. He had almost forgotten that there were people around him, the professor at the front still going on about something or other.

“Hm?”

“You smiled.”

Furrowing his brows at Katelyn, Neil grumbled annoyed. “I smile all the time.”

It was a lie and they both knew it if Katelyn’s raised eyebrow was any indication.

Neil sighed, somehow feeling self-conscious about this… thing – this _feelings thing_ – with Andrew. So, after a short pause, he shrugged and said, “don’t ask.”

“Just… is this going to be a thing?”

“Probably.” Neil shrugged again, not knowing what else to say.

After another beat of silence between the two, Katelyn looked at Neil considering – he wondered what she saw at that moment – and nodded before shifting her focus back to the professor.

Neil, not interested in the class, went back to watching Andrew from the corner of his eye, not trying to get his attention again. Once – well, twice – making eye contact felt like enough for one day.

Step 1: Make eye contact. _Done._

* * *

** Late January **

> **Step 2: Draw attention to your body!**
> 
> **Even before your first conversation, you can say a great deal using just your body language. Smiling and eye contact are part of this, but there are a few other things you should be aware of:**
> 
>   * **Keep your stance "open." Don't cross your arms or legs.**
>   * **Always turn your body toward your crush.**
>   * **Flip your hair. It is a well-recognized flirty action – so if you flip or play with your hair in front of a guy, he'll know you're flirting with him.**
>   * **Lick your lips, bite them, apply some lip gloss – anything as long as you do it with an air of nonchalance.**
>   * **Play with your jewelry, such as a necklace. It draws attention to your neckline, which many guys find attractive.**
> 


Walking from his last lecture to his dorm, Neil stared at the words for so long that his phone screen turned black. Blinking, he shook his head slightly and tapped the screen to wake it up again.

**Draw attention to your body.**

That sounded very forward. His friends had often complained about his outfits, but he just felt more comfortable in wide jeans and big hoodies. He wanted to argue that how his body looked wasn’t relevant, but his traitorous mind reminded him of Andrew’s shoulders, so maybe looks _were_ somewhat important. And even he could admit that his clothes turned him into a vague gray blob-shaped creature – Allison’s words, not his.

Plus, the website had been right about the looking and the smiling thing – he had been making successful eye contact with Andrew for the past two weeks and while Andrew was still looking at him dubiously, Neil had caught him looking at him first twice.

Katelyn, supportive even though he still hadn’t told her about his plan, had started tapping his arm when she noticed Andrew looking over. She mostly seemed to enjoy Andrew’s confusion but since it served Neil’s purposes, he didn’t say anything about it.

He was also getting better at the smiling thing. It still felt like a grimace most of the time but – after practicing in front of his bathroom mirror – he thought it at least _looked_ normal enough.

Nodding to himself, he decided to trust the website for now and called the only person he could think of when it came to clothes and styling.

Allison picked up on the fourth ring, and before she could say anything – and before Neil could lose his confidence – he said, “I will make your biggest wish come true, but you have to promise that you won’t ask why.”

The line stayed silent for so long that Neil would’ve checked if the call had been interrupted if it wasn’t for the background noises on Allison’s end, soft music and chatter clearly audible through the phone speaker.

“Interesting.”

Not sure what to respond to that, Neil stayed silent to see what Allison would do next.

“I will agree simply because I want to know where you’re going with this.”

“You can take me shopping—"

A short squeal on the other end of the line was the only indication that Allison had heard him despite the noise.

“—and buy me all those horrid clothes you always try to force on me.”

“Wh—"

“You agreed.”

After a beat of silence, Allison huffed out a breath. “Okay, gremlin, I accept your terms. But only because I will figure it out anyway.”

* * *

Walking down the corridor toward the doors of his lecture hall where Katelyn was waiting for him, Neil didn’t miss her quick glance at his tight dark jeans – not skinny, thankfully, but much tighter than his usual style – and rolled up sleeves of his dark blue shirt, jacket hanging over one arm. When she raised her eyebrows in question, he didn’t know what to say so he just shrugged.

“You’re really going for it, huh?” She was clearly enjoying herself, if the small smirk was any indication.

Before Neil could respond, though, she already turned away and started looking for two empty seats.

Following Katelyn to the back of the hall, Neil saw Andrew watching him, expression unreadable as his eyes quickly scanned his new outfit.

Neil decided to count it as a success.

Step 2: Draw attention to your body. _Done._

* * *

** Mid-February **

> **Step 3: Put yourself in his path!**
> 
> **If you want someone to feel that you like them (and make them like you back), an easy cheat to do this is to position yourself close to them without seeming intentional. For example, walk past his desk on your way out the door or take your dog to the same park he plays soccer at. Be careful not to overdo this, though, or you'll end up looking like a stalker.**
> 
> **Give yourself an added boost of confidence by looking your very best whenever your crush is around. Because: If you look your best, you'll feel your best—which is essential for successful flirting!**
> 
>   * **Keep your hair clean and fresh-smelling, brush your teeth, shave where necessary—anything that makes you feel pretty and puts an extra pep in your step.**
>   * **Wear clean, non-wrinkled clothes that you feel comfortable in—you can't go wrong with a nice fitting pair of jeans!**
>   * **Try out different hairstyles—experiment with different colors and trends until you find a look that makes you feel good.**
> 


**Shave where necessary.**

Neil wasn’t sure why shaving was an essential task for flirting but since he shaved his face every other day, he figured he could check that box.

**Try out different hairstyles.**

Furrowing his eyebrows, he looked at his hair in the bathroom mirror and ran a hand through the longer locks on top. Allison always took him to her hair salon, so he doubted he should change anything without consulting her first. So, in his mind, he checked that box as well.

Scrolling back up to step 2, he figured he had been implementing the tips fairly well, if he might say so himself. The thin silver necklace Allison had bought for him, thankfully not commenting on it beyond a raised eyebrow and a considering look, had successfully drawn Andrew’s eyes to his neck just like the website had said it would. And Andrew’s annoyed huffs and glare when Neil had run his fingers through his hair – it wasn’t long enough to be flipped over his shoulder, so he figured running a hand through it was a good alternative – was reaction enough that Neil kept doing it now and then.

Scrolling down, he gave step 3 another read-through as he slowly walked to the bedroom he shared with his roommate and sat down on his bed.

Since he apparently was all set look-wise, it seemed the only challenge was to come across Andrew outside of their shared class. Scratching his head, he stared out of his dorm window across the dark campus. Tomorrow was Tuesday, so he could simply follow Andrew after their lecture. From there it should be easy enough to figure out Andrew’s schedule.

**Be careful not to overdo this, though, or you'll end up looking like a stalker.**

Neil scoffed at the warning. He wasn’t an amateur. No one ever noticed him, and he planned on once again using his stealth skills to his advantage.

* * *

It had taken Neil less than a week to figure out Andrew’s schedule and routes from class to class. Now, sitting in one of the food courts, Katelyn across from him busy scrolling on her phone, Neil was making a rough sketch of possible routes across campus that would let him ‘accidentally’ run into Andrew without making him late to his own classes.

Katelyn humming thoughtfully had Neil looking up, raising his eyebrows. When Katelyn turned her phone screen to him, Neil saw what looked like a social media post showing Aaron and Andrew sitting next to each other. Aaron was looking surprised into the camera while Andrew was turned to the side, looking bored.

"I suppose, Andrew can be considered attractive if you're into… stocky men.” Katelyn turned the phone back around, giving the photo another once-over. “I mean, he’s a bit…,” Katelyn trailed off, tilting her head from left to right. Shrugging, she went back to scrolling on her phone, her comment hanging in the air between them.

"I don't know what that means."

"You know." Katelyn looked back up and puffed out her chest and cheeks, doing one of those weird bodybuilder poses, still holding a fork in her right hand, phone in the left.

"That doesn't help."

Rolling her eyes, Katelyn huffed out the breath she had been holding in. "All I'm saying is, you do you. I'll keep Aaron."

"I take it Aaron is not ‘stocky.’" The air quotes went without saying.

"What? Ugh, Neil. Aaron is... slender, leaner. More athletic, you know? Like you, I guess."

Neil just raised his eyebrows, deciding against even deeming this comparison with a comment.

"Okay, maybe not as athletic as you. But trust me," Katelyn leaned forward and waggled her eyebrows obnoxiously, "he got stamina in all the right ways, if you know what I mean."

Blinking, Neil just stared at Katelyn as she leaned back in her seat and focused on her phone.

"Sex," Neil blurted out loudly when it clicked what Katelyn had meant. "Why would you say that!?"

At the same time, Katelyn was already looking around them and shushing Neil. "What the hell, Neil, yes, that's obviously what I meant."

When she was sure that no one had overheard their conversation, Katelyn went back to her phone, still shaking her head incredulously.

Feeling sudden heat in his cheeks, Neil looked back down at his sketch of possible campus routes.

Why would she even say that?

* * *

Another week later, Neil had already settled into his new routes across campus that allowed him to naturally cross paths with Andrew, sometimes catching his eyes and giving him a short nod.

Step 3: Put yourself in his path. _Done._

* * *

** Late February **

> **Step 4: Initiate conversation!**
> 
> **One of the best ways to move the situation along and flirt more openly is to get involved in a conversation with your crush.**
> 
> **Things you should try:**
> 
>   * **Introduce yourself—or maintain the mystery (optional). Avoid the urge to have a cheesy pick-up line. Saying "Hi" followed by an introduction or a simple question is much more effective and less forced.**
>   * **Crack a joke and make him laugh. In turn, laugh at his jokes. It will make him feel funny, which guys always like.**
>   * **Use his name a lot. It's a fact that people love to hear their own name in conversation. Calling your crush by his name will send a tingle up his spine and create a sense of intimacy between you.**
>   * **Like their social media posts. It will serve as a simple ‘I’m thinking about you’ – making him think about you, too! – without demanding a response or full-on conversation.**
>   * **Show him pictures of dogs. Animals are an easy conversation starter—and who doesn’t like dogs?**
> 

> 
> **Whatever you try first: Always believe that you are someone worth knowing and having fun with. If you honestly believe in yourself, the rest flows naturally.**

**Have a conversation.**

That seemed like a big step. Then again, Katelyn had already asked him when he would finally talk to Andrew, so maybe it only felt sudden to Neil.

(“Will you ever talk to him?” Katelyn had asked after another successful eye contact with Andrew during their math lecture.

“Yes,” had been Neil’s response, hoping Katelyn would drop the subject.

He had decided not to tell her about the website. Thinking back to how she had gotten together with Aaron, he doubted she had followed an intricate 10-step plan. In fact, if he remembered it right, she had stopped in the middle of their lunch, stared at a guy she had just noticed across the food court, and walked up to said guy – Aaron – and asked him out.

Neil could never do that.

One, why would you want to go out with someone you’d only seen once and don’t know anything about? Two, how can you just walk up to someone and ask them on a date? What if you make them uncomfortable with your question? What if they only say yes to get out of the situation?

Neil could _never_.

In addition, he didn’t see any reason to rush things. After all, he wasn’t going anywhere. And neither was Andrew.

“Okay, when?”

“Not yet.”

After a short beat of silence, Katelyn had actually smiled at Neil. “Okay, Neil, take your time.”

That response had confused Neil more than any nagging would have.)

**Introduce yourself. Crack a joke. Use his name.**

That all seemed doable. Well, except for the joke. He might need to google one later. But that was okay. He was already following a flirting list from a website, so he might as well use jokes he googled. Right? Right.

Nodding to himself, Neil vowed to sit next to Andrew during their next lecture.

**It will send a tingle up his spine and create a sense of intimacy between you.**

Taking a deep breath, Neil decided to ignore the odd, churning feeling in his stomach. It was just a conversation. Neil was capable of conversation. It would be _fine_.

* * *

Neil and Katelyn were walking toward their math lecture the next day, both a cup of much needed coffee in hand, when Neil decided to tell Katelyn about his plan to talk to Andrew.

“So.” He wasn’t sure how to go on.

Katelyn looked over at Neil, eyebrow raised. How was Katelyn able to convey so much with such a small gesture? Neil glared at her in annoyance, making Katelyn smirk, raising her other eyebrow as well.

Neil cleared his throat and tried again. “So. I want to talk to Andr—”

“Yes, finally!”

Neil just barely managed not to jump at Katelyn’s outburst. Looking around, he noticed that a couple other students were watching them curiously.

“Okay, calm down, it’s just a conversation.”

“Just a conversation, he says. As if the two of you haven’t been caught in a weird stare-off for the last month and a half.”

“It hasn’t been a month and a half.” It’s only been five weeks and two days. “And it wasn’t a stare-off. It was… friendly eye contact.”

“Friendly. Is that what you’re after?” Katelyn, somehow, managed to raise her eyebrows even further.

“Well, no,” Neil admitted and was promptly rewarded with an eyebrow wiggle from Katelyn.

“I know, Neil, I’m just messing with you.”

“Whatever.” Neil narrowed his eyes at her before focusing on the path again as they approached the doors to their lecture hall. “I just wanted to let you know that we’ll have to sit next to him.”

“Oh man, Aaron is going to—”

“Don’t tell Aaron.”

“You can’t be serious. Why?”

“He’s an ass. And this is just a conversation.”

“And friendly eye contact.”

Neil bumped his shoulder against Katelyn’s. “Shut up,” he mumbled, swallowing hard as they stepped into the lecture hall.

As if sensing his nerves, Katelyn merely bumped his shoulder back.

Neil spotted Andrew already sitting in his usual seat, hunched over his phone. For some reason, Andrew tended to sit alone. Today, that finally came in handy.

Neil started walking over to the empty seats surrounding Andrew, but his nerves had him slow down to almost a crawl. Eyes fixed on Andrew, he felt how Katelyn tried to push him along with a hand on his back, but his feet were no longer cooperating.

Maybe today was too soon. He could try again nex—

“Andrew!” Katelyn’s cheerful voice coming from right next to him startled Neil enough that he finally managed to look away from Andrew. “Are these seats free?”

Before Andrew could say anything, Katelyn was already shoving Neil into the seat to Andrew’s right, causing Andrew’s eyes to snap from Katelyn to Neil, the surprise evident on his face.

“Uhm, hi,” Neil managed to say, his voice weirdly breathy. He could feel his face heating but there was nothing he could do about it. “I’m Neil.”

At that, Andrew blinked and quickly looked to the front where their professor was setting up his laptop. Neil watched as Andrew’s eyes moved down to his notebook, back to the professor.

His lashes were a dark shade of blond, with light curled tips.

Distracted by Andrew suddenly being so close, it took a moment for Neil to notice that Andrew had turned back to him. He looked as if he was surprised that Neil was still there. Maybe the website had gotten it wrong and it was too soon for conversation?

“I know.” Came Andrew’s deep, warm voice.

Or maybe Andrew was okay with conversation.

“Well, that’s good then.” Neil nodded and, bolstered by Andrew answering him – and knowing his name! – he winked. It felt awkward (even though he had practiced it a lot in front of his bathroom mirror) and he almost regretted it as soon as he had done it but then Andrew nodded as well.

“Uh, yeah.” After a moment, Andrew looked back to the front and picked up his pen to copy the professor’s notes.

Neil heard Katelyn next to him coughing quietly but decided to ignore her. Admittedly, it hadn’t been much of a conversation, but he was sitting next to Andrew and he had introduced himself. So, he decided to count that as enough of a success for their first interaction.

And when Andrew responded to his “bye Andrew” (because he remembered that the website had said to use Andrew’s name) after the lecture with a quiet “uhm, yeah, bye Neil”, Neil knew he wouldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

He didn’t even care about Katelyn’s teasing.

* * *

On Thursday, Neil had sat next to Andrew again. So far, they hadn’t talked aside from hello and bye, but that was fine. Neil wasn’t a fan of small talk and clearly Andrew wasn’t either, so he didn’t mind that they had yet to have an actual conversation. Much more important was getting to experience sitting next to Andrew.

Neil liked how organized he always was (in stark contrast to Neil’s messy desk with pens and loose papers being thrown about) and how his movements always seemed deliberate and intentional. It was somehow very relaxing.

Andrew also sometimes hummed when he agreed or disagreed with the professor or mumbled the answers to the professor’s questions. At first, Neil thought Andrew wasn’t aware that he was doing it, but almost all his answers were wrong, so Neil wondered if maybe Andrew meant it as a joke and expected Neil to join in.

Now, sitting on his bed – his roommate thankfully gone for the weekend to visit his family – Neil saw the long weekend ahead of him without any Andrew interactions. (And yes, saying hello and bye did in fact count as interactions.)

He scrolled through twitter, considering starting a war with a fandom or other, moved on to check the messages he had received from his friends throughout the day and finally went to the website with the flirting tips, the tab still open since he had first come across it at the beginning of the year.

**Like their social media posts.**

Wrinkling his nose, he shrugged and eventually looked over his apps before settling on Instagram. After navigating to Katelyn’s colorful profile, he scrolled through her followers until he found Aaron. From there it was easy enough to find Andrew.

Neil wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting but it sure wasn’t rows of photos of either a small orange cat or of cakes and pastries. He knew that Andrew and Aaron, together with their cousin Nicky, lived off-campus in their own apartment, but he hadn’t known that they owned a cat. Or that Andrew baked?

Scattered in between were photos of constructions that were probably from one of Andrew’s engineering classes. And even rarer were photos of sunsets, or maybe sunrises, Neil couldn’t be sure which one.

Scrolling back to the top, Neil clicked on the latest post. It showed the cat sitting on Andrew’s chest while he was lying on what looked like a couch.

Shrugging once, Neil tapped the heart and quickly closed the app.

That hadn’t been too nerve-wracking.

Maybe he should like another post?

**A simple ‘I’m thinking about you’ without demanding a response.**

Or maybe one post was enough.

Taking a deep breath, Neil looked out the window at the white fluffy clouds covering a bright blue sky. Not wanting to come across as too pushy, he locked his phone and set it on his nightstand.

Trying to get his mind off Andrew, he decided to do laundry rather than sit around until he could leave for his lacrosse game later this afternoon.

When his phoned pinged an hour later with a notification from Instagram, Neil stared at his phone in surprise.

> _a_dobson liked your photo – 1 minute ago_

Tapping on the notification, he saw that Andrew had liked one of his lacrosse photos. Neil hadn’t known that Andrew liked lacrosse – he rarely came to watch Nicky’s games – but it made Neil smile, nonetheless.

Another successful interaction, Neil thought as he nodded to himself.

* * *

The website had said to show Andrew photos of dogs, but how was Neil supposed to do that when he didn’t know anyone with a dog? Somehow, he doubted that he could just google dogs and show Andrew the search results.

Furrowing his brows in thought, he jogged past the school pond on his daily route around campus. Just then, he noticed several ducks crowded in one corner of the pond.

Humming to himself, Neil slowed down. Dogs were animals, right? It probably didn’t matter what animal he showed to Andrew.

Getting his phone out, he quietly made his way closer to the edge of the pond.

* * *

“Look what I saw on my morning run,” Neil quickly recited the sentence he had practiced all morning. Holding up his phone so Andrew could see it better, he swiped right onto a zoomed in shot of a particularly big duck.

“Uhm,” Andrew paused, “is that the school pond?”

“Yeah, in the botanical garden,” Neil responded relieved, glad that the photo had worked as promised. Animals apparently really were a great conversation starter. Who knew.

“And you run there every morning?”

“Uh, yeah, why?” Neil swiped again, this time landing on three ducks who had been huddled together. Personally, Neil didn’t see the appeal, but he supposed animals could be enjoyable to look at.

“It’s just,” Andrew paused again, “that’s pretty far from the dorms, isn’t it?”

“Oh,” Neil looked at Andrew – he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to look at the ducks for the whole conversation or if it was okay to look at Andrew instead but couldn’t help himself either way. “I mean, I jog around the entire campus, so it’s on my way anyway.”

Andrew had already been looking at Neil. Usually, Neil didn’t like it when people were too focused on him, but with Andrew he had realized he actually enjoyed it. The feeling was new and unfamiliar, but not in a bad way.

Returning the eye contact, Neil noted absentmindedly that Andrew looked really nice today. His hair was an artfully tousled mess as always (somehow Andrew seemed the type to style this look intentionally unlike Neil who was a lost cause most days when it came to his hair), his outfit the familiar combination of a dark long-sleeved shirt and black pants.

Looking at Andrew’s warm brown eyes, the fluorescent light of the lecture hall making the color look more hazel than honey, Neil had to smile at the thought that he was already familiar with Andrew’s eye color.

“Uhm,” Andrew blinked and quickly looked at the professor at the front before looking down at his notebook and tugging on the collar of his shirt. “Did you know that ducks actually have highly waterproof feathers? Even when they dive underwater, the downy underlayer of their feathers right next to the skin will stay completely dry.”

Andrew ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it further. Neil followed the movement, watching as Andrew’s hair fell back in place and somehow looked even better than before.

He wondered what Andrew’s hair felt like.

Blinking away that unexpected thought, he quickly answered, “That’s cool, I didn’t know that.”

Andrew thankfully did not mention Neil’s slightly too long pause and instead merely hummed and picked up his pencil to copy more information from the blackboard at the front into his notebook.

Happy with their conversation, Neil checked another box on his imaginary list.

Step 4: Initiate conversation. _Done._

* * *

** Early March **

> **Step 5: Don’t be boring!**
> 
> **Texting is a great way to become part of your crush’s daily life; and once things really get going and you feel more comfortable with your texting, you can start to heat things up a little – dropping not-so-subtle hints that you're interested in being more than friends.**
> 
>   * **Play it safe at first - there's no need to be too racy, you just need to give him the idea that you want to be with him. Something cute like "I'm just about to watch a scary movie – wish you were here to stop me from being too scared!"**
>   * **If he responds in the same flirty tone, you can feel safe to continue. Try paying him a flirty compliment by saying something like "I can't stop thinking about how great your arms looked in that shirt today."**
>   * **If you want to get a little racier, you could try being even more suggestive. For instance, if he texts you but you don't reply for at least half an hour you could say something like "Sorry, I was in the shower..." His mind will do the rest.**
>   * **A picture text can be a fun alternative way to communicate and also ensures that your crush has a picture of you on his phone. For example, text him a picture of yourself lying on the couch and write "Bored. Entertain me?"**
> 


**You can start to heat things up a little.**

What did that even mean?

**I can't stop thinking about how great your arms looked in that shirt today.**

Well, Andrew’s arms _had_ looked good yesterday. But they always looked good. Maybe there were days where they looked particularly good? Neil would have to pay better attention, he thought, nodding to himself as he scrolled through the paragraph on his phone.

**I was in the shower. His mind will do the rest.**

What rest? What would Andrew care if Neil was in the shower? Neil showered every day and he assumed Andrew did too, so the information seemed unnecessary. He scratched his head, wondering once again if he should ask Allison or Katelyn about this.

Reluctantly, he went to Allison’s contact and hit dial.

“Neil!”

There was shouting in the background, maybe even live music, Neil wasn’t sure. Either way, the contrast to him sitting on his bed on a Friday night was painfully obvious.

“Hi Allison, am I interrupting something?”

“No, wait.” After a moment, he could hear a door close, muffling the loud noises to nothing but a low hum. “What’s up?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just out with friends. You can always join us, you know.”

Neil did know. But he just didn’t feel like being in a crowd unless he absolutely had to.

“Plus, you rarely ever call me, so this must be important. Spill.”

“Uhm, it’s not important, actually,” Neil said, not sure why he suddenly felt self-conscious. “I was just wondering if there is a way to text someone when you don’t have their phone number.”

There was a short silence before Allison broke it. “Interesting.”

“What do you mean?” Neil furrowed his brows. Had it been a stupid question?

“Nothing, it’s just interesting that you want to text someone. Want to share with the class who this person is?”

“You’re not in class, though.”

Neil could practically feel Allison’s eyeroll.

“Don’t be a smartass. Who’s the lucky one? Maybe I have the number, that would solve your problem.”

“Huh.” Neil hadn’t thought of that. He could probably ask Katelyn for Andrew’s number. But she might have to ask Aaron. Just thinking about the chain of people involved made Neil feel slightly nervous. “Is there another way other than asking someone for the number?”

“Hm, I see, what do I get for telling you?”

Neil narrowed his eyes at the wall in his room in lieu of Allison. “What do you want?”

“Tomorrow, after your game, first shopping, then bar.”

With a huff, Neil accepted his fate. “Fine. Now tell me.”

“You go on their social media profile and send them a DM.”

“A DM.”

After several beats of silence – Neil wasn’t sure if it was incredulity or judgment – Allison took mercy on him and explained slowly how to send a direct message on Instagram.

Once they had hung up and Neil had successfully navigated to an empty screen where he apparently could send Andrew a message, he halted.

What was he supposed to message Andrew? It’s not as if their conversations had reached riveting levels. Although he did count the moment when he had finally been able to tell the joke he had memorized and Andrew’s resulting huff as a major milestone in their conversation history.

(Katelyn’s quiet “Oh my God” had gone ignored, of course.)

Not able to come up with something to say he decided on plan b from the website: a photo.

A photo was easy enough. Right? Right.

15 minutes and a handful of terrible photos later, he was glad that at least his roommate wasn’t there to witness this embarrassing moment.

Maybe he was being too critical?

Then again, he had seen the photos on Andrew’s Instagram and he looked good in all of them, so Neil figured his worries were at least somewhat justified.

Once he had tentatively decided on a photo he had taken while sitting at his desk, his bed and wall in the background, he texted Matt for a second opinion.

After all, Matt tended to bombard him with photos of gift ideas for Dan so it was only fair that he would now return the favor.

 _“Don’t show Dan.”_ His first text was quickly followed by the photo. And, _“how do I look?”_

The checkmarks turned blue right away, so Matt must’ve seen the photo. But it took almost a minute before he finally responded.

> _Matt: Really good_

Neil wasn’t sure what had taken Matt so long but decided not to question it.

> _Neil: Thanks Matt_
> 
> _Matt: Sure buddy_

This time the response had come right away. Then, after a moment:

> _Matt: Anything else you want to ask?_

Not seeing any need to text back, Neil switched to Instagram. Not knowing what to say, he simply went with the website’s suggestion and sent off his photo along with the short _“Bored, entertain me?”_ text.

As soon as the photo had gone through, he quickly closed the app and tried not to worry too much about it.

The photo had been _fine_.

Rolling his shoulders, he got up and walked aimlessly through their tiny dorm apartment that consisted of nothing but their shared bedroom, a small kitchen counter and an even smaller bathroom.

Before he knew it, he was back at his desk, phone in hand.

Unable to resist, he checked the chat with Andrew and saw a small “seen” checkmark below his message, probably indicating that Andrew had seen his message.

No response, though.

Furrowing his brows, he wondered if he had done something wrong.

No, the website had said this was a good idea and Allison seemed to think it was normal to message people. And Matt had said the photo looked good.

Locking the phone, he went on another tour around his apartment. At some point he started cleaning his side of the bedroom, organized his desk and even folded all the washed laundry before putting it into his wardrobe.

His attention snapped to his phone, though, when a notification sound went off that he wasn’t familiar with.

Sure enough, Andrew had answered him.

Suddenly nervous, Neil quickly opened the app and looked at what seemed to be a kitchen counter covered in bowls and flour and all kinds of baking utensils.

Another photo came through, this time of one perfect cupcake. It seemed to be chocolate with white frosting on top.

Grinning at the screen and before he could think twice about his response, he quickly texted back:

> _@nhatford10:_ _All that work for one cupcake? That seems excessive._

When there was no response, Neil wondered if maybe his answer had been too rude – Dan had told him repeatedly that his sarcasm was too strong for people to understand that he was joking.

Neil kept staring at his phone, nibbling on his bottom lip. Maybe he should explain that he had meant it as a joke?

Just then, a photo of an entire tray of cupcakes came through, making Neil’s shoulders slump in relieve.

> _@a_dobson: It’s Nicky’s birthday tomorrow._

Quickly sitting down on his bed, Neil pulled his knees close to his chest and pressed his face against his thighs as he took several deep breaths, trying to bring his smile under control.

Andrew was answering him. And sending him photos.

> _@nhatford10: I’m sure Nicky will be very happy_

Thinking about Nicky, Neil didn’t think he had ever seen him being anything else than happy, so it was an easy enough assumption to make.

> _@a_dobson: He better._

Reading the words and imagining Andrew’s low drawl, Neil grinned at his screen.

By the time he went to bed that night, he had found out that Nicky had asked for a gaming marathon, that Erik and Aaron would have to do the cleaning but Andrew had already taken care of the dishes, that Andrew tolerated Charlotte Bronte but detested Shakespeare, and that Andrew was about to fall asleep but had promised Nicky to stay up until midnight.

Burrying his face in his pillow, his cheeks hurting from smiling so much after the last couple hours, Neil decided that it had been a good evening.

With a quiet scoff, he couldn’t believe that Allison had wanted him to join her at a bar.

What a waste of time that would’ve been, Neil thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

Step 5: Don’t be boring. _Done._

* * *

** Mid-March **

> **Step 6: Make him a compliment**
> 
> **Compliments make people feel special and that is exactly how you want the object of your infatuation to feel! Here are some techniques to try:**
> 
>   * **Be specific. The more specific you are, the more personal the compliment will be.**
>   * **When giving the compliment, lean in close and lower your voice slightly. This makes the compliment seem intimate and secret.**
>   * **Make eye contact while you give the compliment and keep smiling slightly. This will highlight your sincerity and show him that you're genuinely impressed.**
> 

> 
> **Tips for advanced flirting: focus between his eyes and lips. When you couple this tip with a slightly open mouth, it’s very effective. Take a second nice, long look, and moisten your lips with the tip of your tongue and voila! You’re the focus of his attention now.**

**Focus between his eyes and lips.**

Did that mean he should look at the nose? Neil supposed Andrew had a nice nose. It was straight, small and a bit rounded. Still, Neil had never heard of looking at noses while flirting.

A quick Google search told him that, apparently, he was supposed to move his eyes from Andrew’s eyes to his lips and back. That seemed slightly more reasonable than staring at his nose, so Neil decided to try that first. Looking at Andrew’s nose could be his plan b.

Reading over the paragraph again, he got stuck at the words _intimate and secret._ Neil absentmindedly scratched his head as he walked to his next lecture, thinking about leaning close into Andrew’s space and giving him an _intimate and secret_ compliment.

What even was an intimate and secret compliment?

Rolling his shoulders to get rid of the tension, he locked his phone and shoved it into his pocket. Why was this so difficult? Last semester had been much more enjoyable. He had merely watched Andrew from a distance, not worrying about jokes and compliments and what not.

* * *

After three days of brainstorming for a not-too-general compliment, Neil was on his way to the library where he knew Andrew was currently working his shift.

Thankfully, Andrew had told him yesterday that he worked at the college library, so Neil wouldn’t have to pretend to be surprised at seeing Andrew there.

Well, Neil thought to himself, Andrew hadn’t told him his _exact_ shift times, but Neil figured that could believably be attributed to coincidence.

While walking up the steps to the library, Neil kept repeating the compliment he had carefully prepared.

“I really like that shirt, it looks good on you. I really like that shirt, it looks good on you. I really like that shirt, it looks good on you.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried to ignore the little voice at the back of his head, somehow sounding like Allison, that told him that the compliment was too unimaginative, too lame. Rolling his shoulders, he told himself that it was too late now and that he clearly wouldn’t come up with something better anytime soon.

Neil had even tried the compliment on Matt (without the long eye contact the website suggested, though, that was only for Andrew) and he had seemed to like it. Or at least, he hadn’t hated it.

“I really like that shirt, it looks good on you,” he muttered once more to himself as he reached the building doors. “Look in his eyes, look at his lips, smile. Don’t look at his nose, unless Andrew does it first.”

Taking a deep breath, Neil pulled open the heavy door and stepped inside. Immediately, he spotted Andrew at the counter. Unfortunately, Aaron was sitting next to him.

He probably would’ve turned around – he did _not_ need an audience for this – but Andrew had looked up when the door had fallen shut behind Neil, his eyes widening slightly upon recognizing him.

Walking up to the counter, Neil was painfully aware of Aaron’s annoyed look. How could Aaron possibly be annoyed when they had never interacted before aside from walking past each other during Neil and Andrew’s ‘accidental run-ins’ on campus?

With a last steadying breath, Neil figured this was happening one way or another, so he put on a smile that hopefully looked normal and leaned his elbows on the counter, ignoring Aaron.

“Hi Andrew, didn’t know you worked today.”

Andrew blinked at him once, the silence only somewhat awkward. “Yeah, I’m working.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Aaron shifting in his seat but tried to keep his focus on Andrew.

“Okay, cool.” Neil leaned further over the counter – why was this thing so high? “I wanted to check out a book on systems programming, can you maybe see if it’s currently available?”

“If it’s not on the shelf then it’s not availa—” Andrew paused for a moment while both he and Aaron shifted around behind the counter. “Or I can check the system, yeah I can do that.”

“Perfect.” Neil could feel his smile relaxing. This was going better than expected.

“What’s the name of the book?”

Neil quickly gave Andrew the title and author, knowing full well that Katelyn was currently in possession of that particular book after checking it out yesterday – after all, it had been Katelyn’s idea for Neil to visit Andrew at his job. According to her, ‘libraries are always quiet, so you won’t be interrupted.’

The plan had clearly not included Aaron.

“It’s… uhm, it’s not available. Someone checked it out just yesterday.”

“Oh, well that’s okay, I’ll try again in a couple weeks.”

Andrew finally looked up from the computer screen, running a hand through his hair, and picked up a pen from his side of the counter, twirling it around his fingers in a repetitive motion.

Neil’s eyes followed the quick and deft movements of Andrew’s hands.

They looked bigger than Neil’s. Strong.

Neil decided he liked them.

Looking back up at Andrew, they easily locked eyes.

Now or never.

Neil slowly leaned further over the counter, putting more weight on his elbows so he could slightly lift himself up on his tiptoes to reach further toward Andrew.

Remembering the eye thing, he quickly looked at Andrew’s lips – which were full and slightly open and to be honest, Neil wanted to look at them for much longer – and back to Andrew’s eyes.

They had tiny gold and green specks dotting the warm brown that dominated the iris.

Pretty, Neil thought absently, too distracted by his racing heart, making it hard to breathe normally.

“I really like that shirt, it looks good on you,” Neil finally whispered, feeling even more stupid now than he had been while practicing at home.

With Andrew’s wide eyes on him, Neil couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do after giving the compliment, so he just leaned back and hastily left the library after a quick “I’ll see you next week.”

Outside, Neil rolled his shoulders several times and ran a hand through his hair. That had been excruciating. And on top, he didn’t even know what Andrew was thinking now since he had run off before he could respond.

Unsure if he had just completely embarrassed himself or not, Neil started to walk toward Dan and Matt’s, so they could take his mind off Andrew and his stupidly pretty eyes and his deep voice and his _everything_.

Just then, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Katelyn.

“How did it go?!”

“Hey Katelyn.”

“Shut up, how did it go? Was he there? Did you tell him?”

Katelyn had been excited about this ever since Neil had asked for her help three days ago. Maybe she could tell him if he had made a mistake by walking off so quickly.

“Well, I walked in.”

“Good.”

“And he was at the counter.”

“Perfect.”

“And so was Aaron.

“Goo—wait, why? I thought he had a study session this afternoon.”

“I don’t know, Katelyn, but he was there, giving me the death glare.”

“Oh please, Aaron is incapable of a real death glare.”

“Well, he was certainly trying his hardest. I ignored him.”

“Smart. What happened then?”

“I asked for the book and Andrew checked, and it wasn’t available.”

“Great.”

“Yes.”

“And then?”

Neil groaned, embarrassed all over again.

“Oh my God, Neil, you did it. Right? You sound embarrassed.” Katelyn whisper-shouted gleefully. “I love this so much.”

“You are a mean woman.”

“Shut up, what did you say to him?”

“You know what I told him,” Neil finally said. “That his shirt looked nice.”

“Ah perfect!” He could practically see Katelyn fist bumping the air. “So, it worked out. What was he wearing?”

“Uh…”

“Neil, no.”

“It was a dark shirt,” Neil settled on, feeling the judgment coming through his phone.

“Neil, please tell me you didn’t just compliment him on his clothes without even looking at them.”

“It was definitely a dark one.”

“Oh Neil.”

“What, did you expect me to spontaneously change the compliment we worked on for three days depending on his actual outfit?”

“It was literally the first thing I said when you asked me for suggestions.”

“And then we perfected it for three days.”

Neil could hear Katelyn taking a deep breath through the phone. “Sure, Neil. And I’m sure it was a nice shirt, it’s Andrew after all.”

Neil didn’t know what that was supposed to mean but didn’t want to ask in case it was a stupid question.

“So, what happened then?”

“I left.”

“No, I mean before that, what did Andrew say.”

“I don’t know. I just told him that I like his shirt, which was _definitely_ dark, and then I, uh, left.”

He wasn’t sure how to interpret the silence on the other end. It probably wasn’t good. “Was that wrong?”

“No no, Neil,” Katelyn said quickly, probably sensing his nerves. “I was just surprised, but I mean, there is no right and wrong in flirting, you know? I’m sure it’s fine.”

Neil groaned. He knew it. He had looked like a complete idiot in front of Andrew. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“No, I mean it.” Katelyn ignored Neil’s whining and instead barreled on, “Neil, listen, I am sure it was fine. Andrew is a very quiet person, so he probably wouldn’t have said anything even if you had stayed and then it would’ve resulted in an awkward silence. So, it was probably for the best that you left.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, Neil, I think so.”

“Okay, can we please pretend this didn’t happen because I am actually absolutely mortified.”

“Sure, Neil.” Katelyn’s laughter and easy acceptance made Neil feel slightly less tense. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

After saying goodbye, Neil pocketed his phone and walked the last couple blocks to Dan and Matt’s place.

Step 6: Make him a compliment. _Done._

* * *

** Early April **

> **Step 7: Break the touch barrier**
> 
> **Casually initiate physical contact by touching him on the forearm as you talk, or by ‘accidentally’ walking too close and brushing up against him. You can also sit beside him and try to make your legs touch subtly while keeping a conversation going.**
> 
> **Try doing it in these ways:**
> 
>   * **When he makes a funny joke, reach your hand out and touch his arm while you're laughing. Alternatively, you can do this as a form of playful or genuine consolation.**
>   * **If our hands are in close proximity, try to make contact. Not grab his hand but tap it a little.**
>   * **‘Accidentally’ lean into him if you're walking together. If you're already flirty and you want to move things to the next level, brush your hand against his and see how he reacts.**
>   * **Another sneaky tactic you can use to touch your crush is to tell him that his tie is crooked, so you can lean in to fix it. Stand squarely in front of him so you're face to face, then casually brush your fingers against his neck as you adjust his tie. When you're done, look him in the eyes and say "that's better!" before taking a step back.**
> 


Reading through the paragraph, Neil breathed a sigh of relief. Finally a step that was happening naturally – ever since Neil had started sitting next to Andrew in their shared class, their elbows bumped gently against each other quite often and it would be easy enough for Neil to move his leg a bit further to the left for a barely-there contact.

All in all, things were going quite smoothly. They were talking more, going even so far as walking out of the lecture hall together still in easy conversation either about the lecture or Neil’s and Nicky’s next game or Andrew’s latest baking projects. Even better, they were still texting. Neil’s phone had slowly filled up with photos of Andrew’s cat, his room and, now and then, even a selfie of Andrew.

He sometimes wondered if Andrew kept the photos of him. He hoped so.

So, yes. Things were going well indeed.

However, looking over the paragraph again, he felt that this step probably asked for more progress than just bumping elbows.

**Tell him that his tie is crooked, so you can lean in to fix it.**

Neil thought this scenario was similar to the compliment one, which, looking at it in hindsight, hadn’t been a complete disaster. He could swear Andrew was wearing the shirt from the library more often. Sure, most of his clothes were on the darker color spectrum, so Neil couldn’t be entirely sure it was the same shirt, but he also couldn’t say with certainty that it _wasn’t_.

The point is: Neil was open for another excruciating moment if it made Andrew more comfortable around him.

Lean in, adjust the tie, leave. It sounded easy enough, even for Neil. The only problem was that Andrew didn’t wear ties.

Looking across the cafeteria table at Katelyn, who was currently staring at her phone and blindly shoveling broccoli in her mouth, Neil figured she had helped him with the compliment, so he might as well ask her again.

“Hypothetically speaking, how do you adjust someone’s tie if that person doesn’t wear one?”

Surprised, Katelyn looked up from her phone to Neil, fork momentarily forgotten in mid-air, and asked around a piece of broccoli, “Why do you want to adjust Andrew’s tie?”

Neil quickly looked around them, shushing Katelyn. “It was a hypothetical question. No one is adjusting anyone’s tie.”

Katelyn swallowed the mouthful of broccoli and nodded once, very slowly. “Right. Because in that hypothetical scenario the hypothetical adjustee doesn’t have a tie that the hypothetical adjuster could adjust. Hypothetically.”

Neil just glared at her, but it had zero effect. In fact, it just made her amused smile turn into a full-on smirk.

“I’m joking, relax.” Katelyn put her fork down, locked her phone, and gave Neil her full attention. “You do realize that this is all very weird, right?”

“Right.” Neil furrowed his brows in confusion but didn’t want to ask why it was weird. Sure, the website looked tacky, but the steps seemed to work, so he didn’t see why they would be considered _weird_.

Katelyn just rolled her eyes, no explanation forthcoming.

“Okay,” Katelyn finally said, voice all business. “Question one, does it have to be a tie? Or could it be any other item of clothing that needs hypothetical adjustment?”

* * *

They had finally settled on a strap of a backpack. The strategy was easy enough: they would walk out of the lecture hall, Katelyn would make sure to leave quickly and then Neil would work his magic (Katelyn’s words, not Neil’s).

Easy. Neil totally got this.

At least, that’s what he kept telling himself all throughout their next math lecture, Andrew once again on his left, Katelyn on his right.

Five minutes before the end of the lecture, he could feel his heartbeat speeding up and his palms sweating like crazy. He couldn’t even take deep breaths since that would certainly look strange to Andrew.

Looking over at him, he saw that Andrew was doodling a big question mark in the margins of his notebook next to one of the rules the professor had explained today.

Andrew must’ve noticed him looking since he raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Neil shrugged but leaned in anyway, enjoying their close proximity with their shoulders touching, and whispered, “Hard at work, hm?”

Andrew scoffed (which Neil counted as a laugh) before pointing at Neil’s own doodles with his pen. “Glass house, Neil, you’re sitting in one.”

Neil just grinned, earning him another huff. Seeing Andrew’s relaxed shoulders and slow motion of his pen across the paper managed to calm Neil’s nerves enough that he didn’t jump up and ran off as soon as the professor ended the lecture.

Packing up, Neil nodded at Katelyn as she excused herself with an imploring look at Neil and walked off to leave Neil and Andrew alone.

“Everything okay?”

“Hm?” Neil looked back at Andrew who had already zipped up and put on his backpack. Quickly collecting his pens and shoving his papers into his bag, Neil followed Andrew out of the lecture hall. “Yeah, she’s just a bit stressed because of a term paper.”

Andrew merely hummed, but Neil didn’t mind. He liked that Andrew didn’t have the need to always fill silences with talking.

While Neil was still thinking whether he could wipe of his sweaty palms on his pants without Andrew noticing, Andrew already turned toward him, probably to say bye.

Not wanting to miss his chance – and he was _not_ going to go through another lecture psyching himself out about this – Neil quickly stepped forward, right into Andrew’s space. “Wait, Andrew, your backpack.”

Andrew looked surprised but didn’t move away, which Neil figured was a good sign.

“Here, let me…,” trailing off, Neil slowly reached for Andrew’s backpack as if to righten the strap. Since the strap was already sitting perfectly on Andrew’s shoulder, he merely lifted it for a quick second before setting it back down again.

He really hoped that no one had seen him do that.

Looking back at Andrew, now only a few inches away from Neil, he couldn’t help but get caught up in Andrew’s warm, inviting eyes for a moment.

“Uh, thanks.”

Andrew’s deep voice managed to wake Neil up from his stupor and he hastily stepped back, adding, “There, that’s better.”

They kept staring at each other for another beat until Neil remembered that he had to get to his next lecture. With a quick goodbye, he turned around and speed-walked down the corridor and around a corner where Katelyn was already waiting for him.

“And?”

“I just touched his perfectly fine backpack strap and pretended to adjust it,” Neil blurted out, wide-eyed.

Katelyn whooped quietly and fist-bumped the air before linking arms with Neil and dragging him to their next lecture.

Step 7: Break the touch barrier. _Done._

* * *

** Mid-April**

> **Step 8: Stay memorable**
> 
> **You want him to think about you even when you’re not around, so make sure to stick out from the other people in his life! You can try these things:**
> 
>   * **Do something nice for him. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, a nice gesture is often enough to get his attention. For example, try picking up his bag and handing it over to him or holding the door open for him.**
>   * **Bring him food. Providing your man with his favorite snack will ensure you a place in his heart.**
>   * **Dance with him. Dancing with a guy is a fun way to show him that you're into him, without being too serious. Make it very obvious that you're choosing to dance with him. Grab his hands and pull him away from the group. If he goes with you willingly, you'll know that he's into it.**
> 


The suggestions seemed easy enough. So, Neil started unnecessarily handing Andrew his own backpack from in between their feet (Neil didn’t understand why that would be considered flirting, but Andrew got flustered every time he did it, so it was clearly doing _something_ ) and made sure to hold open the door for both Katelyn and Andrew when they walked out of their lecture.

He managed to get to the door first most of the time but sometimes Andrew was faster and—

And Neil realized that it felt nice when Andrew held the door for him. It was such a small and inconsequential gesture and yet, it made Neil feel warm and weird inside knowing Andrew was looking after him.

Who knew.

Wanting to try out more of those small gestures the website talked about, Neil thought back to the day he had first found the list and had asked Matt what he would think about being given food from Neil.

Bringing Andrew food, however, was not as easy as it had seemed at first. Because, even though Neil could roughly narrow the choices down to a pastry, Neil had no idea what was what when it came to anything that required an oven to prepare.

Standing on the lacrosse field, thoughts stuck on cakes and cupcakes as he watched some of his teammates collecting balls and cones, his eyes landed on Nicky who was currently standing to the side, checking the mesh on his stick.

Well, why make it complicated when he could just ask? After all, if anyone would know Andrew’s favorite food it would be his family, right?

* * *

Neil quickly walked across campus, holding the small, folded box with a single cupcake from the local bakery inside – Nicky had been sure that this was Andrew’s favorite even though his description had been somewhat vague – carefully in both his hands to not shake the content too much.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Andrew walking on the other side of the lawn, Aaron by his side. Aware that his own lecture started in less than 15 minutes on the opposite side of campus, Neil took a deep breath and made his way over to the two brothers.

He could tell the moment when they noticed him and, again, when they realized that he didn’t just nod or wave while walking past them – like he usually did on his ‘accidental run-ins’ – but actually walked up to them.

Looking confused but thankfully not annoyed, Andrew greeted Neil with a quiet “Uh, hi Neil?” as Neil walked up to them.

Ignoring Aaron’s glare, Neil focused on Andrew and, before he could lose his nerve, held out the small box to Andrew.

“Uhm, what is this?”

Neil couldn’t pinpoint Andrew’s mood from the low tone of his voice, so he figured to just roll with it.

Following Google’s advice, he threw out a “Made me think of you!” along with what was hopefully a ‘winning smile’. (The difference to the ‘normal smile’ was the amount of teeth you showed. At least according to Google.)

Aaron’s quiet “what the fuck” went ignored as Andrew broke eye contact to take in the small box in Neil’s hands. Slowly, as if unsure whether he wanted to touch it, he reached out and took the package.

Once rid of the box, Neil bounced on his feet and, with nothing else to say, waved at the two of them and walked back from where he came from.

Step 8: Stay memorable. _Done._

* * *

** Late April**

> **Step 9: Stick to one!**
> 
> **Never play the jealousy game involving another person. Maybe the one you like is across the room, so you flirt with another person. Or you make the one who likes you jealous mercilessly.**
> 
> **These are games better left to younger, less mature folks. You are better than that.**
> 
> **Also, don’t pretend to merely care. Stick the quick scans to everyone else; to the person you want to impress, you want to really look at them. See the effort they put into their outfit or their hair, or the impressive things they talk about, and let them know that you’ve noticed.**
> 
> **Be sure to branch out to more serious conversation rather than sticking to superficial small talk – after all, you want to really get to know him. and in turn, you should give him the chance to get to know the real you!**

Lying on his bed, his roommate’s desk lamp the only light in the room as he was studying for a test the next day, Neil furrowed his brows at his phone screen. That was a stupid step. Why would he want to talk to anyone else? That didn’t make any sense.

Shrugging, he checked off that step and was about to move on to step 10 when his eyes drifted back up to step 8.

**Dance with him.**

Two weeks ago, he had rolled his eyes at that suggestion but—

Humming to himself, he supposed it would be nice to have some alone time with Andrew. Not dancing – he didn’t dance – but having Andrew’s attention all to himself? That _did_ sound nice.

Scrolling mindlessly up and down his screen while staring at nothing in particular, he thought about Andrew walking into the lecture hall, with his broad shoulders and relaxed yet confident walk, sitting close enough that Neil could smell his aftershave and see every little facial movement as Andrew listened to their professor or wrote something down. How his lips moved the tiniest bit into a pout and his eyes squinted as if he had trouble reading the text on the blackboard. The way his hands would run through his hair and tug on the hem of his shirt.

Ever since the moment in the library, Neil couldn’t stop watching Andrew’s hands during class.

At first, he had thought it was odd, but Google said liking hands was a _thing_ , so he figured it was fine.

In fact, people on the internet almost seemed obsessed with thinking about what hands felt on their skin, which was a really strange thought in Neil’s opinion. Then again, he supposed Andrew’s hands _would_ feel nice on his sk—

His phone started ringing, startling him into almost dropping it on his face. Quickly looking around, he saw that his roommate was still leaning over his desk, headphones on.

Looking back at his phone, he quickly accepted the call when Matt’s name finally registered in his preoccupied brain.

And regretted it about one minute later.

“I promise it’s going to be awesome, everyone will be there.”

“Matt, you know I don’t like parties.”

“I know buddy, but I heard others from the lacrosse team are going, and the track team, and a bunch of other athletes, so you basically already know everyone.”

Neil was about to decline again – it’s not that he had better things to do next Saturday since lacrosse season was over, he just didn’t feel like standing around being forced to engage in small talk while around him everyone was getting drunk – when a thought popped into his head.

“Do you know who is going from the lacrosse team?”

“I’m not sure but I think Kevin, Jean, Nicky, Ja—”

“Uh, yeah, okay, I’ll go,” Neil quickly answered, hoping he didn’t sound too eager.

“Really? Yes! Awesome, we’ll go there at around 10. You want to meet before or—”

“No, let’s meet there.”

“Sure buddy, ok, well I’m really excited that you’re coming.”

“Uh, yeah, me too, Matt.”

After saying goodbye, Neil ended the call and placed his phone screen-down on his chest and spread his arms and legs out across the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

He hoped Andrew would tag along with his cousin. Neil didn’t really go out much, so he wasn’t sure if Andrew was a frequent party-goer.

Stretching his arms over his head until his back made a satisfying pop, Neil thought about maybe seeing Andrew on Saturday.

**Grab his hands and pull him away from the group.**

Smiling at the image of him taking Andrew’s hand and walking somewhere more quiet, away from other people, Neil drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Dropping his backpack next to his desk, Neil sat down heavily in his desk chair, staring at the wall for a moment.

His roommate was preparing dinner in the kitchen, having asked Neil if he wanted to eat together.

They rarely did anything together but now and then they managed to coordinate breakfast or dinner and at least tried to have a conversation.

Neil didn't see the need, but Dan had said it would be good for him and his roommate seemed to enjoy it.

Taking a deep breath, he thought about his meeting with his asshole advisor today. He had hoped to convince him of a normal 4-year track but, once again, had no luck.

He just didn’t think he needed the extra year. As it was, he was ahead of his curriculum despite lacrosse and honor classes.

Deep down, of course, Neil knew that four years for his curriculum was ambitious. And there was no pressure to finish within four years since his scholarships allowed for a one-year extension. And it wasn’t as if he had anything waiting for him past his graduation.

And another year on campus didn’t sound completely _terrible_.

He had always thought so, of course. It had nothing to do with the possibility of Andrew also studying for an extra year.

That would just be a nice bonus.

Nodding to himself, Neil huffed out a laugh as he thought back to his run-in with Andrew today. He couldn't believe he had told Andrew about his majors. He never talked about these things. He wasn't even sure if Dan and Matt knew about any of it.

It simply felt like too much pressure if people knew about the requirements he had to fulfill – credits, GPA, attendance scores. And Neil just knew that Dan and Matt would make a big deal of consoling him if he had to stop playing lacrosse, or switch one of his majors to a minor, or would drop off the Dean’s List.

So, he kept the details about his studies to himself.

Until today, apparently.

Even worse, he had talked about _NASA_.

 _No one_ knew about NASA.

**Be sure to branch out to more serious conversation.**

Remembering the line from the website, Neil shook his head at himself. He doubted it could get any more serious than talking about his life’s dream.

While Neil felt nauseated just thinking about all the things he had told Andrew, he couldn't help but grin at the thought of Andrew building robots at NASA and maybe constructing the next Mars rover or something.

Motivated by Andrew's ambitions, Neil opened his laptop and pulled up his email. After quickly writing a note to his faculty advisor, informing him that he had decided on an emphasis on abstract math, Neil took a photo before sending the email off.

Immediately, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Opening his chat with Andrew, he sent the photo with no further comment.

A moment later, his phone pinged.

Neil smiled giddily at Andrew's response – a simple image of the NASA logo.

* * *

The next evening, Neil reluctantly got ready for the party at one of the frat houses. He had continued texting with Andrew all through last night and this morning and had almost asked him whether he was going to the same party but chickened out at the last second – not wanting to come across as annoying – and quickly deleted the question before he could accidentally hit send.

So instead, after arriving at the party at quarter past ten, he walked around the already packed rooms, looking for Andrew.

An unsuccessful circuit of the house later, he sidled up to Matt and Dan, and subsequently Allison and a couple others. Standing in the living room with a coke in his hand, he let his eyes wander across the students once again, hoping to see a blond—

There.

Neil zeroed in on the bright blond hair, going slightly up on his tiptoes to see better, only to drop back down disappointed when he recognized that it was Aaron, not Andrew.

Getting back up on his tiptoes, he tried to see who Aaron was with but could only spot Nicky.

Furrowing his brows, he decided to go on another tour through all the rooms. If Nicky and Aaron were here, surely Andrew would be, too, right?

Matt’s confused question where he was going was quickly ignored – he only absentmindedly registered that he had left in the middle of a conversation – in favor of walking from room to room, coke forgotten on some side table.

No Andrew.

A couple minutes later, he spotted Nicky and Aaron in the kitchen but decided against walking over to them. He knew Nicky well enough, but Aaron was clearly not a fan of him, so after a quick nod at Nicky when he had been spotted after all, he made sure to quickly move on.

In the hallway, he recognized Jeremy from the soccer team who was, fortunately, also a mechanical engineering major and probably knew Andrew.

“Hey Jerem—”

“Neil! Hey!” Before Neil could react, Jeremy had already engulfed him in a too tight hug, clearly no longer sober if his bright eyes and lopsided smile was any indication. And the hug. People didn’t just hug Neil.

“Uh, yeah.” Neil quickly extricated himself from Jeremy’s arms, taking a step back. “Have you seen Andrew?”

“Uh.” Jeremy scratched his head. “Yeah, I think I just saw him in the kitchen?”

“That’s Aaron.”

“Uh, are you sure?” Jeremy ran a hand down his chest, taking a deep breath as if that would sober him up. “Then he’s probably with Roland?”

“Roland?” Why would Andrew be with Roland?

“Uh, yeah, you know Roland, the one on your team?” Jeremy asked, scratching his head again, clearly confused.

“I didn’t know Roland and Andrew knew each other.”

“Aren’t they, like, a thing? Pretty sure I’ve seen them together. Maybe check the upstairs bedrooms?”

“Wh—”

“Uh, sorry Neil, I’m not feeling so good, I’m gonna—”

Neil barely registered Jeremy stumbling past him, the back-slap rocking him sideways as he stood stock-still.

Andrew and Roland?

But. That didn’t make sense.

Standing in the hallway, his pulse kicked into overdrive. He thought he heard his name from somewhere to the side but couldn’t be sure over the too loud pounding of his heart.

Andrew and Roland? Since when? How?

_Why?_

No. That wasn’t right.

Holding onto the wall next to him, he waited until the walls stopped spinning in and out of focus before pushing his way through the throngs of students to the front door and onto the sidewalk.

Andrew and Roland?

Pressing his hand against his chest, Neil felt as if he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, the sound of his own heart deafening in his ears.

Andrew was with Roland?

Looking around himself disoriented, he had trouble recognizing where he was. The questions spinning in his head were too loud for him to focus.

And his heart was going too fast.

And there wasn’t enough _air_.

He had thought things were going _well_.

They had texted last night. _Today._

Andrew had _smiled at him_ just yesterday.

Neil could feel his breathing getting quicker, his heartbeat hammering in his chest, his too quick pulse reverberating in his ears and blocking out any sound of passing cars and yelling students around him.

He just stared ahead, unseeing past the first couple yards, finally falling into a run, his feet hitting the ground hard while his thoughts spun out of control.

Andrew didn’t like him.

Andrew didn’t like him.

Andrew didn’t like him.

Crashing against the door to his dorm building, he barely managed to get out his key fob to open the door. He could feel sweat, cold and disgusting, between his shoulder blades, making his shirt cling to him as he stumbled up the stairs.

Unlocking his door – his brain absently registering that his roommate must still be out – he kicked off his sneakers before moving in the direction of his bedroom in the darkness of the dorm. Tripping over his own feet, he caught himself on the bedroom door before he could fall to the floor. His hands gripped the frame hard, holding on for a moment while the room was spinning around him, pressing his forehead against the cold wood.

Andrew didn’t like him.

The thought hovered over him, eclipsing every other thought, every other memory from the last couple months.

No no no no.

Swallowing hard, he barely made it to his bed before collapsing on top of it.

His too quick and unsteady breaths were the only sound in the quiet room.

_Andrew didn’t like him._

He felt so stupid.

Staring into the darkness, he bit down on his bottom lip to stop the sobs threatening to rip out of him.

He must’ve looked _so stupid_ to Andrew.

His chest felt as if it was caving in, hollow and useless.

He had been so sure that he had time. That _they_ had time.

On his nightstand, the glowing red numbers of his alarm clock ticked by as if mocking him.

Wrapping his arms tight around himself, he pulled his knees to his chest. His legs were shaking and his shoulders hurt from the struggle to keep still.

He wanted this moment to be over. Forget that any of this had ever happened.

Pressing his head into the pillow, he watched the digits on his nightstand switch to midnight.

Reaching blindly behind himself for his blanket, he pulled it over his head as if it could hide him from the world.

The darkness, at least, kept him from seeing the world turn blurry before he quickly squeezed his eyes shut.

* * *

> **Step 10: Ask him on a date!**
> 
> **If your flirting has been successful so far, and you want to get to know the other person better, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date. Here are a few approaches:**
> 
>   * **Ask if the other person has plans at a later date. Try to keep this an open question instead of one that requires a yes or no answer—you'll get more information that way.**
>   * **Be straightforward. If you're feeling extra confident, go in for the kill without any pretense. For instance, you could say something like, "I'd really love to take you on a date. When are you free?"**
> 

> 
> **And if he asks you out before you can do it yourself? Then make sure to accept and have fun on your date!**

Neil stared at his phone. Blinking slowly at the words on his screen, he wanted to shrug the last couple months off, wanted to laugh at himself as if it wasn’t a big deal. Wanted to talk to Andrew as if nothing had changed.

But he couldn’t.

It was Monday morning and he was sitting in class, not taking in a single word the professor was saying. Katelyn was throwing worried glances his way, but he didn’t feel like talking.

He was tired.

He hadn’t gotten much sleep since Saturday, a weird combination of exhaustion and agitation keeping him from getting any rest.

Yesterday, Andrew had texted him, but Neil hadn’t been able to respond.

What could he even say?

Hi Andrew, I thought we were heading somewhere but apparently you already got there with someone else? My bad?

Looking down at his phone, he closed the tab, locked his phone and stared out the window.

* * *

Neil skipped most classes on Tuesday and Thursday, only attending the most important ones and sticking to the shortest routes in between classrooms and buildings.

He felt heavy and numb. Lost.

Andrew’s texts remained unanswered in his phone. Yesterday, he had stopped opening them.

On Tuesday, he had also skipped lacrosse practice but was back today after their coach had called him several times.

Seeing Roland standing on the other field, laughing with the others, Neil’s chest constricted painfully, making it hard to breathe. After closing his eyes for a moment, he turned away and tried to ignore Roland as best as he could, staying with the other strikers and keeping the interactions with the backliners to a minimum.

At the end of their practice, muscles burning after running himself almost to the ground trying to get rid of all the feelings warring inside of him, he walked alongside Kevin over to the rest of the team where they were clustered around the benches.

“We should increase the drill portion,” Kevin was saying next to Neil. “Aim is our biggest weakness.”

“Uh, yeah,” Neil could barely focus on Kevin and the conversation. His head ached, he was tired, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, his stomach churning painfully.

Neil thought Kevin said something else but couldn’t be sure, his attention suddenly caught by Nicky’s words, “Ah, young love.”

Young love.

No. This couldn’t be happening.

Neil faintly registered his laughing team members, words like “date” and “anniversary” flying over his head, his heartbeat accelerating in his chest.

_Young love._

“He’s easy like that.”

Neil’s eyes snapped to Roland where he stood in the middle of the circle of their team. There might’ve been more laughter, but Neil couldn’t hear clearly over the ringing sound in his ears.

“Don’t call him that.”

Too late, Neil realized that the sharp words, dropping to the floor heavy and deafening, had come from him.

The others turned around to look at him, but Neil could only stare at Roland.

With his dark curls and dark eyes and lean stature and easy smile and tan skin and—and—

Neil couldn’t handle this.

How could Roland say something like this about Andrew? _Andrew_.

Andrew wasn’t easy.

How dare this asshole say _that_.

Neil swallowed hard, trying to rein in the burst of anger. The frustration and disappointment and _everything_ suddenly overflowing.

“It was a joke, Neil.” Roland rolled his eyes. He _rolled his eyes_.

“Why would you think that's funny?” Neil couldn’t help but step forward, could no longer hold himself back.

“Chill, man, it’s not as if it’s any of your business.”

At that, Neil stopped.

Because Roland was right, it wasn’t any of his business. Andrew wasn’t his business. He was Roland’s. And Roland joked about him. As if it was nothing.

Before Neil could think twice, he had already raised his fist and punched Roland in the face, the impact sending shocks of pain up his hand and arm.

He watched Roland stumble back and fall to the ground just as he was yanked back. Distantly, he registered shouting but all he saw was Roland on the ground.

Staring down at the other man, Neil balled his aching hand into a fist, enjoying the pain the movement caused. Shaking off the hands holding onto his arms, he walked off the field.

Coach Wymack stopped him halfway to the exit to yell at him, but Neil only stared ahead, no words registering.

When he was finally told to leave, he grabbed his stuff and, without changing, went home.

* * *

 _“I don’t feel like talking,”_ he texted Dan for the umpteenth time, walking slowly to his first class.

All through last night, his phone had been blowing up. Everyone wanted to know what had happened, what he was thinking, what Roland had done.

If Neil was okay.

No, he wasn’t. That much he knew.

He had spent most of the night ignoring the incoming texts and calls and only responded when his friends had threatened to come by his dorm.

Now, he read along as Dan kept interrogating him, hoping for Neil to finally offer some answers.

But Neil didn’t feel like explaining himself. For one, where would he even start? And two, while Neil was slightly embarrassed about what he had done, he wasn’t sorry.

He pulled the hood of his favorite Palmetto hoodie further down into his face, burying his nose in the soft fabric. It was too warm for a hoodie, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to care. He wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t the last day before exams started next week.

“Neil.”

Neil stumbled slightly at the voice behind him, already turning around as if on autopilot.

Please let this warm and deep voice belong to someone—

Nope, that was definitely Andrew walking toward him across the lawn.

Neil pulled his hood down even further before shoving his hands and his phone into the pocket of his hoodie.

And Andrew, well, Andrew looked good, of course. He doubted Andrew would ever be caught in a bright orange hoodie with pen stains on the sleeves and frayed edges.

Andrew stopped a couple feet away from Neil, opening and closing his mouth a couple times, no words coming out, before finally settling on, “Hi.”

“Hi Andrew.” Neil wondered how long it would take before simply saying Andrew’s name no longer made him feel better.

“Where you’ve been the last couple days?”

Neil wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at that question, so he merely shrugged. After all, there was no way that Andrew didn’t know what had happened last night.

Andrew hummed, clearly at a loss of what to say next. Silence dragged on, with Neil staring at Andrew and Andrew looking around them, running a hand through his hair several times.

Neil didn’t know why Andrew had walked up to him, had decided to talk to him. Maybe Neil should just turn around and leav—

“I heard you punched Roland last night.”

And there it was.

Taking a deep breath, Neil didn’t know what to say – was he supposed to apologize to Andrew for punching his… boyfriend? He shrugged to cover up the involuntary shudder the word had triggered.

“Is your hand okay?” Andrew looked down at where Neil’s hands where hidden in the pocket of his hoodie.

_What?_

“That’s your question?” Neil asked incredulously, raising his eyebrows, momentarily lost at what to do.

“Uhm, yeah.” Andrew shifted slightly were he stood. “If it’s swollen, you can use cold compresses for 15 to 20 minutes. And you can take pain meds, that also helps. And, uhm, you should definitely rest it as much as possible.” Andrew nodded quickly before running a hand through his hair again, shifting from foot to foot.

Neil couldn’t help but nod along. What was happening? Wasn’t Andrew supposed to be angry?

Why would he give Neil tips on how to take care of his hand? The hand he had used to punch his… whatever.

“Aren’t you angry?” Neil blurted out, pulling his hands from his pocket and crossing his arms in front of his chest, hands balled into fists.

“Uh,” Andrew paused, “I mean, you shouldn’t hurt yourself like that. And, I mean, I don’t understand why you haven’t answered any of my texts. But I’m not going to force you if you no longer want to, I don’t know, uhm,” Andrew paused again, pressing his lips together for a moment as he stared at the ground before hesitatingly settling on, “talk.”

Neil stared at Andrew, wondering what was happening.

“I punched your boyfriend.”

Andrew’s head snapped up to Neil, eyebrows furrowing. “Who? What?”

“Roland.”

“Why would Roland be my boyfriend?”

What? This whole conversation was so confusing.

“Jeremy said you and Roland are together.”

“What, no, we’re not.”

“You’re not.” Neil blinked at Andrew, trying to remember his conversation with Jeremy on Saturday.

“We, uhm,” Andrew shuffled his feet, “we used to, well, hook up. But we ended that months ago.”

“Months ago.”

“Well, yeah,” Andrew said, looking at Neil with raised eyebrows. “So, you thought I was with Roland.”

“Yeah.”

“And then you punched him? Neil, why?”

Neil couldn’t help but stare at Andrew. So, Andrew wasn’t with Roland? Confused, he let his arms fall to his sides, shoulders slumping with exhaustion.

“He talked about you. At practice. About taking you on a date.” At Andrew’s furrowed brows, Neil quietly continued, “He called you easy.”

He watched Andrew take a deep breath and, with a last look around them, cross the last couple steps so he stood directly in front of Neil, less than a foot between them.

“Pretty sure he was talking about Felix. They just had their two-months anniversary.” Andrew tilted his head to the side, his eyes slowly moving across Neil’s face. After several beats, he added in a low voice, the corners of his lips twitching upwards, “Because apparently that’s a thing.”

“Huh.” Neil swallowed hard, nodding as if any of this was making sense.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Neil whispered into the silence between them.

“Okay,” Andrew whispered back. “So, you thought I was dating Roland. Is that why you stopped responding to my texts?”

Suddenly feeling very stupid, Neil merely nodded, looking down at their feet. His old running shoes looked even older next to Andrew’s nice sneakers.

“And then you punched Roland when you thought he was talking shit about me.”

It wasn’t a question, so Neil figured he didn’t have to embarrass himself further by answering.

“Neil.” Andrew stepped impossibly closer, hooking his fingers into Neil’s hoodie pocket and pulling him forward. He waited until Neil’s eyes had found his. “I’m not dating Roland. And Roland wasn’t talking about me. I’m…” Andrew licked his lips. As if mesmerized, Neil’s eyes followed the movement. “I’m interested in someone else, someone that’s definitely not Roland.”

At the words, Neil’s eyes snapped back to Andrew’s. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, could hear the matching dull thumping in his ears. His head was both overwhelmed with thoughts and completely empty at the same time.

“Mhuh?”

Carefully, Andrew pulled Neil even closer, reaching up to tug Neil’s hood back onto his shoulders and settling a hand on the back of Neil’s head, pressing down the tiniest bit and oh—that was nice.

Neil closed his eyes for a moment, letting Andrew guide their heads until their foreheads were leaning against each other.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m talking about you.”

At Andrew’s low whisper, Neil finally opened his eyes again.

“Uhm, okay.” Neil tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. Andrew was _so_ close. “That’s good.” Neil couldn’t help the nervous laugh breaking through his lips on the next breath. “That’s really good.”

Andrew was interested in Neil. Maybe he even _liked_ him. Neil had to close his eyes again, feeling dizzy and light-headed, his lips involuntarily stretching into a smile.

Andrew’s fingers were massaging Neil’s neck and playing with his hair in a slow, calming motion. It really did feel good to have Andrew’s hands on him. Who knew.

The thought made him giggle, the sound more breath than melody.

Opening his eyes, Neil carefully pressed his forehead a little bit more against Andrew’s. Gathering all the courage he could find in himself after the last week, he took a deep, unsteady breath and whispered, “Do you, maybe, want to get something to eat? I mean, together?”

They were too close for Neil to be sure, but he thought he saw Andrew smile.

“Yes, Neil,” Andrew whispered back, bumping his nose gently against Neil’s, “let’s do that.”

Step 10: Ask him on a date.

_Done._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my story! As always, kudos and comments make my day.  
> The flirting tips were inspired by WikiHow.com, HackSpirit.com and ThoughtCatalog.com.
> 
> As a goodie for making it all the way, here is another joke from Neil's carefully researched repertoire:
> 
> "What did one math book say to the other? Don't bother me I've got my own problems!"


End file.
